Trust
by robinscorpiofan
Summary: A Linstead one shot series with prompts from A-Z! Focuses on the little things Jay Halstead is learning about Erin Lindsay as their relationship progresses.
1. Accident

**So this is my first time writing for Chicago PD and I hope you guys like it! The story will go from A-Z with random Linstead one shots. They are all happening in the same world, but they're not necessarily in chronological order or connected to each other. Please review and let me know what you think! If you have any ideas, tell me and I'll try to work them in. I've got this all pretty much planned out with what I want to happen, but I can still add in some things if someone would like to see them!**

 **A: Accident**

 _*No one imagined that Tawny could be lying about being raped. No one ever thought Erin would be in any kind of danger, until Jay manages to save her just in time. Takes place during 3x11._

"Lindsay's with Tawny right now." Jay announced to the rest of the team. It took about two seconds before everyone leapt into action and jumped up, knowing that the only woman on their team had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

Jay was the first one out the door with Antonio not too far behind him. He ripped a set of keys off of the key hook, but Antonio took them from him.

"I've got this."

From the stern look on his face, Jay knew better than to argue. He didn't have time to anyway; Erin needed them. She needed _him_.

When he first met her, Jay would have never imagined he would fall in love with Erin Lindsay. She was scrawny, inexperienced, and Voight's surrogate daughter, which usually led to her getting special treatment. But after they had been assigned to be partners, he knew there was something different about her. Antonio told him that Voight had raised Erin since she was fifteen because she had a crazy past and he could definitely relate to that.

Little by little, he found out more about her. He relished the idea that he was able to break down those walls; that she trusted him enough to let him see the most vulnerable parts of her.

They had a short friends-with-benefits kind of thing for around a month, but it ended abruptly when Voight, who had voiced his distaste for in house relationships, caught onto them. Jay hadn't wanted to, but he knew the sergeant was basically Erin's father and she was terrified to disappoint him.

Then, Nadia died. She had been a young drug addict when Erin found her and helped her turn her life around, just like Voight had done for her when she was a teenager. But a serial killer had murdered her and Erin blamed. This led to a downward spiral that resulted in he and Voight actually seeing eye to eye and doing everything they could to get her back to them. After seeing the younger detective's dedication, Voight had given him his blessing and they were now dating.

And now, she was alone with a group of thieves and rapists.

"Turn left up here." Jay shouted as he banged against the dashboard. Antonio took a sharp left and pulled up to the building. Ruzek and Atwater weren't far behind them and Jay jumped out as soon as the car stopped. Antonio followed him and they busted into the house together.

"I'll take the upstairs." Jay huffed as he ran towards the stairs, his gun drawn and ready to shoot anyone who got in his way. He slowed and carefully walked down the hallway. He heard an unmistakable, muffled cry and busted open the door where it came from.

Erin's ankles were bound tightly together and her hands were tied. Her mouth was gagged and he could see it in her eyes that she had doubted that she was going to make it out of this. A man who was much bigger than her had her back pulled to his front and a knife to her neck. Her pants were down to her knees, her shirt was sliced open, and the guy's hands were on her underwear.

"Walk out of here, man!" the guy called to him once he realized his presence.

Jay kept his eyes glued to the man. If he looked at Erin's face, he knew he would lose all focus.

"Drop the knife!" he called.

"You wanna see her neck s…"

The man never got to finish his sentence as a bullet entered his skull. Erin shifted her body off of his and as far away as she could go from him with her arms and legs tied to the bed. Jay holstered his weapon and ran forward. He pulled the gag from her mouth and studied her blood spattered face for any sign that she was hurt.

"You good? Are you okay?"

"Tawny and Spence…they're still in the house."

"Antonio, one offender down, get the other two." He shouted into his radio. Even though he was pretty sure that bullet had killed the third guy, he checked his pulse just in case. There wasn't one.

"Jay." Erin muttered.

He pushed the guy's body off of the bed. He picked up the knife that had been held to Erin's throat less than a minute ago and used it to cut the ropes holding her to the bed.

"It's okay. I'm here. You're safe." He pulled her pants back up and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. "Did he…"

"No." she shook her head to emphasize her point. "I'm fine."

Her bottom lip quivered as she spoke and he knew that even if she was okay physically, she was a mess mentally.

Jay knelt down to untie the bindings around her wrists. He heard a sound on the stairs and stopped what he was doing. He rolled on top of Erin and pulled his gun out, all in one fluid motion.

"It's just me." He looked at Ruzek in relief. "We got Tawny and Spence." His eyes landed on Erin, who was still tied up. "You okay, Linds?"

"She's good." Jay answered for her. He finally managed to untie her hands. She flexed her wrists and winced at the pain that shot through them. He grabbed both of her hands in his own and kissed her wrists delicately, then got to work on untying her feet.

Erin tried to pull the fragments of her shirt together, but it was useless. She felt so…exposed.

"Where's the other guy?" Ruzek inquired.

Jay motioned towards the floor with a cock of his head and Adam went over to check it out. "He's dead?"

"Yep." Jay finished untying Erin's feet and threw the rope to the side. He helped her sit up and pulled her into his arms immediately.

Ruzek must have finally realized how personal that moment was and excused himself from the room. Jay rocked gently back and forth.

"You're okay."

Erin let her head rest against his chest and tried so hard not to let the tears fall. She couldn't be weak right now. Later on when she was alone, she might cry at the fact she was almost raped, but she had to be strong for her team.

"I love you." Jay whispered into her hair as his arms tightened around her. "I'm never going to let anything happen to you."

Her breath hitched at his admission. They hadn't said 'I love you' to each other yet, but in this moment, she knew it was true. She loved him with every little piece of her heart.

She wrapped her arms around his back. "I love you too." She whimpered. And with that, the tears poured out. "Can we go? Please?"

"Yeah, of course." He started to lead her out, but saw the state her shirt was in. He noticed blood on her stomach and touched it in concern.

"He-He cut my shirt open with the knife. It's just a surface wound." She explained. Her eyes were glued to the ground and Jay felt his heart sink.

He knows Erin takes things hard. He knows she blames herself for a lot of things that are out of her control, and he was sure she was blaming herself for not seeing through Tawny's act.

"Hey, this isn't on you." He tilted her chin up. "We all bought into what Tawny was saying. It's a mistake anyone could have made."

"I couldn't even put up a fight."

"You're safe now." Jay wiped the fallen tear from her cheek.

A sound from the hallway startled both of them. Antonio came into the room with a t-shirt that had 'POLICE' written across the front.

"Ruzek mentioned you might need a new shirt." He tossed it to Erin. "You good?"

"Mmhmm." She nodded.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"She's alright." Jay answered. "Thanks, Antonio."

"Come down when you're ready." He left the room.

Erin changed her shirt quickly and she and Jay walked out of the house together. She saw Atwater walking by with Tawny in his grasp.

"Hey." The two of them kept moving as if she never spoke. "Hey!"

Tawny turned to look at her as Atwater stopped walking. "You know that little girl was _fourteen_?"

Jay watched as Tawny spit on Erin. Before anyone could react, Erin had pulled her arm back and punched Tawny in the face. She would have fallen to the ground from the force if Atwater wasn't holding her up.

Jay ran forward and gathered her into his arms, pulling her tight against his chest. "Calm down." He pleaded.

She moved out of his grasp. "I'm good."

A third car pulled up to the scene. Voight and Alvin jumped out, immediately going over to the only woman of the group.

"What happened here?" Voight's gravelly voice demanded. His eyes were glued to Jay with silent accusations.

"I went off without backup." Erin explained. "I believed Tawny's story and I wanted to find the men who did this to Carolyn."

"That's it?" Voight motioned to her blood splattered face. "Whose DNA is all over your face then?"

Erin was silent for a moment as she watched the cars drive off containing Tawny and Spence. Jay could sense her discomfort and motioned subtly to Ruzek and Atwater that they were no longer needed. They climbed into their car as Antonio went over to the car the two of them had arrived in.

"I was trying to help Tawny identify who the men were. We were looking at pictures and out of nowhere, one of the guys hit me with something and pressed a rag of nitric oxide over my face. Next thing I know, I'm tied up to a bed and the third guy is coming towards me." She bit her lip. "I tried to fight, but he had my arms and legs bound and then tied to the bed. I wanted to scream, but my mouth was gagged. He grabbed me by my throat and he held me down and he cut my shirt open."

Jay could see Voight growing angrier as Erin's story progressed. Even Al had that wild look he sometimes got in his eye when someone he loved was in danger. Jay rubbed a hand over Erin's back to try and comfort her.

"He got my pants down and he was about to pull my underwear down when Jay showed up."

He decided to pick up the story from there to give her a break. "He held a knife to her neck, I told him to drop it, he refused, so I put a bullet through his brain." He described simply. "He's dead in that upstairs bedroom."

"Good work, Halstead." Voight commended. "Lindsay, take the rest of the day off."

"No."

"That was an order."

"I have to tell Carolyn. She needs to know she's safe."

"I'll tell her."

"It has to be me. Please, Hank. She's a little girl."

"A little help here?" he looked to Jay.

Jay knew that Erin needed to go home, but he also knew that she always put everyone before herself and she wouldn't rest until this girl knew she was safe.

"Please, Sarge." He backed her up.

"Fine. Halstead, go with her."

"Trust me, I'm not leaving her alone any time soon."

The detectives shuffled around cars so that Jay and Erin could be in their own car to go tell Carolyn the good news. Jay's mind couldn't leave his partner. He couldn't imagine if something had happened to her.

His grip tightened on the steering wheel. "Promise me something." She hummed in acknowledgement. "Promise me you'll never, ever go off without back up again. I'm serious. Not even to write up a speeding ticket. That goes for all of us..."

"Trust me, I'm already kicking myself for how stupid I was."

"Promise me."

"I promise." She reached out for his hand. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Just don't scare me like that ever again." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I love you so much."

He glanced at her and saw her smile. "I love you too."

 **Up Next… B: Beautiful**


	2. Beautiful

**B: Beautiful**

 _*Jay can see Erin's beauty all the time, but it is so much more noticeable when they have a day off to spend together._

Jay woke up to sunlight streaming directly into his face and a weight on top of his chest. He smiled at the latter and looked down to see a mess of dark hair. He loved that his apartment was never too hot because they never really had to deal with uncomfortableness of their sweaty skin getting stuck together.

He still couldn't believe Erin was his, totally and completely. It had been rough trying to get her to see that they were good together. She usually fought against anything that made her happy because she was so scared to lose it, and her relationship with Jay wasn't any different. There were many times he could sense her pulling away, but he knew how to reassure her fears better than anyone else.

"Mmmm." He heard Erin hum. She lifted up her head and smiled when she saw that he was awake.

"Good morning." He said before kissing her forehead.

"Morning." She laid her head back down on his chest and sighed. Jay played with her slightly tangled hair, letting her fully wake up.

"What do you want to do today?" he wondered.

"This." She brought her right hand up to cover his mouth. "Shhh."

Jay couldn't help but laugh. She was _not_ a morning person.

He traced circles on her bare back with his index finger and listened to her breathing. He lived for mornings like these where they didn't have to go to work and he could hold her for as long as he wanted.

Erin sat up and pulled the blanket around her body. She dragged it off of the bed with her and over to her dresser, where she slid on a pair of underwear and a t-shirt of Jay's. She threw the blanket at him and laughed when it hit him in the face. She went into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Jay got up and threw on a pair of boxers and sweatpants. He went out to the kitchen and got some scrambled eggs and bacon started. It didn't take long for a tiny pair of arms to wrap around his waist.

He turned around and gently lifted her onto the counter behind them. She grabbed both of his cheeks and pulled him close as she planted a long, slow kiss on his lips. He pulled back reluctantly to finish their food and put it on plates.

"Come on." He carried the plates to the small dining room table and put them down in their usual spots. They ate slowly as they talked about life and work and anything else that came up.

After they finished eating, Erin collected their plates and went over to the sink. He didn't know how he was so lucky to be with a girl as perfect as her. She rinsed the plates as he walked over to the living room to find something to watch on TV. He landed on some movie that had come out a couple years ago that he thought Erin would like.

Less than a minute later, she was walking over to him. She straddled his lap and rested her head against his shoulder as she let out a comfortable sigh. Jay knew she hadn't been sleeping well and that she needed the rest, so he didn't mind spending their day off napping if that's what she wanted to do.

He glanced down at her and studied her features. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell from her breathing that she wasn't sleeping. Her long, dark eyelashes laid against her cheeks. There was a little crinkle on her cheek from where her dimple would be if she was smiling, and he knew there was an identical one on the other side of her face. He couldn't help himself and leaned down to kiss her perfect little nose.

"I love you." He whispered.

"Love you." She repeated, nuzzling her face further into his neck. Her breathing tickled his skin, but he didn't mind. He turned so he was laying on his back and she could stretch her legs out a little more. She stayed completely on top of him as he grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and stretched it out over them. "Thank you." She mumbled.

"Get some rest." He kissed her forehead and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep with her.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Awww, how adorable."

The last thing Jay wanted was to wake up to the sound of Adam Ruzek's voice, especially in his apartment, on his day off with his beautiful girlfriend asleep on top of him.

He opened his eyes when he heard loud laughter in an attempt to quiet them before Erin woke up, but he knew he was too late when she sat up.

"Why are you here?" she deadpanned as she rubbed her eyes.

Jay couldn't help but smile. She looked like a sleepy little kid. He grabbed the wrist that was on his stomach and helping her support herself so she could sit, which caused her to fall back on top of him. He tilted her chin up and kissed her.

"Are we interrupting something here?" Antonio chimed in from behind Ruzek. Jay saw that Atwater was standing a few feet away from him.

Erin buried her face in his neck and groaned. "Why are they here?"

"Hey, we can hear you!" Ruzek called out.

"That's why she said it." Jay sat up, bringing Erin with him. He made sure the blanket was still covering her up; even though his t-shirt was pretty long on her, he didn't want any of the other guys staring at her legs. "Seriously though. What are you guys doing here?"

"It's a nice day. We came to ask if you wanted to go fishing or something."

"Fishing." Erin raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Why can't we go fishin'?" Atwater wondered.

"Because I've never heard any of you talk about fishing before in the entire time I've known you."

"It's an unappreciated hobby." Ruzek shrugged. "You coming or what?" Jay glanced over at her. "God, they're doing that silent talking thing."

He noticed her subtle shrug and knew the choice was up to him. While he would have been content just hanging out with his girl at home all day, he knew she would get a little restless.

"We'll go."

"Go get dressed then!" Ruzek ripped the blanket off of them and saw Erin didn't have any pants on. His eyes lingered for a second.

"We'll wait in the car." Antonio stated as he slapped the back of Ruzek's head. "Be respectful."

"Sorry, Linds." He followed Antonio and Atwater to the car.

"Idiots." Erin mumbled as she stood to go to their room. Jay walked after her.

"You sure you want to go? I can tell them to leave."

"Why shouldn't we go? Fishing could be fun."

He smiled in amusement. "Have you ever been fishing?"

"Nope." She pulled her shirt (technically _his_ shirt) over her head and he momentarily lost his train of thought. She laughed at his staring and pulled a bra from her dresser.

"What was I saying?" he asked.

"You were gonna make fun of me for never going fishing."

"It's kind of boring. It's mostly just sitting around and drinking."

"That I can handle." She pulled a dark blue V-neck on and a pair of jeans as Jay changed into jeans and a gray t-shirt. They both brushed their teeth and Erin started on her makeup. Jay watched curiously from next to her.

"What does _that_ thing do?" he pointed to the metal contraption that was in his girlfriend's hand.

"It's an eyelash curler." She brought it up dangerously close to her eye and he watched her carefully, ready to jump into action if she hurt herself. She noticed his posture and laughed. "It doesn't hurt, Jay."

He relaxed a little and watched as she pulled out a tube from her bag. He knew it was mascara and his suspicions were confirmed when she put it onto her eyelashes.

"I don't know why you wear makeup. You're gorgeous without it."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Shhh."

"I'm serious, baby." He kissed her cheek. She put the mascara down and pulled out something that looked like a stick. She took the cap off and brought it up to her eye. "I don't know how I feel about you using all this dangerous stuff."

"It's just eyeliner." She did it quickly and then turned to show Jay the results. "See?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned in to kiss her. "You're perfect."

"Stop." She wiggled out of his arms and put all of her stuff away. She ran a brush through her hair and went to pull it up, but stopped when Jay ran his fingers through it.

"Can you leave it? I love when your hair's like this."

"Okay." She turned off the bathroom light and they put their shoes on and went out to where the guys were waiting. They all piled into Antonio's SUV.

The drive to the lake took about twenty minutes and everyone was talking loudly and laughing. Jay couldn't deny that it was fun being around their friends, even if he was excited to spend the day with just Erin.

When they arrived to the lake, Antonio grabbed fishing poles for all of them. He opened up a container of worms and another of chicken liver and ordered everyone to dig in.

Erin watched wearily as Jay grabbed a piece of chicken liver and attached it to the hook on the end of his pole.

"Want me to do yours?" he questioned.

She nodded. "It smells horrible."

"Wow, Erin Lindsay, who finds dead bodies on a regular basis, can't touch a piece of chicken liver." Ruzek teased. "Who knew you were such a girl?"

"At least she actually is a girl. What's your excuse, Atwater?" Jay said as he watched him grimace while grabbing a worm.

"They're slimy." He defended.

Jay finished getting Erin's chicken liver on for her and brought her away from the guys a little bit. He showed her how to cast her line and while he did it effortlessly, hers got hooked onto a bush on her first try, and then the grass on the second.

"You can do it this time, babe." He encouraged. Erin casted her line and it landed into the water.

"I did it!" she announced with a grin.

"That was perfect!" Jay praised. "Good job."

They all sat quietly for the next five minutes, besides the occasional bantering between Ruzek and Atwater. Then, Erin saw her bobber go under.

"It's going under." She told Jay as she hit his arm excitedly.

"Stay still, you don't want to shake the line too much." He smiled at her childlike excitement and it made his heart ache that she had never gotten to do this when she was a kid, like he had. "Alright, pull it in."

Erin reeled the line in and when it came up, they all saw a good sized fish on the end of it.

"Did you see that?" she practically shouted. "I caught a fish!"

"That was great, baby." Jay kissed her forehead. "Wanna let him go?"

"I don't want to touch it." She informed him.

"I'll help you." He showed her the best way to get the fish off the hook. She even touched it once he held it in his hands and squealed when it flopped around.

As Jay looked at her, he knew he would spend the rest of her life finding new things for her to do. He would never get tired of the happiness on her face when she realized that she could do something she had never done before.

They all sat out there for hours, drinking and fishing and eating lunches that Antonio had packed for them. On the way home, Erin leaned her head against Jay's shoulder.

"Thank you." She whispered.

He knew she meant for more than just the fishing. He kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome."

 **Up Next… C: Cramps**


	3. Cramps

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! I didn't know what I was going to get when I posted this or even if anyone would like it, but I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying it! Please keep reviewing and let me know if there's anything you would like to see or anything you think I could improve on!**

 **C: Cramps**

 _*Nothing brings out the concern in Jay like Erin being in pain, even if it is just her period._

He wasn't sure what woke him up, but at a little after five in the morning, Jay opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the angelic face of his girlfriend. He reached out to pull her closer, wanting to hold her until their alarms went off and they had to get ready for another day. He was surprised when she groaned and pulled away from him.

Jay stared at her in shock. Erin's eyes were still closed and it didn't seem like there was any visible reason she wouldn't want to cuddle with him. He tried to think if he did anything to upset her before they went to bed the night before, but his mind came back blank.

Thinking maybe she had done it on accident, he reached out for her again.

"Jay, stop." She whined tiredly.

"What's wrong?" he questioned, picking up on her tone.

"I'm trying to sleep."

"Do you not feel well?"

Erin flung the comforter off of her body. "It's so hot in here."

He was confused. Erin usually slept with the blanket right under her chin and she would cuddle with him right when they went to sleep and right before they woke up. He didn't understand what was going on with her.

He put his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off. "Please don't touch me."

Exasperated, Jay was about to give up, until he noticed Erin's hands pressed against her stomach. He thought about the date and his suspicions were confirmed; it was _that_ time of the month.

He rolled out of bed and went across the room to where they kept a fan. He turned it on and pointed it towards her, then went out to the kitchen. He dumped two ibuprofens in his hand and grabbed a glass of water and returned to his girlfriend's side.

"Here." He passed her the pills and she muttered a quick 'thanks' before swallowing them. He laid down and felt her body scoot back into his. He smiled and put his arms around her, resting his hands on her stomach and rubbing the skin there gently.

"I'm sorry I was being so mean."

"You weren't."

"Yes, I was. I don't mean to."

"I know." He kissed her temple. "We've got about another hour until our alarms go off. Sleep."

Jay continued to trace shapes into Erin's abdomen, hoping he was taking away a little bit of her pain. Before he knew it, it was time to get up.

Erin rolled over in his arms and buried her face in his chest. He squeezed her tightly and then released her. "C'mon, time to get up."

"No." she groaned.

"Yes."

"If you give me five more minutes, I'll give you something." She hadn't even bothered trying to make her voice sound seductive. Jay chuckled.

"Sorry, not the time to cut deals." He got out of bed and went towards the bathroom. "And now you're going to miss out on first shower opportunity."

"No!" she shouted. She threw the blankets off and ran towards the bathroom. He raced her there and she grabbed his arm before he could go in. "I got here first."

"No you didn't."

"Jay, I need a shower!"

"Then you shouldn't have argued when I told you to get up." He sing-songed.

Erin's bottom lip stuck out slightly and he knew that she was getting ready to give him the puppy dog look. It worked every. Single. Time. But he was determined to have it end differently this time.

"Save the look, I'm showering."

"Please?" she changed her look from a pout to smile, which showed off her perfect dimples.

"No."

"I love you." She stood on her toes and kissed him once. "Plus I'm cramping and the hot water usually helps the pain."

She really pulled out the big guns today. The puppy dog look, the dimples, confessions of love, and bringing up how she was in pain. How could Jay possibly say no?

"You better not use all the hot water." He gave in.

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek and closed the bathroom door behind her.

A half an hour later, they were in his car and on the way to work. Erin hadn't spoken too much, which didn't really surprise him. He reached over for her hand and kissed the top of it.

When they arrived at the police department, Voight informed the team that they would just be doing paperwork for the day. They had just closed a big case yesterday and they had a lot to do to make sure all of the evidence stuck.

Jay glanced across the room to Erin's desk. She was biting her bottom lip, which was a telltale sign that she was a little uncomfortable. Her left hand came up to rub at her temple. He knew better than to say anything though.

Erin stood up and walked towards their break room. Jay waited a few seconds and then followed after her. She had both of her hands on the counter and her eyes were closed. He quietly came up behind her and put both hands on her stomach and rubbed gently. She let out a tiny whimper and leaned against him.

"You good?" he kissed her cheek.

"I hate myself right now. People go through much worse pain than this, but I'm whining about having cramps. It's ridiculous."

"Pain is pain." He informed her. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No, but can you rub my back for a second? Normally it doesn't hurt, but these cramps feel like they're spread out everywhere."

"Yeah." He let go of her and moved his hands to her lower back instead. He could feel a little bit of the tension in her body float away as she sighed.

A throat was cleared behind them and they both turned to see who it was. Voight had his arms crossed over his chest as he watched them.

"What is this?" he questioned.

"Nothing." Erin quickly answered. Jay knew why without her even having to say it. A lot of people didn't think Erin was as tough as everyone else since she was the only girl in their unit, so she didn't like to draw attention to weaknesses, like having a period. Too bad no one realized she was probably the toughest of them all.

"It didn't look like nothing." His gravelly voice accused.

"We were just getting some coffee, sir." Jay stepped in. "We've gotta get back to our paperwork."

Voight didn't look convinced, but he let it go as the detectives walked past him and back to their desks.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Later that night, Jay knocked on the bathroom door. When he didn't hear any response, he opened it slowly to see what his girlfriend was doing. She was in the bathtub with her hair up so it didn't touch the water and her head up against the wall. Her eyes were shut and he wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not.

He went over and kneeled down next to her. He pressed a kiss to her temple and her eyes fluttered open. She looked confused for a second, and then she realized where she was.

"I love you." He told her.

Erin's face lit up in a smile. "Thank you for taking care of me today. I feel so stupid for letting the pain get to me so much, but I'm glad you were there."

"Anything for my girl." He kissed her quickly. "Now get out of the bath so we can order some carryout or something." She nodded her head and he went to leave.

"Jay?" he turned. "I love you too."

He couldn't help but smile as he went into the living room. It had been so hard to get Erin to open up to him, but now that she actually was, he was so happy he was persistent. There were still some things they didn't really talk about, like Nadia or his time in the Rangers, but they were getting there and he knew it would come up at the right time. He just had to wait and be there for her.

 **Next up… D: Darkness!**

 **Warning you now that this one is going to be long, and it gets kind of dark. It should probably be up by tomorrow or Monday!**


	4. Darkness

**Warning you all now, this chapter has some death and drug and alcohol use. It's also over 10,000 words, so it's pretty long. Let me know what you think!**

 **D: Darkness**

 _*Even though she tries to play it off, Jay sees when her smile isn't as bright as usual. He can hear the tenseness in her laughter, see the crinkle in her forehead from trying so hard to slip into her usual façade. But he knows her better than anyone, and he knows when she's putting on an act. And it almost always has to do with her past._

Jay didn't know what was going on with Erin today, but since they had woken up, she had barely spoken. She hadn't even put up a fight on who got to shower first, and she had skipped breakfast entirely and just opted for coffee instead.

He could see that look in her eyes. That darkness that had settled in while she was grieving for Nadia and out doing God knows what. Jay wasn't sure how to act in this situation. He didn't want to push her away, but he needed to know what was going on with her. He needed to be able to help her.

"Baby?" she was staring down into her coffee cup and didn't even act like she heard him. "Erin?"

Her head tilted up to make eye contact with him and she forced a smile. But he knows her better than anyone, and he could see that she was hurting.

"What's going on with you?"

"I'm just tired." She answered weakly. It was obvious that even she knew that he knew she was lying. "We better go or we're going to be late."

Normally, their morning car rides were filled with talking, or if she was in a really good mood, singing. But today, there was silence. Jay grabbed her hand and she let him hold it, but she didn't squeeze his back. He was driving because she had wordlessly gone to the passenger's side of the car, which was very unusual.

Jay glanced in her direction and saw the frown on her face. He could see her teary eyes and he couldn't just watch her suffer.

"Can we talk about what's upsetting you?"

He could see Erin's entire body tense. She pulled her hand away from him. "I'm fine."

"Erin, you look like you're about to cry. I know something is going on. Just let me help."

"I don't need your help!" she snapped.

Jay knew not to push her. He pulled into the parking lot of the police department and as soon as the car was stopped, Erin jumped out. She walked quickly into the station.

He followed after her and was stopped by Ruzek. "What's going on with her today? She nearly bit my head off for bumping into her."

"No clue." He replied. He passed him and went over to his desk to sit down. Erin sat down at her desk a minute later and stared blankly at the wall.

Voight stood at the front of the room, immediately drawing the attention of everyone besides Erin. "Seven-year-old girl kidnapped last night." He taped a picture of a little girl with dark brown curls and big, brown eyes onto the board. She looked small and fragile and Jay couldn't understand why anyone could hurt an innocent child. "I'm sorry, Detective Lindsay, are we boring you?" Voight said suddenly.

Jay looked over to where Erin was still blankly staring. "No, sir." She answered as she slowly looked to Voight.

The older man shook his head at his surrogate daughter and continued on with his case briefing. "Allie Matthews. Her mother, Sarah Matthews, says she was taken from her bedroom sometime between midnight and six o'clock this morning."

Jay's attention was caught by Erin suddenly standing up. She looked like she was about to be sick. Jay wondered if that's what her problem was today.

"Erin, sit." Voight commanded.

"I can't…" she began.

"Sit!" he shouted. Erin sat back down and tried hard to look unaffected, but it was clear to Jay that something was wrong. Voight continued. "Her grandmother, Betty Matthews, was murdered two nights before and we believe these cases are connected. We start by gathering as much information as we can on this family. Halstead and Lindsay, I want you to go to the family's home and talk to the mother."

"No." Erin objected.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? Did you say no?"

"I can't do it."

"I wasn't asking you, I was _telling_ you." Voight shook his head at her. "Whatever is going on with you today, you need to get over it. Ruzek and Atwater, find everything you can about Betty Matthews. Al, Antonio, I want you to drive by Betty Matthews' home and see if any of the neighbors heard anything. Now let's get to work!"

Jay watched Erin hesitantly stand. She made eye contact with him for a second and then started to walk towards the stairs. He stood, but Voight stopped him before he could go after her.

"What's going on with her?" he questioned.

"I have no idea. She won't talk to me."

"Figure it out and fix it." Voight took his hand off Jay's shoulder and let him go after his girlfriend.

He found Erin waiting in the driver's seat of the black SUV that was designated for them to drive. He climbed in and before he could even get his seatbelt on, she took off.

"Will you talk to me?" he pleaded.

She sighed. "Nothing is wrong, Jay. I'm just tired and I've got a headache. I'm not in the best mood and I don't want to take it out on you because you didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay." He replied. He understood they all had those days, but he wasn't convinced that that was it. He had felt her tossing and turning all night, so he didn't doubt that she was tired, but there was something else.

She pulled into a gas station parking lot and got out. He figured she was stopping for coffee or something, so he was surprised when she returned with a bag of powdered donuts and two individual sized chocolate milks.

"Chocolate milk?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Erin looked at him and he could see that something was seriously going on with her. "Please Jay. Just please be quiet for a while. All the thoughts in my head are already killing me and you're not helping."

"Babe, you can talk to me about it." He tried.

"I don't want to talk. I want to figure out where this little girl is and get her home where she belongs." She put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot she had been in.

It took them ten minutes to arrive at the home of the Matthews family. Jay noticed it wasn't in the nicest neighborhood, but Erin didn't seem to observe her surroundings at all. He looked towards the house they were going to and saw the front door fly open.

"Erin!" a little dark haired girl ran down the stairs. Jay watched in surprise as his girlfriend knelt down and hugged the child.

"Hi, sweet girl." She lifted her up. "Where's Mama?"

"Inside." The little girl laid her head on Erin's shoulder. Her eyes met with Jay's. "Who's that?"

"This is Jay." Erin introduced.

"Is he good?"

Erin gave the first smile he had seen all day. "He's the best."

"I'm Madeleine, but everyone calls me Maddie." She introduced.

"Hi, Maddie. It's nice to meet you."

Maddie giggled and held onto Erin as she carried her into the house. Jay followed behind her and saw a little boy come out.

"Hi, Gavin." Erin greeted. "Come inside, I got you guys some breakfast."

"Yay!" Maddie cheered. Erin handed her the bag and set her down and she ran inside.

"You okay, buddy?" she asked Gavin. He nodded his head slowly and turned to go inside. Erin followed after him and held the door open for Jay.

"Erin…" he started to ask, but she shook her head.

Jay watched as a dark haired woman came into the room. It was unmistakable that she was the mother of Maddie, Gavin, and the little girl that he had only seen a picture of. "Well if it isn't Erin Lindsay. Great to see you, princess." Sarah pulled Erin into her arms and Jay could see his partner was tense. She pulled away after a second.

The adults noticed at the same time that Gavin was struggling with the donut bag. "Let me help you." Erin opened the bag for the kids. Maddie came over with two paper plates and Erin gave each of them four donuts. The kids sat down at the table to eat. "Sarah, can I talk to you in the living room?"

Jay watched the two women walk to the living room and he went after his partner. Erin looked exhausted and like she wanted to be anywhere other than here right now. Jay was confused on how she already knew this family.

"I take it you're here about Allie?" Sarah questioned.

"Yeah."

"Mama said bad men took Allie." Maddie commented from the kitchen as she turned around in her chair to be able to see them. "Are you gonna find the bad men, Jay?"

He was surprised the little girl was addressing him, but he nodded. "Yeah, we are."

"Good. I miss my sister." Maddie turned back around in her chair to eat her donuts.

"Tell us what happened." Erin began.

"The kids went to bed last night at around eleven. They were all in their rooms until Allie came out to get some water at around 11:30. I checked on them at midnight and then I went to bed. I got up at six and went to wake them up for school, but Allie was gone. I immediately called the police and because of my mom's death and the possibility that they could be connected, they said I didn't have to wait 24 hours for them to file a report."

"Why aren't Gavin and Maddie at school?" Erin wondered.

"They're sister was just stolen out of her bed, Erin. Do you think I want to let them out of my sight?"

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."

Sarah glanced down at her phone and then back at Erin. "You know what the date is today?"

Jay looked at Erin curiously, wondering what the woman in front of them was talking about. His girlfriend nodded.

"You know it's been seven years, right?"

"Yes."

"I still can't believe he's gone. Daniel was an amazing guy. He loved Allie so much for the few months that he knew her. It's crazy that she disappeared on the day he died." A few tears fell down Sarah's cheek and she quickly wiped them away.

"Do you have any idea who could be responsible for this?" Jay stepped in.

"There's not anyone that I can think of. Allie is the sweetest little girl, and we pretty much keep to ourselves. I don't know who would want to hurt a seven-year-old."

"You're not in any trouble with anyone?" Erin asked.

"No." Sarah answered. "God, I still can't believe Daniel's been gone for seven years. It's a shame he never got to meet Maddie or Gavin. He would have loved them just as much as he loved Allie."

"I heard about your mom. I'm so sorry." Erin changed the subject. Jay wondered who Daniel was and why Erin seemed so hesitant to talk about him.

"It's been so rough without her here." Sarah let her head drop into her hands. "I just don't understand why all of this happened at once. Losing your mother is hard enough, but then to find out someone took your seven-year-old? I don't know why this is happening, Erin."

"You're talking to me here, Sar. You know you can trust me, right?" Sarah nodded. "Are you in any trouble with money?"

Sarah shrugged and both detectives could see she was getting uncomfortable. "I owe a little money to a friend, but it's not a big deal. It's being taken care of and it doesn't have anything to do with this. I know my friend would never hurt my mother or one of my kids."

"Okay." Erin stood up and Jay followed her lead. "Thank you, Sarah. If you think of anything else, let us know, okay? Bye Gavin, bye Maddie."

"No!" Maddie screamed. She ran over to Erin and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Please don't go."

"I have to, Maddie. I have to go back to the police station so I can try and find your sister."

"I wanna go with you. Please, Erin. Please!" she cried. "I miss Allie. I wanna help find Allie!"

"I'll find her, sweetie. Stay here with Mama and Gavin."

"Please!" Maddie held her arms up so Erin would pick her up.

Erin lifted her up and kissed her cheek. "Go finish your breakfast. I'll see you again soon. I've got to go find your sister and you have to stay here. It's okay. Do you trust me?" Maddie nodded. "Gavin, do you?" he nodded too. "I'll find out what happened to Allie."

"And to Grandma?" Gavin asked quietly.

"And to Grandma." Erin added. "The two of you be good, okay?" she kissed the top of their heads. "Let's go, Jay."

"Let us know if you think of anything else." Jay stated.

"I will. Thank you." Sarah held out her hand and as Jay started to shake it, he finally realized where Erin knew this woman from.

Sarah had track marks on her arms. She had, at some point, been involved with drugs.

Jay walked out the front door and jogged to catch up to Erin. "Hey…"

Erin climbed into the driver's seat and ignored him.

"What's going on? Who are those people? How do you know them?"

"Sarah's an old friend."

"Is she still an addict?" Erin looked at him in surprise. "She has track marks on her arm, Erin. I'm not an idiot."

"I'm not talking about this with you."

"Forget the fact that I'm your boyfriend for a second and that I'm worried about you. I'm your partner. I was completely blindsided by the fact that you knew her when we went in there. How could you not tell me anything?"

"Because, Jay. This is something I have to deal with. I'll figure it out."

"I want you to tell me about Sarah Matthews and your history with her."

"Later."

Jay let out an exasperated huff and stared out the window. He was surprised when he saw they were going in the opposite direction of the station. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

After about a half an hour, Jay realized they were going to the closest prison. Erin led the way inside and went over to the front desk. She showed her badge.

"I need to speak with Dominic Lacey in relation to a case I'm currently working on."

"I'll get Mr. Lacey into a private room." The woman disappeared behind the counter.

"Who is Dominic Lacey?"

"Jay, I need to focus. Please just shut up."

"Whatever, Erin." He rolled his eyes at her. He was done with her attitude for the day and the way she was avoiding all of his questions. It was extremely annoying, not to mention how dangerous it was for him to go into situations where he didn't know the whole story.

"He's Allie's father." Erin said quietly.

Jay was surprised she was actually letting him in on what was happening. "What's he in prison for?"

"Armed robbery."

"Right this way, detectives." The woman led Erin and Jay down a hallway and to a room. She slid her name badge and unlocked the door, allowing them to pass through.

"Well, well, if it isn't Erin Lindsay. What brings you to my cell?"

Jay studied the man sitting in front of them. He had dark hair and the same brown eyes that Allie had in her picture. He had a tattoo sleeve on his left arm and Jay could see the 'Allie' written in cursive across his right forearm.

"This is my partner, Detective Jay Halstead. I've got some questions for you." She sat down on the right while Jay took the chair on the left.

"Okay. What's going on?"

"Are you in trouble with anyone?"

Dominic frowned. "Not that I know of. When I got sent to prison, I cut ties with everyone. I just want to get my time done and see my little girl." A small smile landed on his face and Jay knew then that he didn't know what had happened. A look at Erin showed that she came to the same conclusion.

"Dom, I've gotta tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Allie disappeared this morning."

"What?"

"Sarah said that she last saw her at 11:30pm, and when she went to wake her up for school, she was gone." Erin explained.

"What about the other two? Are they alright?"

"They're at home and safe. We need to know if you have any idea what could have happened to Allie. I'm not sure if you know this or not, but Sarah's mother was murdered two days ago and we think there may be a connection from that to Allie's kidnapping. I need to have all of the information so I can find her as soon as possible."

Dominic's face turned stony. "You should go talk to Sarah about that. She's the one that's been messing with Enzo."

Jay glanced at his partner to gage her reaction to this new information. Erin had that darkness in her face that happened only when something horrible had happened.

"Erin, you've gotta find my little girl." Jay watched as a tear fell from the prisoner's eye and the man used his shoulder to wipe it away.

"I promise you that I will get to the bottom of this. Thank you for helping out, Dom. If you think of anything else, call me."

"I will. Bring her home, Erin. Please keep me in the loop."

"You know that I will." Erin stood up. Jay felt like he had been doing nothing but following her all day, so once again, he went after her.

"Alright, I can't play this game with you anymore." Jay grabbed Erin's arm gently. "Please, babe. I need to know what happened. I need to know what's going on so I can protect myself and you in this situation."

He could see Erin's face soften a bit. "Dom and Sarah are old friends of mine."

"Are they the ones who got you involved with drugs?"

"No. Dom isn't into drugs, and Sarah is an addict, but she's supposed to be in recovery."

"Supposed to be?" Jay couldn't help but ask.

"We're gonna pay her another visit and see how true that is."

The car ride didn't take very long to get back to Sarah's. They went up to the front door and Erin knocked.

Sarah answered. "Did you find Allie?"

"We need to have a talk." Erin responded. She opened up the screen door and let herself into the house. "Where are Gavin and Maddie?"

"Playing in their rooms."

"Let's go in the kitchen." Erin led the way and a confused Sarah followed. Jay was really doubtful that Sarah would give them anything useful after the conversation they had with her earlier.

"What's going on? Do you know something about Allie?" Sarah wondered after they all sat at the kitchen table.

"I just went to visit Dom."

"How is he?" Sarah asked. "It's been a long time since I've seen him."

"He was good, until I told him Allie was missing. He mentioned something interesting though."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me that you've been involved with Enzo."

Sarah's face hardened immediately. "Stay out of it, Erin."

"I'm not gonna stay out of it. All I want to do is find Allie. I don't care what you do in your spare time as long as those kids are safe."

"Oh don't act like you care about them. When's the last time we even spoke? Two months ago?"

Jay realized then that Sarah had been involved in Erin's relapse after Nadia's death. He could feel his anger rising, but he knew he couldn't say anything. This wasn't about Erin; it was about getting Allie home safely.

"That doesn't mean I don't care. I want what's best for them. What's going on with Enzo, Sarah?"

The woman sighed. "I owe him money. I fell into a rough patch and he paid six months' worth of my rent." She looked wearily at Jay.

"You can trust us." Erin reassured her.

"I've been scoring from him. He exchanged some stuff with me for something else."

Erin nodded. "How much do you owe him?"

"5,000 dollars."

"I'll help you get it taken care of." Erin replied. "We've gotta go. Lay low, okay? Don't get involved with anything else."

"Please, you have to find Allie. I don't know what he's going to do to her."

"I'll do everything I can." She and Jay stood to exit the house.

They arrived back to the station after a silent car ride. Erin immediately went up to Intelligence and grabbed a picture from Mouse's desk. She pinned it on the board.

"Dominic Lacey. He's Allie's father and currently doing time for armed robbery. When Jay and I visited Sarah, she mentioned that she owed some money to a "friend" but she didn't think it was a big deal. Sarah is involved with Lorenzo "Enzo" Saltori. She owes him five thousand dollars for rent and drugs."

"How do you know all this?" Voight wondered. Jay looked at his face and could see that he was battling with his emotions. He was curious to know if Voight knew Sarah and Dom from Erin's past.

"I went to see Dom in prison."

"Erin…" Voight began.

"No, we need to try and find Allie. Enzo is ruthless. He'll do anything to get back what he believes is his. He won't care that he's using a little girl to do it."

"I don't understand why he doesn't go after the mom. She's the one who he wants to get back at." Atwater chimed in.

"Because when you're an addict, you don't really care what all you have to lose. All you care about is getting high." Erin answered. "If he takes away her source of getting high, and rips away her one reason to actually sober up, he's going to drive her off of the deep end. Enzo has no standards and he'll go after innocent people without a second thought."

"Maybe this Enzo guy is just holding Allie for ransom. He wants money, right?" Ruzek suggested.

"That's not how he works." Erin rejected.

Ruzek looked at her. "How do you know so much about this guy?"

"Erin…" Voight jumped in.

"Because when I was fifteen years old, I owed him a thousand dollars." Erin completely ignored Voight's attempt to shut her up. She pulled up her shirt and pointed out a scar on her stomach. Jay had seen it many times, but he never knew what it was from. "This is where Enzo stabbed me. After I got out of the hospital, he beat me senseless until I gave him all of my painkillers, and then he told me we were even. Enzo isn't to be messed with. He most likely killed Betty, and he'll kill Allie if we can't stop it."

"Why did you owe the guy money?" Atwater questioned.

"I can't remember if it was for cocaine or heroin."

Jay looked around the room. Unsurprisingly, Voight and Al looked unfazed at her admission. Jay didn't know that particular story, but he knew about Erin's past and that she was an addict, so he wasn't too shocked. Atwater, Ruzek, and Antonio were staring at her with strange expressions.

"Hey Erin, can I ask you something?" Jay called out. She nodded her head. "Earlier, Sarah said how she exchanged some stuff with Enzo for something else. What did she mean?"

"He's well known for prostituting out girls so that they can get money to buy his drugs. I'm sure Sarah was one of those girls. She exchanged sex for money for drugs."

"Shouldn't we get child services involved with this? What about Gavin and Maddie?"

"Who?" Voight jumped in.

"Sarah's five-year-old son and four-year-old daughter. They're still at the house with her." Erin responded.

"Are they safe?"

"I honestly don't think so."

"We'll send a squad car to sit outside of their house until we're done with this investigation. Any more surprises, Erin?"

"None that I can think of."

"Then everyone talk to your CIs. We need to find out where Enzo is as soon as possible so we can find Allie." Voight ordered.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Two hours passed before Jay had finished calling everyone he could think of that may know Enzo's location. He walked into the break room to get some coffee to try and calm down a little bit. This was all a lot to take in, and it was even harder knowing his girlfriend was involved with all of this. He sat down at one of the tables and closed his eyes for a second. A few seconds later, he felt the presence of another person and looked up. He was a little surprised to see that it was Erin.

"Hi." She nearly whispered.

"Hi."

She moved so that she could sit on his lap and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry that I've been so rude. It's been a horrible day for me."

"Did you know that Allie was missing before we went to work today?"

"No."

"Then why were you in such a bad mood?"

"I'm sure you heard Sarah mentioning that today is seven years since Daniel passed away."

Jay nodded. "Who's Daniel?"

"He was one of my best friends when I was younger. He was two years older than me and he always kept me safe and watched out for me. Growing up with Bunny, I was involved with a lot of crazy stuff. Sometimes, random men would come and spend the night with her. One time, one of them wandered into my room. He tried to kiss me, but I freaked out and hit him over the head and ended up knocking him out. I called Daniel and he came over and made sure the guy was alive, and then he pulled him out of my room and spent the night with me so that nothing else could happen. After that, he was always around in case one of Bunny's friends got a little too touchy with me."

"Did the two of you date?" Jay wondered.

"No, he was like an older brother to me. Before Hank came around, he was the one to look after me and keep me safe. Or at least I always thought he was, but now that I'm older, I can see that he wasn't the best influence."

Jay stroked Erin's back soothingly. "Why do you say that?"

"He's the one who introduced me to drugs. Well, sort of. I had always been around them because of Bunny and everything, but one night, I was with Daniel and some of his friends and one of them offered me some kind of pill. Daniel told me to do whatever I wanted to do, but he had taken one of the pills and I trusted him. After that, it all just went downhill."

"How did Daniel die?"

"Overdosed on heroin. It's crazy that he's gone, but he never would have stopped. I tried so hard to get him clean, but he wouldn't listen."

"How long have you known Sarah?"

"I met her through Daniel. She was dating one of his friends. I'm actually the one who set up her and Dom; he was my friend and I brought him into Daniel's little group. I've known Dom since I was thirteen and Sarah since I was fifteen. They're a couple years older than me too. They dated for a few years, but they broke up when Allie turned a year old. Daniel died a couple months before then, which definitely drove a wrench into their relationship because they both loved him so much and the only way addicts know how to grieve is through benders."

Jay understood Erin's actions after Nadia's death a little better now. "Have you kept in touch with them all these years?"

"Not too much. I was really wild when I was younger. Hank took me in when I was fifteen, but I still rebelled a lot until I was seventeen. After that, I got it together and finished high school and I stayed clean. I started talking to Sarah again when I was twenty-two, which is when she got pregnant with Allie. I got to be around Daniel for those last couple of months of his life. I helped get a spot ready for him at rehab and everything, but he wanted to have one last party the night before he went away to get clean. That's when he overdosed." Erin paused for a minute. "When I heard that he died, I went to see Sarah and Dom. Sarah was doing heroin in his memory, pretty ironic, right? But I realized that I was so close to letting her put that needle in my arm and I had to go. I stopped talking to Sarah, and I only talked to Dom every now and then to check in. That's how I found out about their break-up, and how I knew Gavin and Maddie were born."

"Is Dom their father?"

"No. They both came from random one night stands that Sarah had while she was high out of her mind. Gavin was born addicted to drugs and he was taken into child services for the first month of his life until Sarah went to rehab and cleaned up. Obviously it didn't work too well though because she only stayed clean until after Maddie was born. I didn't see Sarah again until after Nadia." She confirmed his earlier suspicions that Sarah had been involved with her bender. He didn't expect her to say anything else, but he was pleasantly surprised when she continued on with her story. "I always hated when we would go to Sarah's. The kids would be asleep upstairs while everyone else was injecting themselves with God knows what. Sarah's mother took care of the kids most of the time, but at night, they were left alone with their mom and that's probably the worst place that they could be. In the mornings, I would start to sober up and I would realize that what we were doing was wrong and I would feel human again. I took care of the kids as much as I could; I think that's why Maddie seems so attached to me. I'm the only person, besides her grandma, who has ever taken care of her. It's sad to think about since I was a horrible drunken mess most of the time, but she still trusts me."

"You were there for her, Erin. She just needed someone and if that was able to help you get through things, then I'm glad you were there." He kissed her forehead. "Thank you for opening up to me, baby. I want to be here for you for these things. I want to help you." Jay told her.

"Thank you for listening to me." She leaned her head against his chest. "I had already been preparing for feeling bad about Daniel's death today, and then I had a nightmare about Nadia last night, which just made it a thousand times worse. Now with everything with Sarah and the kids, this day just keeps getting worse."

Jay kissed the top of her head. "What happened in your nightmare?"

"The same thing that always happens. Nadia climbing out of that shallow grave and telling me that it was all my fault."

Jay wrapped his arms tighter around Erin. She always seemed to be trapped in her own mind and he didn't know how to make her see that she wasn't responsible for everything that ever went wrong in her life.

"Halstead, Lindsay, we've got a location on Enzo." Antonio stated as he poked his head into the room.

"Where is he?" Erin demanded as she stood up.

"Some club about forty minutes from here called Calvin's."

"I know where that is." Erin stated. She walked back out into the main area with Antonio and Jay not far behind her. "I want to go in there to find Allie."

"No." Voight immediately objected. "You're too close to this case."

"I'm the only one who can do this. I know Enzo, I know Allie, and I know how his world works. None of you understand what we're about to get involved in."

"No, Erin." Jay chimed in. "You don't have to do this."

"Let me tell you all something. Allie is seven years old. When she was born, she was the tiniest baby I had ever seen, and the first baby I ever held. I was there for the first six months of her life, and even though I had to leave for personal reasons, I still checked in on her. She loves horses and Barbie dolls and her favorite color is purple. I made a promise to her father that I would find his little girl, and I need to bring Allie home to her brother and sister. I know you all are worried, but I have to do this."

"Do I have to remind you of the little bender that you went on two months ago?" Hank asked. "You're too likely to get into trouble once you're in there. We'll send someone else in."

"Please, Hank. It has to be me. I know what I have to do and I know how Enzo works. I won't do anything that I don't have to do. I have too much to lose. I know the risks and I know that you're worried that I might do something, but I have enough of a reason to fight against anything telling me that I want the drugs."

Voight was a silent for about thirty seconds before finally giving his answer. "We're putting a mic on you. You're not going in without a weapon and we'll be parked right outside the club."

"I won't let you down." Erin reassured him.

"I know you won't, kid. Now let's get ready for this."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

An hour later, Erin walked out into the police station's garage. All of the guys were waiting for her and they stared at her in shock when she walked over. She had on a short, skintight dress, dark makeup, and heels that were at least five inches tall.

"Wow." Ruzek said. Jay smacked the back of his head and he rubbed it in pain. "What? I know you were all thinking it."

Mouse went over and clipped a small microphone to the inside of her dress. She smiled nervously and Jay took that as his cue to go over to her. With her heels on, they were the same height and he looked into her eyes.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure." She answered.

"I can come in there with you if you want."

"No. I'll be too focused on you and I need to pay attention to what I'm doing."

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can have someone from the drug unit come in. They'll understand what's going on."

"I can do it, Jay."

"Let's get on the road then."

The team, plus Roman and Burgess, headed off towards Calvin's. Antonio drove one of the SUVs with Jay and Erin in the backseat. Jay held her hand and rubbed circles into it with his thumb to try and keep her calm. He was thinking that he may be more worried than she is.

It seemed like they arrived way too early. Jay could feel Erin's pulse quicken and he leaned over and kissed her. "You're going to do great. You can do this. I love you."

"I love you too." She gave him a long kiss and then pulled away. "I'll see you in there."

Everyone turned on their earpieces so that they could hear what was going on.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin strutted into the club and quickly scanned the room for all exits. Her eyes landed on a man sitting at the bar and she smiled slightly. This was perfect. He turned to see her just as she started walking towards him.

"Well if it isn't the most beautiful girl in the world! Hello, Erin." He stood up to hug her.

"Hi, Clay." She kissed his cheek. "I've missed you."

"The feeling is mutual, sweetheart. How long has it been? About two months?"

"Something like that." Erin could feel the pressure closing in on her. Clay had been there for her bender after Nadia and she didn't want to talk about that right now. She wanted to find Enzo so she could find Allie and get out of there.

"How are you doing? I still can't believe sweet little Nadia passed away. She was too good for this life."

"Yeah, she was." As Erin thought about Nadia, her body started to itch for a drink. When Clay offered her a shot, she easily downed it and then ordered two more. She didn't want to have an unclear head for this mission, but she needed to look like she was blending in a little bit.

"You know who's here tonight?" Clay asked after her fifth shot.

"Who?" Erin wondered.

"Enzo! He's in the back. It's probably been years since you've seen him. I'm sure he'd like to see you."

"It's been a long time. I wouldn't mind seeing him again." Erin answered.

"Come on. I'll lead the way." He reached out his arm to help her off of the stool. Erin stumbled slightly and she frowned; she could hold her liquor pretty well. It dawned on her that Clay may have put something in one of her drinks.

Her body immediately started to panic, but she had to keep it cool. Her team was outside and they wouldn't let anything happen to her. She had to find Allie.

"Aye, Enzo! Look what the cat dragged in!"

Erin looked up and came face to face with Enzo Saltori. She hadn't seen him since she was fifteen years old, but he still looked the exact same.

She was still intimidated by him.

"Erin Lindsay. Strange to see you around here. What brings you to my part of town?"

"Looking for something to take my mind off of things."

"Oh really?"

"It's the seven-year anniversary since my friend Daniel died." She stated. "I don't know if you remember him…"

"Of course I do. He was a loyal young man. I was sad to see him go. But you know how this works; when people don't know their limits, they pay the price." He smiled at her. "Come, sit. Would you like a party favor?"

Erin saw the man sitting to Enzo's right open up a briefcase. When he turned it around to her, she saw that it was filled with drugs. She already figured that that was what a "party favor" would be, but she didn't think he would pull it out this quickly.

"I'm not sure if…" When Erin looked up, she was staring down the barrel of a gun. It was a feeling she would never get used to and it sent that familiar chill down her spine.

"Remember my game I like to play? It's called pick something or I blow your brains out."

Erin reached her hand out slowly and cursed the way that they shook. She grabbed a bag with a small blue pill inside. The man on the right shook two out of the bag and handed them to Erin. Enzo offered her his drink to swallow them down with. Once she had taken them, he put the gun down.

"How's your girl Sarah doing?" Enzo asked.

"I haven't spoken to Sarah in a while."

"Really?"

"I just needed something to take the edge off for tonight." Erin could feel her words slurring. She had no idea what they had given her, but the familiar high was starting to set in.

"Hey Vince, give Miss Erin here a little of my specialty."

The man to the right, apparently named Vince, brought over another baggie with white powder in it. Erin pictured Jay's face in her mind and how he would feel if he saw her doing this right now. She shook her head.

"I think I've had enough. I don't do this very often anymore."

"Once an addict, always an addict. Clay, didn't you say she was doing anything someone would give to her a couple months ago?" Clay nodded his head silently at Enzo's words. "Come on, beautiful. Show me that you're still the real you."

The powder was spread out on a table and arranged for her. Erin leaned forward and snorted it. Her eyes watered immediately and she felt like she could throw up. She didn't want to do this.

"I haven't see you since you were fifteen. You've grown up a lot since then." Enzo reached out and traced his finger down the neckline of her shirt. He pulled it down slightly to expose her breasts, but Erin wasn't that far gone yet. She pushed his hand away.

Everything was getting blurrier for her and she knew that they had given her too much of something. She felt a needle puncture her arm and she let out a small whimper.

Enzo pressed his lips to Erin's neck, but she pushed him off again. He slapped her across the face.

"You don't push me away. I always get what I want. Vince, take her to the back for me. I'll deal with her later." He smiled. "We're going to have lots of fun, pretty Erin."

Erin felt her body being lifted into the air and she realized she had been thrown over Vince's shoulder. Her eyes shut involuntarily and didn't open again until her body hit a mattress. She struggled to open her eyes and it didn't help when Vince landed a good hit against her stomach.

"Stay here." He ordered. He shut the door to the room behind him and she heard the door lock.

Erin didn't have the strength to even speak into her microphone and tell the guys that she needed help. Her eyes started to close, until she saw a head full of dark hair.

 _Allie._

As much as it hurt and as hard as it was, Erin forced herself to sit up. She opened up her eyes and was able to focus long enough to see that it definitely was Allie. She tried to reach out to her and ended up misjudging where she was. She fell off the edge of the bed and smacked her head against the side of a table.

Erin brought her hand up to touch the spot and looked down at her fingers. They were covered in something sticky and red and it took her a minute to realize that it was blood.

She crawled across the hardwood floor to where the dark hair was lying. She saw Allie's little face and even with as high as she was, she could see that her skin was too pale. She clumsily pressed her hand against her cheek and felt the cold.

 _Allie was dead._

Erin's head bobbed back and forth as she struggled to maintain consciousness. "Please." She whispered. "Please help me. Somebody help me." She put her hands on Allie's chest and tried to do CPR, but her arms felt too heavy to do anything. "No." she started to sob. "No, please. Allie, it's okay. It's Erin. I'm here."

She heard things start to slam around and the voices of her team. Erin wanted to help, but she couldn't. Her eyes were glued on Allie's face as the little girl slowly came into focus.

Erin didn't know how she knew, but she could tell they had given Allie some kind of drugs. She wasn't sure what it had been, but she knew that this little girl was dead. She continued to try to do CPR, but she knew Allie's skin was too cold and she was too pale for there to be any chance that she would survive this.

Erin leaned her head down and started to cry. She had been in the room the day Allie was born and Sarah had refused to hold her, so instead, the doctors passed her to Erin. She had stared down at her tiny face and realized that even though she had a horrible past, she could have a beautiful future and possibly a little girl of her own.

Now, that little girl was lying dead on a hardwood floor in some sleazy club. It took a second for Erin to hear the screaming and sobbing that had filled the room. It took another second for her to realize that the sounds were coming from her.

"Oh God, please. Please save her and take me instead. Please." She sobbed. She pressed her forehead against Allie's chest and hoped to feel some kind of heartbeat, but there was nothing.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When Jay heard Erin whispering saying that she needed help, he was the first one out of the SUV. The rest of the team quickly assembled behind him and they busted into the club. Many of the people scattered, but it only took a second for the Intelligence Unit to find the back office.

Enzo was sitting in a chair and looked honestly surprised to see them there. Jay was kind of startled by that; he figured Enzo knew that Erin was there to get him arrested and that's why he had her taken to another room, but maybe he thought she was just there on Sarah's behalf instead.

Voight slammed Enzo to the ground as the rest of the team took out Enzo's men. Jay grabbed one of them by the shirt and slammed him into the wall. He moved his hand up so that it rested on his neck instead.

"Where's Allie?" he demanded.

"In that room!" The guy choked out. Ruzek came up to handcuff him and Jay let go. He heard the sobbing before he even reached the door and he slammed it open.

When he saw the sight in front of him, he immediately holstered his gun. Erin was on the floor, hunched over the body of a little girl and completely sobbing her heart out. Jay's heart broke at the sound. He had never heard her cry so hard, not even when Nadia died. There was something different about this and he couldn't help but think that this was the thing that finally broke Erin.

He went over to her and put his hand on her back. "Erin, come on. Let's go outside." She continued to cry and completely ignored him. "Baby, please."

"Let me die." She finally wailed. "I don't want to be here anymore. Please, Jay. Just let me die."

He had never heard her speak this way and it was pulling heavily on his heartstrings.

"Come on, Erin. We're going to go outside."

She turned to look up at him and his breath caught in his throat. He knew about Erin's past and what she did when she was younger, but he had never actually seen her when she was on a high. She looked completely out of it.

"I want to die. I deserve to die." She said as she stared directly into his eyes. Her breathing was labored and she looked like she was struggling to take in any air. "I'm so sorry, Allie. I'm so, so sorry." She leaned back down to kiss the cheek of the tiny victim.

"Come on, Erin."

"Leave me alone. I just want to die."

"I'm not leaving you."

Erin reached her hand out and for a second, he was confused. Then, he realized that it was going towards his gun. She latched onto the handle before he could react, but once he saw what she was trying to do, he pulled the weapon from her hand. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around her waist and yanked her up.

Jay held her tight against his chest, despite the way she was kicking and punching and screaming and trying everything she could to get away from him. He felt the tears fall down his own cheeks as he watched Erin deal with the death of a seven-year-old who had been forced to overdose. He had been through a lot in his life, but he could honestly say this was the hardest thing he had ever done.

The rest of the team came into view. All of their attention turned towards Jay as he practically dragged Erin out of the building. She was drunk, drugged up, and a sobbing mess, which was a completely 360 from her usual personality. Jay knew it was hard for them to see her like this, and that it was probably made worse for Antonio, Ruzek, and Atwater because of the fact that they had only found out about her past that afternoon.

Jay sunk to the ground and held Erin close to him. He reached over and pulled his gun out of the holster and held it out. Ruzek took it in confusion and Jay wrapped both arms around Erin's back.

"It's okay. Everything's okay. She's in a better place. It's okay." He repeated over and over again as he rocked back and forth. Erin was still fighting his grasp and he didn't know what else he could do. Voight came over to try and help, but that only made her freak out worse, so he took a step back.

"Did Erin kill one of the guys?" he heard Atwater asked. Jay looked over just in time to see the local paramedics coming out of the club with a gurney and a body bag. He knew that it was Allie and Erin did too because her cries only intensified, if that was possible.

"Please, Jay. Please. If you ever loved me, just let me go. Let me die. Please." She begged. "ALLIE!"

"She's gone, Erin." He told her.

"I wanna be with Nadia and Allie. Please, Jay. I want to be with them. Let me die." She turned her arm at just the right angle to land a hit on his face, but he didn't even flinch. He was more worried about her hurting herself right now.

One of the local paramedics came over and started talking to Voight. Jay saw his sergeant nod and then the two men came over. The paramedic knelt down in front of Erin and pulled out a needle.

"No more needles." She screeched. "If you're gonna kill me, then just shoot me. I don't wanna feel the high anymore. Just shoot me."

"Shhh, it's okay." Jay reassured her. He gave the paramedic a deathly stare for trying to inject Erin with whatever he had.

"It's a sedative." Voight said quietly.

Jay tightened his arms around Erin and forced her to stay still so the paramedic could give her the sedative. It took seconds until she stopped hitting and her body finally relaxed in his arms. He continued rocking and telling her that he loved her.

"It's time to go." Voight stated. "Ruzek, Dawson, Atwater, and Olinsky, take one SUV. Roman and Burgess, get in the car. We'll take the other SUV."

Jay looked down at Erin just in time to see her eyes shut. He lifted her gently and brought her over to the SUV. Voight opened up the backdoor and Jay climbed inside with her. He held her as close to him as possible and prayed that she would be okay.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay sat next to Erin's bed at Chicago Med all night. He held her hand, talked to her, and at one point even sang to her. She had yet to wake up; they kept her sedated for the night to try and control her outbursts.

Because of Erin's past, she had a high chance of becoming addicted to drugs. No one was sure how she would be once she woke up. Jay was terrified to find out.

At around ten o'clock the next morning, nearly twelve hours after they arrived at the club, Erin's eyes fluttered open. She stared at the ceiling for a couple of seconds before turning her head towards Jay's direction. Before he could even speak, she had pulled herself up and she was vomiting over the side of the bed.

Withdrawal. Jay had been waiting for it, but it still shocked him. He gathered Erin's hair in his hand as he pressed the call button for the nurse. Erin finished after about a minute and leaned back in her chair. Jay offered her a cup of water, which she wordlessly took.

Someone came in to clean up all of the vomit. Jay waited anxiously until they were gone so he could talk to Erin. He hoped she would let him in.

"I want to go home." She whispered.

"I know. It's okay. You'll be released soon." Jay approached the next subject gently. "Do you know what happened?"

Erin nodded her head. "They gave me a lot of drugs. Allie died. That's all I can remember."

"I'm so sorry, Erin."

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be the person I was before. I don't want to need the drugs again. I love you and I want to be happy. I don't want to die anymore." She burst into tears.

Jay stood and wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, you've got me. I love you more than anything in this world, Erin. This hasn't changed anything. You don't have to be that person."

"My whole body hurts." She whimpered.

"You can fight through the withdrawal. I'll help you. It'll be okay."

"Please promise me you won't leave me alone for the next couple days. I don't know what I'll do if I'm alone."

"I won't leave you." He promised. "I'm right here, Erin."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Six hours later, Erin was released from the hospital. Voight told her not to come back to the station for the next week and gave Jay the same amount of time off to take care of her.

Jay couldn't help but glance towards Erin as he drove towards their apartment. That darkness that had surrounded her the day before was gone. She looked like a scared, innocent little kid and he couldn't help but wonder if this was what she had looked like when Voight took her in.

"Can we go to the station?" she nearly whispered.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Please, Jay. I need to see how this all ends. I need to talk to Sarah before I can ever hope to get over this."

Honestly, Jay was terrified Sarah would blame Erin for what had happened to her daughter. He knew it wasn't logical, but he didn't want his girlfriend to blame herself for something that was out of her control. Even though he was scared, he knew he had to do what Erin needed.

"Okay."

It didn't take long to arrive at the station. The two of them got out of the car and walked into the building. Eyes of many of the officers turned to look at them. Jay couldn't tell if Erin was affected, but if she was, she was doing a good job at hiding it.

"Erin?" a little voice called. The two of them turned to see Gavin standing there. Sarah and Maddie were in one of the rooms behind them and Jay knew they were waiting for someone to come and tell them about Allie.

"Hey buddy." Erin knelt down to be more on his level. "You okay?"

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course you can."

Gavin looked nervous as he spoke. "The bad guys didn't take Allie."

"I'm sorry buddy, but they did." Erin told him.

"No. Mama gave Allie to the bad man when she was sleeping. I saw her."

Jay watched as Erin slowly stood up. He put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her closer to him.

"How truthful do you think that is?"

"I'm one hundred percent sure he's telling the truth."

"Remember that she's still their mother. You can't do anything while they're here."

"What are the two of you doing here?" Voight questioned as he came down the stairs.

"I want to tell Sarah." Erin said.

"I don't think that you should."

"I need to, Hank. Please."

He sighed. "Fine, but Halstead and I are coming in with you."

The three detectives entered the room and Jay shut the door behind them. There was only one available seat and he and Voight wordlessly let Erin take it. They stood behind her, ready to jump in if she needed it.

"Gavin, Maddie, do you want to go meet my friend Trudy? She'll get you something from the vending machine if you ask very nicely."

"Yeah!" Maddie cheered. Gavin just nodded his head.

As the kids passed her, Erin pulled Gavin into her arms. "You are such a good boy for telling the truth. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He whispered. He followed his sister out to see Sargent Platt. Jay shut the door again.

"You are a terrible excuse for a mother." Erin immediately said.

"Excuse me?" Sarah scoffed. "How would you know? You don't have any kids."

"I know because I would never sell my child to a drug lord to pay off a debt that I owed them!" Erin shouted as she stood up. "Allie didn't make it, Sarah! Your little plan didn't work!"

"What?" Sarah asked.

"She's dead because of you. You let those people have her and they drugged her up. She's gone now because you couldn't wake up for five seconds and realize that your kids need you!"

"She can't be gone. This wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to arrest them and bring her back to me!" Sarah started to cry.

"No. You don't get to cry. You might as well have been the one to kill her. How am I supposed to tell Dominic that you killed his little girl? How are you going to explain this to Gavin and Maddie? Do you even realize that they're going to have to go to foster care now, all because you're pathetic and couldn't get away from drugs?"

"Don't act like you're so much better than me! Don't you know that I know the real you? You had no problem selling your body for drugs. You would have done _anything_ to get a high. Daniel used to say he couldn't believe that drugs turned you into such a little slut!"

"The difference is that I grew up!" Erin screamed. "I realized that I was ruining my life and I changed! You brought three beautiful children into this world and you're _destroying_ them, Sarah! Allie's already dead. How long will it take until you give away Gavin and Maddie?"

"I wouldn't do that."

"You won't have the chance to." Voight stepped in. "Sarah Matthews, you are under arrest."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Any news?" Dominic asked as he was brought into the room. Jay grabbed Erin's hand for support as she took a deep breath and then spoke.

"Dom, we found out something pretty horrible."

"Okay, just tell me. Don't beat around the bush."

"Sarah paid off her debt with Enzo by giving him Allie."

"Excuse me?"

"She thought that she could tell the police and we would arrest Enzo and all of his guys before Allie was hurt. From what her toxicology reports say, I'm thinking they gave her some kind of drug to keep her quiet. But they gave her too much of it. Dominic, I'm so sorry. Allie didn't make it."

Jay had never been so affected by seeing a grown man cry. He knew Dominic was a criminal, but he felt sorry for the guy. He seemed like a decent human and now he had to grieve for his seven-year-old.

"Sarah's been arrested. I'm not going to let her get away with this." Erin reassured him.

"Where are Gavin and Maddie? Are they safe?" he demanded.

"They're going to a nice foster home. I'll make sure I check up on them and that they stay together. I'm so sorry."

"Did you find her?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm the one who found her."

"Did they give you drugs?" Jay looked at him curiously and Dom caught his stare. "I can see how badly she's shaking and sweating. I've seen too many people go through withdrawals. Erin, promise me you're going to fight this. You have to stay clean. Do it for my little girl."

"I'm gonna stay clean. I promise." Erin stood up. "I've got to go. I'm sorry about Allie."

"Thank you for updating me." Dom looked to Jay. "Keep an eye on this one, will you?"

"I sure will." Jay reassured him. He and Erin left the room. "He seems like a great guy. Even though he just found out his daughter died, he still asked about two kids that aren't his and worried about you."

"Dom's good like that. He's too good to be mixed up in a life like this."

"So are you." Jay couldn't help but say. Erin just smiled sadly and walked towards the exit.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay held out his arms as Erin exited the bathroom for the second time in the past hour. She had been throwing up all day, her body was shaky, and she felt dizzy and exhausted. He knew it was the withdrawal and he knew that she was going to be strong enough to fight it this time.

She fell into his arms and laid practically on top of him. She rested her ear over his chest and listened to his heartbeat. He thought she was asleep, but then she called out to him.

"What's wrong, baby?" he stroked a hand through her hair.

"I need you to promise me something."

"Okay."

"If we ever have kids and I go off the rails again, I want you to take them and leave me."

Jay frowned. "What?"

"You don't understand how an addict's mind works. When you need that high, you'll do anything to get it."

He kissed the top of her head as he felt her body start to shake a little more intensely. "You okay?"

"Withdrawals still. It hurts so badly. I want drugs and I would do anything for them, if I didn't have my head screwed on right." Erin sighed, her breath tickling Jay's neck. "I hate Sarah so much. I hate what she did to Allie, but I can understand it. I've been so desperate before that I had sex for drugs."

"That's not the same thing." Jay reassured her.

"No, it's not, but what if I had gotten pregnant? What if I had reached that point?" she shook her head. "Promise me, Jay. Promise me you'll never give me the opportunity to hurt our children."

"I promise." Jay said. Though he said the words, he knew he would never give up on Erin. He smiled at the idea of their hypothetical children and at the fact that Erin had trusted him enough to open up so much in the past two days, and to stick around with him when she had every reason to go.

Jay knew that darkness still lingered in his girlfriend. He knew that there was always a chance that she could relapse, but he would be there to makes sure she didn't. There was darkness inside of her, but Erin's light seemed to overcast it all. And the light was definitely worth the dark that came with it.

 **Next up… E: Exhaustion**


	5. Exhaustion

**Thank you all for reviewing! Someone brought up the idea of Erin being pregnant in this story, and I just want to say now that Erin and Jay will not have any children during this, but, I am planning on doing a wedding. If you all are interested, I was thinking about going back through the alphabet again once this one is finished and making it all about Erin and Jay raising their children. What do you think of that idea?**

 **On another note, I'm really disappointed at the lack of Linstead moments in last night's episode. They barely even act like a couple, and you would think that with everything happening, Jay could be there for Erin a little bit more. I had already planned on having the letter 'N' be Nadia, and I'm going to base that one off of last night's episode.**

 **Please keep suggestions coming and let me know what you think about going back through the alphabet once this one is over and focusing on Erin and Jay having kids! Thank you!**

 **E: Exhaustion**

 _*Many sleepless nights working a tough case has allowed Jay to see what Erin is like when she is absolutely exhausted, and while he hates knowing the toll it takes on his girlfriend, he knows she will still always have his back._

"Alright guys! This is the break we've been waiting for!" Voight's gravelly voice yelled out to the rest of the Intelligence Unit. "Let's get suited up and get down to the warehouse! We may finally be able to take down Rogers!"

Jay stood up and looked over to where Erin was. They had been working on the case of a serial killer who targeted mothers in their thirties for the past week. It was a rough one, especially when it came to having to tell these fathers and their children that the woman was never coming home. It had taken a big toll on the team and because of that, they had barely stopped working on it. They were coming in at seven every morning and staying until midnight every night, trying to find any sort of lead on who this guy is or where he might be. Yesterday, they found out he was a man named Vincent Rogers, and today, they finally had a location. Everyone was exhausted and Jay hoped that this was the end of it.

Erin rolled her neck to the side and he could see her grimace. He waited for her so they could walk into the locker room together.

"God, I hope this is it." Erin muttered.

"Me too." They unlocked their side-by-side lockers and started to pull out their gear.

Jay slid on his bullet proof vest and waited for Erin to do the same. She turned around so he could adjust it for her; though he knew she could do it herself, he felt much better if he did it for her.

"You okay?"

"I'm so ready for this case to end." She admitted.

"I think we all are."

"I just don't understand how someone could purposely target mothers. It just doesn't make sense to me."

Jay finished with Erin's vest and then moved so that she could adjust his. "I don't know, babe. Let's just hope we get this guy."

The team gathered in the garage and split off into three different vans. Erin and Jay took the first, Voight, Dawson, and Atwater in the second, and Ruzek and Al in the third.

As Erin drove quickly to their destination, Jay couldn't help but study his girlfriend. She had bags under her eyes and her skin was a shade paler than usual. He knew that he probably didn't look much better. They had barely had time to eat, let alone sleep or shower.

"What?" Erin asked self-consciously, though she didn't move her attention off of the road.

He smiled. "Nothing. You're just beautiful." He truly believed that. Even though she looked more exhausted than he had ever seen her, she was still gorgeous.

"Shut up, Jay." He saw the smile tugging at the corner of her lips and he was glad he had been able to take her mind off of things for a few seconds.

They pulled up the warehouse and everyone waited for Voight's directions. "Atwater and Ruzek, go around back." The two men grabbed their guns and headed off in that direction as the others got into formation. Jay took the lead with Erin right behind him.

He always felt better knowing she had his back. A lot of people automatically counted Erin out of a fight; they had had a substitute in the unit not too long ago when Atwater was sick for a week and the man had made all kinds of comments about Erin's capability to hold her own in a fight. That is, until she completely took him down to the ground. Though she was tiny, Jay didn't trust anyone more than her.

Jay busted down the door to the warehouse as everyone shouted out, "Chicago PD!"

He and Erin went to the right. They both pulled out their flashlights and held them up with their guns. His eyes scanned the room, looking for any sign of this guy.

A loud, feminine scream caught their attention and they took off in a run towards a door on their side. Jay slammed his shoulder into the door and took it down. They found a woman who seemed to fit the profile of their victims being held against a man with a gun to her head.

"Don't come any closer." Rogers threatened. He took the safety off of the gun. "Put the guns down."

"You don't have to do this, man." Erin tried from behind him. They heard the footsteps of the rest of the unit coming close. Rogers must have too because he pulled the woman even tighter against him.

"Get rid of them or I'll blow her brains out."

Erin nodded. "I'm going to get them to leave." She backed up slowly until she was in the doorway. Voight and Antonio were coming and she put her hand up to stop them. Before she knew what was happening, she heard something hit the floor and then a window slamming. As she turned, she saw that Rogers had thrown his victim to the ground and then threw himself through the ground-level window. As she connected the dots, she saw Jay jump out the window after him.

Jay chased after the man who was responsible for six different families losing their wife or mother. Rogers still held the gun in his hand and the streetlights glinted off of it every so often, reminding Jay how badly he needed to catch this guy.

He picked up the pace and hoped he had the strength to keep this going. Rogers didn't look like he was getting tired, but Jay's already exhausted body needed rest. He realized that Rogers probably felt most alive when he was killing and that was definitely working against him.

Rogers turned a quick corner and Jay went to follow him. He was surprised when instead of seeing the man running, he was staring down the barrel of a gun.

Jay didn't even have time to get his gun up. He knew any sudden movements would cause Rogers to shoot. He was trapped.

"You don't have to do this." He attempted.

"I've already killed six women, and I'll probably get attempted murder on that last one. What's killing a cop really going to add to my sentence?" Rogers took a step forward. "I have no reason not to shoot you right now. It's just a shame the rest of your unit won't be here to see it."

Jay braced himself for impact when he saw Rogers' finger on the trigger. He always knew he was going to die at some point, but he didn't think it would be this soon. He had hoped to marry Erin first, have a couple kids, retire to Wisconsin. He hoped the team would keep Erin from going off the deep end.

He blinked just as the gun went off and waited for his body to feel the pain, or to just feel nothing at all. He didn't understand why nothing happened until he looked over and saw that Rogers was on the ground with Erin on top of him. He didn't know where she had come from, until he saw the opening between the two houses on their right.

His mind jumped back into action when he saw Rogers throw Erin off of him. Her body slammed to the ground with a loud thud, but she was already back up and holding a gun on him.

"Get down on the ground!" she screamed.

Rogers started to laugh and Jay had never heard a more sickening sound. "Little girl, you don't know who you're messing with."

He noticed Rogers' gun on the ground at the same time the man did and they both dove for it. Rogers hand wrapped around the end of it, but a shot rang out and then the gun clattered to the concrete.

Jay looked over to Erin, who had her gun out in front of her and was breathing heavily. Jay pressed his fingers to Rogers' neck; he was dead.

He sat back on the ground and took a second to breathe. He had honestly doubted that he was going to make it out of there alive, but thanks to Erin, everything was okay. He had no idea how his tiny partner had tackled a man who was at least six feet tall and probably over 200 pounds.

"Halstead, you good?" he heard Voight call out as the rest of the team ran over. Antonio ran to Erin and Jay could see now that she was shaking. She handed her gun to Antonio and nodded her head to show that she was fine.

Ruzek offered him his hand and Jay grabbed it to pull himself up. He went over to Erin and put his hands on her shoulders. "You good?" she nodded. "Thanks for having my back."

"That's why you have a partner." She said.

"What happened?" Voight wondered.

"Rogers had a gun on me. Right as he was about to shoot, Erin came out of nowhere and tackled him."

"Lindsay, _you_ took him down?" Atwater asked in shock.

Al looked at the younger man. "What are you implying, Atwater?"

"Nothing, just that he's a big guy and she's so small!"

"I'm pretty sure Erin could take all of you guys down." Al informed the rest of the team. Ruzek and Atwater laughed, but Antonio and Jay stayed quiet; they knew that was probably true.

"How did you do it?" Ruzek questioned.

"I saw them stop running, so I cut through someone's yard and I went around to the other side and then I came from between those two houses," she pointed across the street, "and I just jumped on him."

"That doesn't explain how he ended up with a bullet in his chest." Voight chimed in.

"I had my gun on him after I got up and he and Jay reached for his gun at the same time and I saw that he had it, so I shot."

"Okay." Voight nodded his head. "Good work, Lindsay." They saw the ambulance rolling up to collect the body. "Let's get back to the 21st and get this paperwork done so we can go home. I'm giving you all the day off tomorrow."

"How was the woman? Is she okay?" Erin wondered.

"She's fine. Roman and Burgess were waiting with her and they're going to take her home after she's cleared."

"Good."

"Who wants to make the phone calls to the families?" Voight questioned. They had to tell the loved ones of the six victims the good news. "Lindsay?"

"I'll do it." She agreed.

"Let's get back there then." The team walked to the SUVs together, glad that there had been a happy ending to this case.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It was after midnight when Erin and Jay finally got back to the apartment. They climbed out of Erin's car and even though he didn't say anything, Jay noticed the tense way his girlfriend walked and her slight limp. Tackles were never easy, and usually the men he was tackling weren't too much bigger than him. He imagined that Erin was feeling like she got hit by a truck right about now.

He saw her hesitate before climbing the stairs and instead wrapped his right arm around her waist and lifted her off the ground.

"Jay." She groaned.

"Hey, it's the least I can do for my partner after she made an awesome save today." He carried her up the stairs to get into the building, and then up the stairs to their apartment. Erin didn't really fight him on it, so he knew she was in pain.

He put her down to unlock the door and they walked in together. Erin silently went to the bedroom and he watched as she peeled off the V-neck she had been wearing. Her jeans came next and he was shocked at the bruises she was covered in. Her back was especially bad, which he figured was from when Rogers had thrown her to the ground.

"How about a bath?" Jay suggested.

"That sounds nice." Erin agreed.

He went to the bathroom to start a bath for her. He made the water warm, but not so hot that it would burn her skin.

Erin walked in with just her bra and underwear on and stood in front of him. He immediately knew what she wanted; they didn't like to bring their personal life into work, so even though he was worried about her earlier, he couldn't really bring attention to it without seeming like the overly attentive boyfriend. He held his arms out and Erin practically collapsed into them.

"I'm so glad that freak is off the streets, but I've never been more exhausted in my life." She mumbled into his chest.

Jay kissed the top of her head. "Go ahead and take your bath. I'm gonna try to make something to eat." Despite the fact it was so late, he was starving and he knew she probably was too.

Erin shook her head. "I don't want food. I just want you."

He knew she meant that in a completely innocent way, and he understood. It had been a rough week and today wasn't the smooth ending they had hoped for.

"Take your bath, baby. When you're done, I'll hold you all night, okay? Try and relax." Erin bit her bottom lip and he knew there was something that she wasn't saying. "What's wrong?"

"I could have lost you today." She stated. "If I would have jumped a second later, he would have shot you. You wouldn't be here right now."

"But you were there. You stopped it from happening."

"I don't wanna lose you, Jay."

"You're not going to lose me."

"We have a dangerous job. I know that. I know that we go in there every single day and put our lives on the line for this city, but it's so hard to face the possibility that one day, you might never come home."

"Hey, listen to me." He tilted her chin up so she had to look at him. "I promise you that I will do everything in my power to always come home to you."

Erin buried her face in his chest. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He kissed the top of her head.

"Will you take a bath with me?"

Their bathtub was tiny as it was, but he would never deny her anything. He just nodded his head and stripped out of his clothes. He sat down in the warm water and waited patiently for her to join him. She settled between his legs and leaned her back against his chest. He heard her sigh at the relief of the water on her aching muscles. He kissed her temple and closed his eyes to try and enjoy this as much as possible.

They sat in a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. About five minutes later, Jay looked down and realized Erin was half asleep. He pulled the plug on the drain and stood up. He put his hands under her arms and helped her to her feet. He started the shower instead and began to wash Erin's hair for her. Her eyes were shut and he couldn't help but place a gentle kiss on her lips when he saw how content she looked.

After he had helped her clean up, and then cleaned himself, they got out of the shower. Erin walked quietly behind him into their bedroom and caught a pair of her underwear and one of his t-shirts that he threw to her. She dropped her towel and got dressed and tried to climb into bed, but Jay stopped her.

"Let's eat something first." He tangled his fingers with hers and kissed the top of her hand. They left the bedroom together and he went to the kitchen to search the cabinets while she tried to find something to watch on TV.

Jay sighed. It was too late to order any food, but they didn't really have anything that could be made easily. "How does macaroni and cheese sound?"

"That's fine." She answered.

Jay put the pot of water on the stove and went to sit with her. He lifted up the shirt she was wearing.

"Not tonight." Erin pleaded.

"Relax, baby. I just want to see your bruises." Her face flushed in embarrassment at her assumptions, but he just kissed her cheek. "They're pretty nasty."

"They don't feel too great either." She lifted her arms so he could put the shirt back on her.

"Thank you for having my back."

"I'll always have your back."

"You know Atwater was wrong for what he said, right? I think you're the strongest one in our unit."

She smiled. "Now you're exaggerating a bit."

"I don't mean physically strongest, though I'm pretty sure you could take all of us down. People shouldn't underestimate you." He kissed her forehead.

"Water's boiling." She stated.

Jay turned to look behind him and saw that she was right. He went over and dumped the macaroni into the pot, and it didn't take long for it to finish. They both ate quickly and quietly while staring mindlessly at the TV.

As Jay finished, he saw that Erin was almost sleeping sitting up. He took her bowl and put them both in the sink and decided he could clean up tomorrow. He went over to the couch and Erin took his hand with no hesitation. He led her to their bedroom and practically collapsed onto the bed.

Erin sank down next to him and he looked at her. She looked like she could fall asleep within seconds and there were bruises covering her body, but he still wouldn't give her up for anything. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"I love you." He whispered as he pulled her close to him. She buried her face in his chest and he wrapped both arms around her. As he predicted, she fell asleep in about a minute. The last thing he could remember thinking before falling asleep was how lucky he was to have Erin in his life.

 **Up Next… F: Found Not Lost**


	6. Found, Not Lost

**Thank you all for the reviews! It's so much more motivating to continue when people actually act interested in what I am writing. I've enjoyed reading all of the reviews and PMs I've been sent, so please keep them coming!**

 **Someone requested that Erin and Jay at least talk about children in this story if I choose to do the second round of A-Z focusing on their kids, and you will see that eventually. I have one chapter that I know will talk about Erin's worries of having kids (and we saw that a little bit in Darkness), and there will be one where it's seen as a more positive thing.**

 **I've had a couple people asking about a chapter where something happens with Jay and Erin is there for him. This story is supposed to be focused on things Jay is learning about Erin, so it is more Erin-centered. That being said, I am working on a chapter that involves Jay's past and Erin being there for him. I wasn't originally planning this, but someone brought it up and I thought it could work nicely, so if you have anything you would like to see, let me know and I'll try to get it in!**

 **F: Found, Not Lost**

 _*Erin realizes that she's got a family now with the Intelligence Unit and she's got something even better with Jay._

Erin pulled her car onto the street outside of Voight's house and turned to look at Jay. He smiled at her and then got out of the car to grab the bags of food she had stashed in the trunk. She waited for him and they walked up the stairs together and went into the house.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Ruzek shouted as soon as they entered.

"Happy Thanksgiving." Jay repeated. Erin opened her mouth to speak until she heard a tiny voice.

"Aunt Erin!"

She turned to see Justin's two-year-old son, Daniel, racing towards her. She squatted down so that he could run into her arms and then lifted him up and kissed his cheeks.

"Hi buddy! I missed you!" she kissed his forehead. Before she could even move, Justin came over and wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Good to see you, Erin." He pulled back. "Danny's always wondering when he'll get to see his favorite aunt."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm his only aunt." She turned to Justin's wife. "Hi Olive!"

"Hi, Erin! Happy Thanksgiving!" she smiled.

"Hey bro." Justin reached out to shake Jay's hand. "You better be treating my sister right."

"He is." Erin confirmed.

The door opened and Antonio entered. Erin was happy to see he had his two children, Eva and Diego, with him. Since his divorce, Antonio didn't get to see his kids as much, so it was nice that his ex-wife was letting him have them for Thanksgiving.

"Everyone, come in! Sit down!" Voight ordered. Jay chose a recliner and without a second thought, Erin went over and sat on his lap, keeping Daniel in her arms. "That's funny, Halstead. I'm sure there are more seats in this house."

"She's the one who sat on me!" he defended himself.

"Oh sure, blame Erin." Antonio joked.

The chatter in the background started to fade as Erin stared at Daniel. She was beyond relieved that his holidays would always be like this. He would always have family around to celebrate with, and people who loved him.

Her thoughts drifted to her own Thanksgivings as a child. She could specifically remember one from when she was four years old. Her mother had tried to make a turkey and Erin wanted to help, so she let her mix a bowl of mashed potatoes. Her father got home and slammed the door shut, which scared Erin and made her drop the bowl. He hit her for making a mess, and then hit her again when she cried. He told her that she was nothing to be thankful for, so he shouldn't bother celebrating. She had run to her room and hid under the bed and cried herself to sleep.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by Jay's hand gently rubbing against her back. She looked around and saw that everyone was still in conversation, besides Jay. He had that concerned look on his face and she couldn't believe she was so lucky to be with someone who could tell her mood changes that easily. Someone who _cared_ enough to be able to tell.

"Where did you go just then?"

She put Daniel down so he could walk around the living room. Erin leaned back so she could rest her head against Jay's shoulder and turned slightly so she could look at him.

"I was just thinking about how different Daniel's life will be from mine."

Jay kissed her forehead. He lifted his head up to look around and when he saw that everyone was occupied, he gently kissed her lips.

"The way you grew up made you who you are, Erin. It was painful and you never, ever deserved to go through the things that you did, but if you didn't, you wouldn't be here. We wouldn't have ever known each other."

"I think we would have."

He looked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end."

Voight had been standing in the doorway and he heard part of the conversation between his two detectives. When he saw that they stopped talking, he went over.

"Erin, can you help me in the kitchen for a second?"

She laughed. "Yeah, if you want your house burned down."

"It's something simple."

She looked at him and heard the seriousness in his tone. She got off of Jay's lap and followed her father figure into the kitchen. "What's up?"

"Are you okay?"

Erin frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I saw the look on your face, and I heard part of what Halstead was saying to you."

She sighed. "Holidays have always been hard. You know that."

"You know that things are different now, right?" she tilted her head to the side to silently tell him to elaborate. "Back then, it was just you and me and Justin and Camille. Now, you've got a whole family." He led her to the doorway of the living room. "They all love you and care about you. I know a lot happened with Bunny and your dad, but you've gotten past that. You've grown so much, Erin, and I'm so proud of you."

She couldn't help but hug him. "I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you."

"Hey, things that are meant to happen find their way in the end."

She fake gasped. "Are you making fun of me?"

Hank smiled. "Your boy looks like a lost puppy without you. Halstead's a good guy."

"I know." She couldn't help the smile that lit up her face.

"You're happy, right?"

Erin looked at him. "I'm happier than I can ever remember being."

"You deserve it more than anyone, kid."

When she went back over to Jay, he pulled her into his arms happily. "What was that about?"

"He was just checking on me." She smiled at him. "Thank you, Jay."

His eyebrow furrowed. "For what?"

"For dealing with me and all of my baggage and caring enough to stick around."

He shrugged. "You're worth it, Erin Lindsay. Don't ever forget that." He leaned forward and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Wow, I think I've seen more PDA between Halstead and Lindsay in the past minute than in the past year." Ruzek commented.

"Shut up, Ruzek." Erin rolled her eyes as she spoke.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

The turkey didn't take too long to finish, and it was right on time with the rest of the sides. Hank carried it out to the dining room table as everyone squeezed in. He was happy to have his entire unit there because they were the closest thing he had to a family.

He glanced to his left where his son sat. Camille would be so happy to see that their boy had turned his life around. Hank knew he had to give credit to Olive for a large part of that, and to his grandson.

He looked to his right. Erin was laughing happily as Halstead whispered something into his ear. She had been a handful since the moment he met her, but he knew there was something special about her. It was the reason he was willing to put his job on the line, and why he had fought with Camille so hard over if she could come live with them or not.

Erin deserved every happiness in this world. At first, he didn't think Halstead was the right guy. He was too clean cut, too used to following the rules. Erin needed someone who could keep up with her and take on all of her issues from her past. Hank was terrified that their partnership would be ruined if their relationship didn't work out, but he knew that it was worth the try. If he had taken a chance with Camille, why couldn't Erin and Jay have their chance too?

He hoped that the two would make it in the long run. As much as it pained him to admit it, Halstead was the one man in Erin's life who had more pull than he did. It was Jay who brought her back from her bender after Nadia, not him, and while it hurt, he was glad she had someone who cared enough to fight for her. Even though Halstead's smug little grin could take him to his breaking point, he knew he made Erin happier than he had ever seen her.

Daniel let out a loud yell and it caught Hank's attention. His thoughts blended and he imagined that next year, he could have another little grandchild, but this time from his surrogate daughter. His heart race increased at the idea of Erin giving herself to Jay so fully that she would allow herself to get pregnant with his child. She was the last person in this world that he wanted to get hurt and he could just imagine how crushed she would be if he broke her heart.

But then he saw Halstead lean over and kiss Erin on the cheek as he passed her the bowl of mashed potatoes. He watched the blush cross over her face and the way that Halstead's eyes lingered on her face, then he reached to grab the bowl of applesauce from Ruzek. That stupid grin stayed on his face and Hank remembered just how smitten the boy was.

Hank pictured a little girl with blue eyes, Erin's naturally dark hair, and dimples, and then remembered that he was a man and should not be picturing his (hopefully) future grandchildren. He shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts and noticed Erin looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

"You alright?"

He smiled. "Just thinking about what this table could look like next year."

"Okay?" she said, kind of confused.

"Erin?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

She smiled. "Love you too, Hank. Happy Thanksgiving."

Even though holidays were usually rough, this was the best Thanksgiving she had ever had. Erin was surrounded by her family and by a man she loved more than anything and she was so grateful.

 **Next up… G: Gentle**


	7. Gentle

**Thank you for the reviews. Keep them coming please!**

 **G: Gentle**

 _*Erin can't help but be amazed at how gentle Jay is with her, considering her rough past._

Erin woke up to the sensation of something touching her face. She frowned and tried to stretch to get away from whatever it was, but it followed her. She heard a soft laugh and opened her right eye.

"Good morning, gorgeous." She realized Jay was kissing her face. He pressed a kiss to her cheeks, her forehead, her chin, her nose, and finally her lips. She felt his hands come up to cradle her face and hold her there for a second, then he moved away. He leaned his head down to rest against her chest and she ran her fingers through his hair. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Mmhmm." She let her eyes flutter shut again. She felt the weight of his head lifted from her chest and then kisses on her face.

"It's time to get up, baby. We've gotta go to work."

"Five more minutes." She pouted.

"Nope." He sat up. "Come on, Erin."

"Fine." She sat up and rubbed at her eyes.

"You look like such a little girl." Jay teased.

"Bite me, Halstead."

"I would love to." He leaned forward and pretended to bite her, making her laugh. She rolled away from him and just as she went to get off the bed, he grabbed her and dragged her back over to him. He planted a long, deep kiss on her lips. As he started to kiss her neck, she pushed him away.

"Work." She breathed out.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." She winked at him and then got out of bed to get dressed.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"I'm starving." Erin complained later that day as she sunk down next to Jay in the break room. He had a sub sandwich and a bag of chips in front of him. Erin had gotten stuck going to ask a few questions in a neighborhood where a shooting occurred with Antonio, so she wasn't there when everyone else got lunch.

"Here." Jay broke his sandwich in half. He opened the top of it and pulled out all of the tomatoes and put them on his wrapper for her. "Turkey, cheese, pickles, and mayo."

"You're the best." She kissed his cheek. She loved that Jay was capable of remembering little things, like the fact that she hated tomatoes. He stood, which caught her attention. "Where are you going?"

"I only have barbeque chips and I know you don't like them, so I'm gonna get you some Doritos." He continued his journey to the vending machine.

Erin grinned. She really did have the best boyfriend ever.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

The Intelligence Unit stood outside of the warehouse of a criminal they had been trying to bring down for nearly a month. Erin had him in handcuffs and she was leading him to the squad car, but he wasn't going down easy. He kept fighting her grip and he turned to face her.

"Get in the car." She ordered.

"Or what? You're nothing but a weak little girl. I could break you in half, even with these handcuffs on." He stepped forward to try and scare her, but Erin didn't back down.

Jay knew she had to do this, even though he wanted to step in so badly. She had to prove to this guy that she wasn't weak and that she could do anything that the rest of them could.

"Get in the car." She repeated.

"I've got guys on the outside still. I'll have to tell them all about the little girl who arrested me."

Jay finally came over. "Will you just get in the car? Nobody cares about your empty threats or your sexist remarks. We got you."

"Do you?" he laughed.

Erin laughed too, then kicked him in the knee, bringing him down further so that he was at her level. She kneed him in the crotch and then pushed him into the squad car. She slammed the door shut.

"You good?" Jay asked. She nodded her head. "Good job, baby." He held up his hand for a high five. Normally, she might have been concerned about the fact that he was calling her 'baby' on the job since they liked to keep their personal life separate from work, but she high fived him anyway. While she knew that he wouldn't ever let anything happen to her, it was kind of intimidating to try and stand up to men who towered over her in height and had a good hundred pounds on her.

Jay walked back over to the car with Erin. While hearing people say anything negative to his girlfriend made him angry beyond reason, he knew that sometimes he needed to step back and let her handle it. He knew she was grateful for that, and he would do anything to keep her happy.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Two busts in a day." Ruzek cheered. "Can this get any better?"

"Just take him to the squad car." Erin said with a roll of her eyes. She was happy too though; Chicago was better off without these drug dealers on the street.

She turned to follow him out of the building when out of nowhere, she felt her body get slammed to the ground. Her ears were ringing from how hard her head hit the floor and she could see spots in her vision. Her chest felt like someone was sitting on it, and she realized that there actually was a man sitting on top of her with a gun resting against her forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut and then the weight was gone. She thought she was dead, until she heard a struggle and saw that Ruzek had tackled the guy.

She wanted to help, but she couldn't make herself move. She tried to reach for her gun in its holster. A shot went off and her breath caught in her throat as she looked to see if Ruzek had been shot. But the man who had taken her down was lying in a puddle of his own blood with a bullet in his forehead. His face was turned towards hers and she could see that blank, dead stare in his eyes.

"You okay, Linds?" she heard Ruzek's voice. "Lindsay, can you hear me?"

She groaned, bringing her hand up to her head. She touched the back of it and when she pulled her hand away, there was blood.

"What happened?" Antonio yelled as he ran into the warehouse. He saw one of the men they had arrested that was supposed to be brought to the squad car laughing on the ground, a man in a pool of his own blood, and Ruzek sitting over Lindsay.

"He was gonna kill her." Ruzek said. His voice shook as he spoke. "He came out of nowhere."

Antonio looked over his shoulder to where Atwater was standing. "Get him in the car." He gestured towards the laughing man.

"You got what you deserved!" the man yelled out. Atwater hoisted him up and yanked him out the door.

"What, Ruzek can't even take his own guys to the squad car?" Jay joked as he reentered the building.

"Jay." Antonio called out.

The man's smile dropped as soon as he saw the sight in front of him. "We've got an officer down; we need an ambulance." He called into his radio as he ran over. "What happened?"

Ruzek anxiously ran his hand through his hair. "I was taking our perp out and some guy came out of nowhere. He knocked her clean off her feet when he took her down and he slammed her pretty hard. He had a gun on her forehead and I ran and tackled him. I had to shoot him. He would have killed us."

"You were supposed to be watching her back!" Jay shouted. "This is on you. Why didn't you clear all of the rooms?"

"All of the rooms were clear." Antonio chimed in.

"Obviously they weren't or she wouldn't be hurt right now." Jay rarely lost his temper, but when he did, it was a little scary. "Baby, are you alright? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah." Erin said. "My head is bleeding."

"I can see that. It's okay. You're alright, you just hit the ground pretty hard."

"My ears are ringing. It hurts."

"I know. An ambulance is coming." Her eyes started to slide closed, but he slid his hand under her head and kissed her forehead. "Keep your eyes open for me, Erin."

"I know I need to, but it's so hard." She whimpered. "Ruzek?"

"Yeah?" he waited for the verbal slaughtering she was about to give him.

"It's not your fault. I wasn't paying attention. This is on me."

"I should have had your back."

"It's not your fault." She repeated. Her eyebrows furrowed as her face scrunched up in pain.

"What do we have here?" Sylvie Brett, a paramedic from 51, asked as she came in. "Erin Lindsay. Rare that we get to see you like this. I think you're the toughest one in Intelligence."

"She was tackled by that guy over there." Antonio pointed to the man on the floor. He was most likely the muscle in the group he was from; he was over a foot taller than Erin and probably around 300 pounds. It was a miracle she wasn't dead just from how hard he brought her down.

"Alright, we're gonna get you onto the stretcher. Detective Halstead, can you help me out?"

"Yeah." Jay lifted Erin gently and transferred her to the stretcher. He, Ruzek, and Antonio helped Sylvie and her partner Chili carry Erin out to the ambulance. When they exited the building, Voight saw them and raced over.

"What happened?"

"I'm going with her." Jay called as he climbed into the ambulance with his girlfriend. He held her hand as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Erin, how are you feeling?" Sylvie questioned.

"My head hurts."

"She said her ears were ringing. The back of her head is bleeding from how hard she went down." Jay listed.

"There are spots in my vision too." Erin threw in.

"Sounds like you've got a nice concussion." Chili said with a grimace. "Don't worry, we'll patch you right up once we get to Chicago Med."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin was released from Chicago Med with a concussion and a bottle of painkillers. Jay was relieved to find out that she was alright, but he couldn't believe that this had happened. Everyone agreed that the building had been cleared, so they were suspecting that the man had entered through a window in one of the side rooms.

As soon as they walked into the apartment, Erin went over to the couch and laid down. She could only feel a dull pain right now because of the painkillers, but it was much better than earlier.

"Let's go to bed." Jay suggested. He slid his hands under her body and carefully lifted her up. He carried her to their bedroom and laid her on the bed. He untied her shoes and threw them to the side, then pulled off her jeans. Once he knew she was more comfortable, he took off his own jeans and t-shirt and crawled into bed beside her. He set an alarm on his phone so he could wake her in a couple hours to check on her, just like the doctor told him.

He tried to pull her into his arms, but he stopped when he saw the tears running down her cheeks.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Do we need to go back to the hospital?" he started to get out of bed.

Erin shifted her body across the bed until she was in his arms. He rubbed her back so he could try to comfort her, even though he didn't know what was happening.

"Thank you." She cried.

"What?" Jay asked in surprise. He hadn't been expecting that.

"I've never had someone take care of me before. Thank you."

Erin nuzzled her face into his neck. In her past, all of her boyfriends had used her for a punching bag, or for sex or drugs. Jay was the first man she had ever met who could be so gentle. The way he touched her, whether it was waking her up in the morning or putting her on an ambulance to get her head checked, showed how much he respected her and loved her. She didn't know any other words to say to describe it to him than to just thank him.

"I'll take care of you until the day I die. I know you've had some rough relationships in the past, but I'm not those other guys. I'm always gonna be here, whether you need someone to laugh with, or you need a shoulder to cry on. You're my best friend, Erin, and you're the woman I'm in love with. I've got you."

Of course, he understood without her even saying it. She wished he could understand just how important of an impact he had made on her life. She just didn't know that he wished the exact same thing.

 **Up Next… H: Hold Me**


	8. Hold Me

**Thank you so much for the reviews!**

 **Could you all please review and tell me how you would imagine Jay and Erin's family to be? How many kids they have, boys or girls, even name ideas! I'm trying to get an idea of how I want to do the second round of A-Z and I want some input. Please let me know your thoughts!**

 **H: Hold Me**

 _*Erin has always struggled with asking for help, so when she reaches out to Jay, there is no place he would rather be._

Jay was dragged out of sleep by his arm being lifted into the air. He was confused, until he felt it settle around his girlfriend's waist. He wasn't surprised; Erin loved to cuddle, even though she would get hot throughout the night and move away, then get closer to him again once it was almost time to wake up. He opened his eyes and looked at the clock and saw that it was only a little after 3am, so this wasn't normal, but not too unusual either.

That is, until he heard a sniffle. He felt Erin's body scoot even closer to his and her face rested against his chest. He didn't move or react.

A little cry escaped her lips as her body trembled in his arms. He wondered how many times she had crawled into his arms while he was sleeping and cried. He figured it was time to let his presence be known.

Jay tightened his arms around her and Erin froze for a minute.

"What's going on, baby?" he asked quietly.

"Please, Jay." She cried out. He heard the pain in her voice and his heart plunged.

"Please what?"

"Please just hold me."

Even though he wanted to know the problem, he knew she would tell him eventually. Instead, he just held her and let her cry.

Erin didn't fall asleep for at least another hour. When she did, Jay continued to hold her. He stared up at the ceiling and wished that she would just open up to him.

He must have fallen asleep again because next thing he knew, Jay was waking up to Erin straddling his waist and leaning her head down on his chest. He brought one hand up to stroke her back and the other to play with her hair.

"Erin?" he waited for her to raise her head up and look at him. "What's going on with you? What happened?" she looked down at his chest to avoid making eye contact. "I love you more than anything in this world and it hurts me to see you like this. I hate knowing that you're hurting and I can't help you because you won't tell me what's bothering you. I'm in this for the long haul, babe. Nothing you say is going to change our relationship or the way I feel about you. Please just be honest with me. I need to know what's going on."

Erin sat up. She was still straddling Jay's waist as she looked into his eyes. He grabbed her hands in his and kissed the tops of them.

"I have a lot of regrets." She admitted. "I've done a lot of things that I shouldn't have done. Did you know that when I was seventeen, I threw a huge party at Voight's? He was out of town for work and Camille was meeting up with some friends who were there for the weekend. I let Justin stay at the party and he ended up getting drunk and threw up all over the new white couches Camille had bought. God, she was furious." Erin laughed quietly. "But do you know why I did it? Because I could. I wanted them to hate me. I wanted them to kick me out so I could go back to the life that I deserved." Jay started to speak, but Erin squeezed his hands. "Please let me try and get to what I'm trying to say. I told them that I was the one who threw up because Justin begged me not to tell on him. He knew he would get in a lot of trouble. When I looked at him and saw how worried he really was, I knew that I was too close.

"I told them that I threw the party and I threw up on that couch. I said a lot of horrible things to Camille. I wanted her to get rid of me. I knew this was the best opportunity- she never really liked me, and Hank was out of town. But do you know what she did?" Jay shook his head. "She walked over to me and she hugged me. She told me that Justin admitted it was him and she knew that I was just covering for him, and she wanted to thank me for caring about her son. She said that she could see that I was fighting with my demons and that if I needed to talk to her, then I could come to her. Do you know how I reacted? I went upstairs and cried in my room because I couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged me."

Jay studied her. Her eyes were teary, but she wasn't crying yet. He had never heard this story before, but he didn't really know why she would be upset about that.

"It took me a long time to be able to open up to her. I don't know why I do that, Jay. I don't know why I can't just tell people how I'm feeling. There have been so many things that I've wanted to say- to Camille back then, to Hank, to you…" she trailed off as she let go of his hands to wipe her eyes. "I have done things that no one knows about and I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell someone every little thing about my past."

Jay sat up so Erin was now on his lap. "Erin, there are things that I've done too that I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk about. You don't have to tell me everything, just talk to me about things when they come up." He kissed her forehead. "What happened tonight?"

"I had a nightmare." She said. "I know that sounds so childish and stupid, but they feel so real."

"It's not childish or stupid." Jay reassured her. "I have nightmares too. It's normal, Erin." He kissed her cheek. "Do you want to tell me what happened in it?"

"It was about Nadia. We were walking on that beach and I heard them say that they had found her. I ran over and I stood next to you and looked down into that shallow grave we found her in…but it wasn't her. It was me." Erin leaned her head over so it could rest on his shoulder. "He had killed me and I had to watch you and Hank completely lose it."

Jay couldn't imagine what would have happened if it was Erin and not Nadia in that grave. He tightened his grip on her waist.

"A couple months ago, I had wished it was me. I wanted Nadia to come back and I would take her place. But when I woke up from that nightmare, I felt how sweaty I was and my heart was racing and I looked over at you and for a second, I thought to myself, 'Thank God it was Nadia and not me'." She sat up to look at him. "I hate myself for thinking that."

"Hey, you don't have to hate yourself." Jay kissed her lips softly, but quickly. "Erin, that's not unusual. Everyone knows how much you love Nadia and how you would have done anything in this world to save her. But baby, we couldn't. We did everything we could to try and get to her. You can't feel guilty for being happy to be alive; Nadia wouldn't have wanted that." He smiled slightly. "Do you know how hard she worked on your surprise birthday party? She had been planning it for weeks and trying to get everyone to show up. She couldn't wait to see the look on your face when you walked through the door and saw us all standing there.

"But do you know what she said to me?" Jay continued. Erin shook her head. "She told me that it was time for me to man up. She told me that she could see that you weren't being completely honest and that you loved me, even if you didn't know how to say it yet. Nadia wanted me to pull you to the side at the party and confess my, I think she called it my 'deep and undying love for you'." Erin couldn't help but smile as she pictured that conversation. "She said to me, 'I love Erin and I want her to be happy, and even if she's the most stubborn person I've ever met, she loves you and she needs you'."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?" Erin wondered.

Jay shrugged. "We don't really talk about Nadia. I didn't know how you would feel if I brought it up."

"My chest hurts every time I hear her name. I was supposed to take care of her and I failed."

"You didn't fail. Nadia's death had nothing to do with you, Erin. It's not your fault and we both know that she wouldn't want you to blame yourself. You've got to just be happy and live for her."

Erin connected their lips briefly and then hugged him. "Thank you for listening to me."

"I'm always here to listen. You're not alone anymore, Erin. When you're hurting, I can usually tell and it hurts me too. I want you to talk to me from now on. Even if you don't want to tell me everything, I need to know what's going on."

"I promise." Erin kissed him again. "I love you so much, Jay. I don't know how I got so lucky to be with you."

"I think I'm the lucky one." He laid back down and pulled her close. "I love you too, Erin."

 **Next up… I: Invincible! Don't forget to review and let me know how you imagine Jay and Erin's family!**


	9. Invincible

**Sorry for the wait, I have been really busy and haven't had time to update! Thank you to everyone who gave ideas on how they imagine Jay and Erin's family to be, I have it all planned out now and I hope you all will be happy with the result!**

 **I: Invincible**

 _*Erin tells Jay he isn't invincible and he needs to quit being so selfish because she refuses to lose him because of his recklessness._

"Turn right up here." Jay directed as Erin led the group of SUVs containing the members of the Intelligence Unit.

She followed his orders and turned right. She pressed her foot a little harder on the gas; there was no way she was going to let these guys get away.

The men they were going after had been involved in a human trafficking ring that had ended in the murders of at least nine girls under the age of 25. They were all taking the case personally, but like with most cases involving women or children, Erin was taking it the hardest.

Jay knew that she had a history of getting too invested. While it definitely motivated her to do whatever she had to do to solve the case, it also hurt her a lot more when things didn't work out the way they should have.

He held onto the door handle as Erin slammed on the breaks in front of the warehouse they would be going into. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for whatever would happen when they got in there.

As they got out of that car, that familiar feeling started to settle in Erin's stomach. In the seconds before a takedown, she always wondered if she was right for this job. She thought about the possibility of dying, or that someone on her team would die, or that Hank or Jay could die, and it was almost enough for her to grab them all and leave. But she had sworn to protect her city and she knew that she was completely capable of doing her job.

Her eyes met Jay's as they both raised their weapons and began to walk up to the house. Jay was at the front, she was behind him to the right, Antonio was next to her, followed by Ruzek, and finally Hank. Al and Atwater were going around back.

Jay lifted up his foot and slammed it against the door, knocking it down immediately. "CHICAGO PD!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he stepped back so she could enter.

She went to the right of the warehouse with her gun raised. A bullet flew past her face and she started to return fire. She felt her body get pushed to the ground so she was behind a couple of crates. She looked up and noticed that it was Antonio who had brought her down. She nodded at him in a silent thank you and they both started to shoot back.

Erin rose up slightly and saw that Ruzek had been shot and he was out in the open. Hank and Jay were on the left side and crouched behind some boxes and as soon as she saw her partner's face, she knew what he was going to do.

Her incentive to take out the shooter was a lot higher now and she put everything she had into trying to take him down. Jay ran out into open fire and slid across the ground to Ruzek. He grabbed the man under the arms and started to drag him over to the side. She watched in what felt like slow motion as a bullet hit Jay's arm, but it didn't stop him from his mission. He dragged Ruzek behind a set of crates and out of her vision.

Erin heard Antonio start to yell their location into his radio and announced they had an officer down and another one shot. She saw Al and Atwater were holed up behind a set of shelves as a man shot at them. She took one down just in time to see another run out the back door. She knew that none of them were close enough to chase him and avoid being shot by the three men who still had guns trained on them.

Then, out of nowhere, Jay came from behind his crates and took off after the perpetrator.

"Halstead, wait for backup!" Hank screamed, but the detective didn't listen. He managed to get out the backdoor without getting shot again.

"I'm going after him." Erin told Antonio.

"It's not safe." He informed her.

"Lindsay, you're not going anywhere!" Hank called out. He shot one of the men, and seconds later, Al took down another. That left only one of them and he was shooting towards where Ruzek was.

Since he was on the opposite side of Ruzek, Atwater came behind the man and brought him to the ground. Erin saw his gun slide out from behind the crates he had been behind and she rose to go get it. They had taken out all of the men, besides the one Jay was chasing. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, fear for her boyfriend was starting to settle in.

"Atwater, Antonio, track down Halstead. I hope to God that kid is alive. Never listens to orders."

Erin wanted to go after him, but she knew that Hank wouldn't approve of that right now. Instead, she went over to where Adam was and knelt down next to him.

She started to strip off his bullet proof vest and saw that he had taken a bullet in the chest that his vest had caught, and then one in the leg. He was still completely conscious.

"I think I'd rather be knocked out if I'm gonna get shot." He told her as he breathed heavily.

"I can punch you if you want me to." She teased back. "You're gonna live, Ruzek."

"Jay saved my life." He stated.

Alvin joined them. "Let's just hope he didn't kill himself."

"He knows what he's doing." Erin said, more for her benefit than for anybody else. If he wasn't dead already, she was going to kill him.

The ambulance arrived and Ruzek was loaded on to be taken to Chicago Med to get his gunshot wound taken care of. Erin looked up just in time to see Jay, Antonio, and Atwater walking towards them. Hank started to go over, but she grabbed his shoulder and moved him back so she could instead. She saw Jay's face fall almost instantly.

She looked him over for any noticeable injuries. She could see his left arm was bleeding from where he had been shot, and he had blood all over the front of his shirt. She knew he was wearing a bulletproof vest and he looked fine, so it must have been from the man he was chasing.

"Look, I know you're pissed at me…" he began.

"Get in the ambulance." She ordered.

"Erin…"

"Get. In. The. Ambulance." She repeated. Jay was silent as he went over to the ambulance and climbed inside. Erin looked at him for a second. "I'll meet you at the hospital." She shut the door and went towards the SUV she had arrived in.

"Take it easy on him, Linds." Atwater tried.

"Don't tell me to take it easy on him. It's not my fault he feels the constant need to be a hero. It's going to get him killed one day." She looked at Hank. "Are we good here?"

"We're good." He replied. "Rip him a new one so I don't have to."

"Trust me, I will."

Erin drove to Chicago Med and contemplated what she was going to say to him. She knew that he didn't intentionally put himself in danger, but that was the problem. Jay never knew when he was in over his head because it came so naturally to him to just protect the people around him.

She parked her car and a few minutes later, she was standing at the front desk. "I'm looking for Detective Jay Halstead." She showed the nurse her badge.

"Room 321."

"Do you have an update on Adam Ruzek?"

The nurse typed for a second. "He is getting the bullet removed from his leg now. The doctor doesn't think it will have any lasting damage because the bullet missed anything important."

"Thank you."

Erin walked down the hallway to her boyfriend's room. She opened the door and some of her anger disappeared when she saw the look on his face. He was clearly in some pain. His brother, Dr. Will Halstead, was putting stitches in his arm. Since his shirt was off, Erin could see the bruises on his chest and knew that it had been a pretty rough takedown.

"Hey." Jay noticed her presence and stood up, causing Will to mess up what he was doing and Jay grabbed his arm in pain.

"Sit down." Will ordered his younger brother. Jay reluctantly followed his orders.

"How's Adam? Is he okay?" Jay wondered.

"The bullet missed anything major. He's gonna be fine, but you know he'll be milking this injury for as long as possible." She bit her lip. She wanted to talk to him, but she felt uncomfortable with Will in the room. She liked his brother, but when it came to her feelings, she didn't like to get too personal. It was hard enough for her to open up to Jay and Hank, and those were the two most important people in her life.

"I'm sorry for going after that guy like that. I know that I should have waited for backup, but I couldn't let him get away. He's already hurt so many women and it's not fair for them to know that one of them is still out there when I knew that I could get him."

She couldn't hold it in anymore. "But you didn't know, Jay! That's the problem! You never know what's going to happen, which is why you have backup. What happened during your takedown?"

"I chased him and he started firing at me. I shot him in the leg and he fell and we fought for a couple seconds and then I had to shoot him again."

"Why?"

Jay looked at where his brother was stitching him up, but that just made it hurt worse, so he turned his attention to the white tiled floor of the hospital. "Because he had his hand around my bullet wound and he was trying to get my gun with the other hand."

"If someone had been there, then that wouldn't have happened." Erin ran her hand through her hair. "That's not all I'm talking about though. You got shot because you decided to run out into open fire!"

"Yeah, because Adam was on the ground with a bullet in his leg! He would have been dead!" Jay finally started to fight back. "What was I supposed to do? Just let him get shot again?"

"You could have made sure someone knew what you were doing so they could cover you!"

"I did! I knew that you saw me!"

"But not in time! If I would have known a few seconds earlier, maybe you wouldn't be getting stitched up right now!" Erin gestured towards his arm. She felt bad because she knew how awkward this all was for Will, but it needed to be said.

"It's not a big deal! I don't know why you're freaking out about this. I'm fine, Adam's fine, and all of those guys are dead like they deserve. It doesn't matter anymore!"

"It does matter because you're too reckless!" she shouted. "You're selfish!"

"How am I selfish?" Jay yelled.

"Because it's not just you anymore! I can't lose you because you're being reckless. What if that bullet had been a few inches over? It would have hit your heart. You would be dead right now."

Jay's features softened and his voice went back to its normal volume. "Erin…"

"You can't do that to me. I can't lose you." Her voice quieted too as it filled with emotion.

"Come here." Jay held out his free arm and Erin went over to him. He hugged her as close as he could with Will still stitching up his left arm. She buried her face in his neck and he stroked her hair.

"You're not invincible, Jay. One day, you're not going to be so lucky."

"I'm sorry, baby. I love you so much. I didn't mean to scare you, okay? I know that sometimes I react without really thinking it through and I'll try to change that. You're not going to lose me." He kissed the top of her head.

They were all silent as Will finished stitching up Jay's arm. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He stated as he exited the room.

Now that they were alone, Erin pulled away from him. He reached out and wiped away the tear that was falling down her cheek. She rested her cheek in his hand and closed her eyes.

"I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be."

"Your brother just saw me freak out. That's embarrassing."

"He understands. He's given me the same talk many times in our lives." He grimaced as he brought his left hand up to pull her closer to him. "You okay?"

"I should be asking you that."

"You can see that I'm breathing. I'm more worried about what's going on inside of your head."

"I love you and I don't ever want you to get hurt. I know that's unrealistic, especially in our line of work, but it's true."

"I feel the same way about you. I hate seeing you in any type of pain or in any situation where you could get hurt, but we have to do it. I promise that I'll consider what I'm doing before I do it. I'm not going to say that I regret either of the things that I did today because I don't, but I am sorry that I scared you. I'm glad we talked about this though. I hadn't even considered how some of my choices were affecting you."

"I know you didn't do it on purpose. I am glad that you saved Adam and we took those guys out though. I would just rather it be done a little safer."

Jay kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He studied her voice. "How bad am I gonna get it from Voight tomorrow?"

She laughed. "Just tell him a couple of those bruises came from me and I think you'll be good."

 **Next up… J: Just Say It**


	10. Just Say It

**Thank you for the reviews, please keep them coming!**

 **J: Just Say It**

 _*Sometimes after a hard day, Erin just needs to know Jay loves her and that he's there. Connected to D: Darkness._

Erin had taken the morning off of work so she could go to the doctor's for a routine check-up. She had to be at the precinct by 11am and it was only 10:15am when she exited the doctor's office. She figured she might as well stop at the diner down the street and grab a coffee and something to eat.

She walked inside and joined the line of people waiting to have their orders taken. The place wasn't too crowded, but there were a few people ahead of her. Her phone vibrated and she looked down.

 _From: Jay_

 _The most work I've done today is have a paper ball throwing contest with Ruzek, which I won, by the way. I can't wait until you get here so I can have some real entertainment._

Before she could reply, he texted her again.

 _From: Jay_

 _Hope your appointment is going well though. I love you, beautiful._

Erin smiled to herself. Jay always knew how to make her smile. She started to text him back.

"Erin?"

That one voice sent her entire mood crashing down. She kept her gaze on her phone but didn't text back, hoping that the person would walk away.

"I know you can hear me. It's rude to ignore people, especially your mother."

Erin turned to face her. "Well, when you don't act like a mother, you don't deserve to have the respect that one would get."

Bunny rolled her eyes. "Oh please, don't start with the pity act again."

Erin laughed dryly. "I'm not doing this with you." She tried to walk past her, but Bunny grabbed her arm. "Don't touch me."

"I just want to talk to you. I heard what happened with your friend Sarah's little girl. It's a shame."

Erin grinded her teeth as she tried not to say something rude. "Yes it is."

"Clay's out of jail, you know. He didn't know about that little girl being taken. He told me that you got high off of something while you were there. I thought you said you were done with that life."

"I am. It was a one-time thing for an investigation only."

"It's never a one-time thing with you. You don't have the strength to stay away from it. Being an addict is in your blood, Erin. It's what got your father sent to prison all those years ago. It's what keeps you from ever making something of yourself."

"I _have_ made something of myself. I'm a police officer who makes this city safer. I protect people and I'm happy with what I do."

"You didn't protect Nadia or Allie. You can't save everyone, Erin."

"Is this your idea of an inspirational motherly talk?" Erin questioned.

"I'm just trying to help you see what Hank Voight is doing to you. He's destroying you. You met Nadia through one of the cases that he sent you on, and if he had let you have some more time off of work, then maybe you would have been around longer for Sarah and she never would have gotten involved with Enzo and Allie would still be alive."

Erin raised an eyebrow. "How do you know all of this about Sarah and Enzo? Did Clay tell you?" Clay, the man who had reintroduced Erin to Enzo and allowed her to discover Allie's body, had a father who was addicted to drugs that had grown up with Bunny, so she knew the man pretty well.

Bunny shook her head. "I went over to see Sarah."

"Excuse me?"

"It's your fault, you know."

Erin couldn't believe Bunny had the audacity to even go see Sarah, much less blame her for anything that had happened. "What is my fault?"

"That those poor children got taken away. She's a mess without Maggie and Gavin."

"Her name is Maddie." Erin corrected angrily. "Sarah was a mess _with_ them. They are better off. They're in a good foster home."

"A foster home?" Bunny laughed. "Maybe that's what I should have done with you. Just sent you off to live in a foster home with a bunch of strangers."

"I probably would have been better off. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about the person who was supposed to be my mother every second of every day."

"I took care of you the best way I knew how, Erin! I was there every time you needed me!" Bunny argued.

"Oh really? When I was four, my father threw me down a flight of stairs and I got thirteen stitches in my arm because of it. You were at a strip club. When I was six, my father broke my collarbone because he threw me against the wall so hard. You were sleeping off a hangover. When I was eight, one of your boyfriends told me his pills were candy and I threw up for the next three days after eating a couple. You just laughed and watched. On my tenth birthday, I had to kneel next to a bathtub and keep your head up so you wouldn't choke on your own vomit. I missed 23 days of school in 7th grade because I was trying to look out for Teddy and making sure your boyfriend of the week didn't hurt him. You were never there."

"You only bring up the negative things. Don't you remember when you were five and I took you ice skating?"

Erin nodded. "Yeah, and I remember that I fell and I looked over to where you were because I thought you would help me up, but you were selling drugs to some guy on the side of the street."

"How about your seventh birthday party? I let you have friends over and everything."

"I invited my whole classroom and no one showed up because their parents knew about you and my father and they didn't trust you. I cried that whole day. You had bought cake mix, but nothing else, so I tried to make it and my father caught me and he burned my arm on the stove because he said I shouldn't have been messing up the kitchen. You were passed out on the living room floor because you were high."

Bunny shook her head. "Your father was a horrible man, but you didn't have this horrible childhood like you're making it out to be."

"I don't have any good memories."

"When you were first born, I loved you so much, Erin. Your father hadn't wanted me to have you and tried to get me to get an abortion, but I thought that it would make him love me more, so I kept you. He didn't really like you too much, but I loved you and I did everything I could for you. But you weren't a very good listener and you were always crying. Sometimes, your father hitting you might have been for the best! At least it quieted you down for a bit!"

"I was a _baby_!" Erin nearly cried. She didn't want Bunny to see her tears; she didn't ever want to look weak in front of her. "I probably only stopped crying because I was unconscious!"

"You were only unconscious twice and I made him stop." Bunny defended.

Erin just stared at the woman who had given birth to her. She didn't understand how anyone could be so heartless and not care about their child as much as Bunny didn't care about her.

"I'm sorry, Erin, but you are a very hard person to love, even as a child." Bunny continued.

"Or maybe you're just not capable of loving anyone but yourself." Erin turned to leave.

"Erin?"

She didn't know what compelled her to turn back around, but she did. "What?" she asked weakly.

"Maybe I should have listened to your father about the abortion since you seem so unhappy."

Erin shook her head. "I can't wait until I get the phone call that you finally overdosed and killed yourself." She turned and walked out of the diner.

She got in her car and had driven halfway to the precinct before she realized she never got her coffee. At that point, she didn't care anymore. She didn't think she could have drank it anyway.

She pulled into the parking lot and sat in her car for a minute. She didn't even realize how upset she was until she saw red marks across her palms from how hard she had been gripping the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and picked up her phone.

 _To: Jay_

 _Can you come to the parking lot?_

 _From: Jay_

 _Be down in a second._

She watched from her window, waiting for her boyfriend to appear. A couple minutes later, she saw him walk out. He had a smile on his face and he high-fived one of the officers on his way over to the car. He laughed at something the other man had said and Erin watched the easy relaxation on his face. She was so thankful that he never had to have a childhood like hers.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay saw Erin's car and he wondered why she hadn't just walked in. He finally got close enough to see her through her window and he knew that something had happened. She had been at the doctor's and he wondered if it had something to do with that.

He walked around to the driver's side of the car and opened her door. He crouched down so he could see her and he picked up on her nervousness immediately. She was biting her lip, her leg was bouncing, and her hands were clenched into fists.

"Hey baby." He greeted carefully. He wanted to let her take the lead on this one since he wasn't really sure what was going on.

"Can you just say it?" she practically blurted out.

"Say what?" Jay asked gently.

"That you love me. That I'm not impossible to love. That I didn't deserve to be beaten or knocked unconscious when I was a baby just because I was crying." Her bottom lip quivered as she spoke.

"I love you." He told her. "When I fell in love with you, I was scared of how easily it came. You're one of the easiest people to love that I've ever met, Erin Lindsay. You definitely didn't deserve to have anything horrible ever happen to you." He ran a hand through her hair. "What's going on? Did something happen at the doctor's?"

Erin shook her head. "I ran into Bunny."

That explained everything. Jay leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. He wrapped her into a hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek, then her neck, and then her shoulder.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Erin nodded. "Is Hank busy?"

"I'm sure he'll clear his schedule for you." Jay stepped back so she could turn off her car and get out. Once she was standing, he grabbed her hand and walked with her into the station. He didn't care that they tried not to show PDA; right now, she needed him to be there for her and he would do it. He felt her squeeze his hand and he knew he was making the right decision.

They walked up to Intelligence and he scanned his fingerprints to let them in. He went ahead of her in the direction of Voight's office.

"The slacker finally shows up." Antonio teased.

Erin smiled, but Jay shook his head at their friend. Antonio got the message and quieted down. The two of them went straight to Voight's office, where he had a man in a suit waiting.

Hank looked up at them and when his eyes landed on Erin, he turned to the man in the suit. "Is there any way we can reschedule this for tomorrow? Something came up."

"Yes, of course." The man gathered his things and excused himself from the room. Erin and Jay entered, the latter shutting the door behind them. Hank came around and leaned against the side of his desk that was closest to them, while they took chairs.

"What happened? How was the doctor's appointment?" He smiled at his surrogate daughter. "Don't tell me you're knocked up."

"No, everything is good. The doctor was fine and I'm not pregnant." Erin said. She sighed. "I ran into Bunny at the diner down the street from the doctor's office."

Hank's face straightened immediately and Jay watched the man. He was always there to protect Erin and help her anytime she needed, and he knew that this time wouldn't be any different.

"And?" he prodded calmly. Jay could tell he was trying hard not to lose it.

"She told me all about how my father wanted her to get an abortion, but she kept me because she wanted him to love her, and then said that she should have gotten the abortion because of how unhappy I seem and told me I'm very hard to love."

Hank shook his head. "I don't know when this woman is finally going to disappear."

"I don't know why she affects me so much. Everything she says hurts so badly and I wish it wouldn't."

"Even though she is a horrible person, she's still your mother, Erin." Hank reminded her. "As bad as it is, some part of you will always care what she says."

"I hate her. I hate how she can make me feel. She told me that my father used to beat me even when I was a baby and I was knocked unconscious from it twice." Erin rehashed. "She said that was for the best because at least I was quiet for a little bit. I was a _baby_! How was I supposed to know any better?" she stood up and began to pace. "She said I didn't protect Nadia or Allie."

Jay kinked an eyebrow. "How does she even know about Allie?"

"She went to go visit Sarah."

"Excuse me?" Hank asked.

"She told me that Sarah's a mess without Gavin and Maddie and that's on me, then said that maybe she should have put me in foster care. Hank, what did I do?"

"What do you mean?" he wondered.

"How could I have possibly made her hate me so much?" Erin's voice was small as she asked a question she had been thinking about for years.

"Sit down." He ordered gently.

Instead of going back to her chair, Erin sat on Jay's lap. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and gently stroked her hip with his right hand. He knew that she needed Hank right now, but he was glad she had trusted him enough to bring him into the room and let him hear their conversation. He understood that there were some times where she just needed the man who raised her.

"I want you to listen to me, Erin, and if you forget this, then just ask me again because I will spend the rest of my life telling you. You did _nothing_ wrong. You were born into a life with the odds stacked up against you. Your mother chose to be an addict, and she chose to keep using even after you were born. Your father had a history of being abused as a child, and he just did to you what he had learned from his own father. They have volatile personalities and they would have taken it out on anyone; unfortunately, you were the one who got stuck with it all. But do you wanna know something? I think you are the strongest person I have ever met. I am so proud of you and I know that if Camille was standing beside me right now, she would be telling you the same thing."

Erin took a deep breath and let it out shakily. She didn't like to cry, but Jay knew she was comfortable enough with both of the men in the room that if she needed to, she would. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" Hank prodded.

"Being like them. We already know that I have an addiction issue. What if I hurt my kids the way my father hurt me?"

"You won't." Hank said simply.

"There's nothing to prove that. Ever since Allie passed away, I've been putting myself in Sarah's shoes. I've been so desperate for drugs before that I had sex with someone. What if I had a child? I don't know if I would have given them up instead."

"You know what you have that Bunny doesn't?" Hank questioned. "You have a strength in you that your mother could never find. Bunny prays on those who are weaker than her and she manipulates and uses them until she breaks them. You're giving her what she wants, Erin. You're letting her get inside your head."

"She's already inside my head. Every time I see Jay with a child, I think about the future and the possibility of us having a child. I know that he would be the best father in the world, but then I think about myself and how I would screw it all up and it's just not worth it. I never want my child to have my life."

"Do you not see the difference?" Hank asked. "Bunny has never been able to admit she has a problem. You've gone to rehab before, you've stepped up and gotten help, you've grown up so much in the past fifteen years, and you're sitting here right now and thinking about mistakes that could be made in the future. That's how you stay on top of things. You've got too much to lose if you were to fall off the wagon again, and you know that. Yes, you've struggled, but you won the battle that so many addicts are still fighting."

Jay rubbed his girlfriend's back gently, causing her to look at him. "When we have children involved in our cases, you make them feel safe. You look after them and keep them sheltered from what's going on. You are amazing with kids, Erin. Like Voight said, you understand that you could make mistakes in the future. I don't know if something will happen that will get you hooked back on drugs, but I know that if it did, I will be by your side and fighting it with you. I will do everything I can to protect you."

"You promised me that you would leave." Erin said. "You told me after Allie died that if I ever got addicted again, you would take our kids and leave."

"I did say that, and if I thought it was getting to that point, then I would get them away from you. But I would never leave you. Erin, I love you more than any other person on this planet. You are stuck with me for the rest of your life, no matter what you do. I know that there's nothing that you could do that would be unforgivable because that's not who you are. A lot of people use their parents' mistakes as an excuse, you use yours as a guide on what not to do. I have no doubt in my mind that when we do have children one day, you will be the most amazing mother."

Erin smiled at him and leaned forward to kiss him quickly. Jay always felt uncomfortable with PDA in front of Voight, but right now, that didn't matter.

"Erin, you can do anything you set your mind to. If you want to get out from under Bunny's shadow, then I know you can do it." Hank finished.

"I love you guys." She stood up and pulled Hank into a hug.

"We love you too." He kissed her forehead. "Now, no more talk of babies. I won't be ready for that for a long time."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Please. I see the way you look at Justin and Danny. I know you can't wait to be a Grandpa again."

"I'm just happy that both of my kids found the right person for them." Hank shared a knowing look with Jay. The younger man had never heard Voight sound so approving and he couldn't help but smile. "Now get back out there and get to work."

 **Next up… K: Kiss It Better**


	11. Kiss It Better

**Thank you for the reviews, please keep them coming! I had one reviewer say that they like to try and guess what the next chapter will be about based on the chapter title that I post at the end. If you guys want to tell me your guesses in the reviews, I think that would be really interesting! I'm curious to see how many of you would get it right!**

 **This chapter deals with more about Jay and it includes some things dealing with PTSD.**

 **K: Kiss it Better**

 _*An Intelligence case leads to finding a man dead who was a member of the Rangers at the same time as Jay. He finally opens up to Erin about his past._

"I'm driving!" Erin yelled as she ran off of the elevator of the apartment. She slammed open the front doors to the building and heard Jay's footsteps right behind her. She laughed and turned around to see how close he was, but instead, she felt her feet being lifted off of the ground.

Erin squealed as she gripped tightly onto Jay's jacket as he ran over to his car. He set her down on the passenger's side and put his hands on either side of her so she was trapped with her back against the car. He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss.

"I win." He kissed her again, and again, and one final time. Erin grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a longer kiss. She reached her hands up to touch his hair and felt their lips disconnect. "Not right now. We don't have time."

Erin pouted. "Can't we just tell them we overslept?"

"Yeah, _you_ can call Voight and tell him that."

She smiled and got into the car, her phone vibrating immediately after. She saw it was a text message from Antonio telling them to meet him at an address where the latest crime had been committed. She showed Jay, who nodded his head and started to drive in that direction.

Jay glanced over at Erin. "Any details on what we're looking at today?"

"Nope, just an address and saying to meet there instead of the station."

"What were you thinking about for dinner tonight?"

"Mmmm…pizza?"

"I was thinking I could make us something. Any suggestions?"

"Oooh, your chicken fettucine Alfredo!" Erin practically moaned.

Jay laughed. "Don't get too excited there."

"Shut up." She sighed happily. Things were perfect right now.

As soon as that thought came to her mind, she felt herself start to panic. When things were perfect, it was only a matter of time before something would happen to ruin it all.

She hated that she was so cynical, but she was sure that it came from the way she was raised. Instead of lingering on her previous thought, she reached over and grabbed Jay's hand that wasn't on the steering wheel. She saw his small smile and she was amazed at the fact that she could make him so happy.

"Erin?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

Now she was the one smiling. "I love you too."

They knew they had arrived at their destination when they saw the cop cars. They reluctantly pulled their hands away from each other and got out of the car.

"Halstead, Lindsay!" Ruzek came over to them.

"What do we have?" Erin questioned.

"Male, mid-thirties, found with a bullet in his head."

"Who called the police?" Jay wondered.

"His four-year-old daughter. We think she saw the whole thing, but she's not talking."

"We'll try." Erin stated. She and Jay looked at each other and she could tell what he was thinking; cases involving kids suck.

They went over to the ambulance where Sylvie Brett was sitting with the little girl, trying to check her over for any injuries. Erin studied the child. She was small with pale skin, curly dark hair, and big brown eyes. She was adorable, even with the blank look on her face.

"Is she alright?" she asked.

"She seems to be okay, just in shock."

Erin climbed into the ambulance. She looked back at Jay, who looked like he had seen a ghost. She opened her mouth to speak, but he turned and walked the other way. She wanted to call out to him, but she didn't want to scare this little girl any more than she already was.

"Hi sweetie, my name is Erin. What's your name?" She was met with silence. "I know that you saw something scary in there, but you're safe now."

Ruzek came over to the ambulance. "How is she?"

"She's scared, but that's okay." Erin reassured the child. "Where is her mom?" she mouthed.

"On her way home. She said that her husband was supposed to take her to preschool, just like he did every day."

"Hey, your mommy is going to be here soon, okay? You're safe and we're not going to let anything happen to you. But we need to know what happened to your daddy. Can you tell me your name?"

"Dakota." The child whispered.

"That's a very pretty name. Dakota, did someone hurt your daddy?" she shook her head no. "Did your daddy hurt himself?" she nodded her head yes.

"Daddy didn't wake me up for school and I came to get him and I saw him in the livin' room and he was cryin' and he had a gun. Mommy says guns are bad and not to play with guns, but I didn't get to tell Daddy cause then he fell down. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't!"

Erin's heart broke for this little girl. "Dakota, you were so brave, do you know that? Did you call 911?"

"Uh-huh. Mommy and Daddy said only when something bad happens and I didn't know what to do 'cause I couldn't remember Mommy's number."

"You did the right thing. When someone is hurt, you should always call 911 and then the police will come and try to help you."

"Are you a police officer?" Dakota wondered, looking at her clothes and clearly wondering where her uniform was.

Erin smiled. "I'm a detective, which is pretty much like a police officer."

"That's so cool!" Dakota looked around the ambulance for what seemed like the first time. "Are you a doctor?" she asked Sylvie.

"No, I'm a paramedic. Those are the people who come when there's an emergency and they take them to the doctor."

"Hey Dakota, if you want, I can show you what a cop car looks like." Ruzek offered.

"Okay!" She got up from where she was sitting and looked at Erin. "Can you come too?"

"Of course." Erin got out of the ambulance and then reached her arms up for Dakota, who clung to her. Erin could tell that she was still scared, but she was doing better now.

That's when they heard the yelling. Erin and Adam looked over and saw that Jay was being escorted out of the house by Alvin and Atwater, both of which were trying to get him to calm down.

"Lindsay!" Atwater called out.

"I've got her." Adam reassured her. "Hey Dakota, Erin has to go check something out over there to help with the police work. Is it okay if I take you into the cop car until your mommy gets here?"

"Yeah." Dakota hugged Erin. "Thank you for coming to save my daddy."

Erin felt the tears come to her eyes. This little girl didn't even know that her father was dead. She passed her over to Adam and went to see what was going on.

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"Is she alright?" Erin asked. Jay stood behind her, his eyes glued to the child. There's no way that could be her.

"She seems to be okay, just in shock."

Erin climbed into the ambulance and looked back at him.

He couldn't do this.

Jay turned and walked towards the house. He had to be sure that it was him. He went inside, seeing Al, Atwater, and Antonio standing in the living room. He slowly came over and saw the man collapsed on his side, a puddle of blood around his head.

"Do we have an ID on the victim?" he hated how hard it was getting for him to swallow.

"Brian Taketa, age 36." Antonio supplied. "It's looking like suicide."

Jay clenched his hands into fists. He was right. It was him.

"What could possibly make a man take his life in front of his own daughter?" Atwater questioned.

"You don't understand!" Jay finally exploded, shoving his hands into Atwater's chest. He barely budged.

"Halstead, take a walk." Antonio commanded.

Jay felt a steady headache starting to pound in his temples. He held his head in his hands. He was hit with a memory- _heavy boots running through the mud, the sound of gunfire, Taketa's hand covering his mouth so his screaming wouldn't be too loud when they pulled out the bullet._

Antonio went to put a hand on Jay's shoulder. "Don't." Alvin called out. He came over to stand in front of the younger man. "Jay, it's alright. Let's go outside."

"No, it's not alright." He shook his head. "It can't be Taketa! He would never do this!"

"You know as well as I do that PTSD can make a person do things you never thought they were capable of. Let's go outside."

"His daughter." Jay said. "He loved his daughter more than anything in this world. He wouldn't just leave her to find his body."

"Come on, Jay." Alvin and Atwater started to lead him outside. "Let's sit down."

"I don't want to sit down! Why would he do this? He was doing better!" Jay shouted. "He was the only one of us who always kept his head on straight. He never, ever cried because of how much he missed home, or complained about how unfair it all was."

"Lindsay!" Jay heard Atwater yell, but he didn't care anymore. He had to get out of here. He needed a drink.

Then, he saw Erin. She had a confused expression on her face and came over to him. Jay felt completely numb as she put her hand on his arm and he pulled it away from her. The pain in her eyes didn't register with him.

"What's going on?"

"Our victim is a man Jay knows from his time in the Rangers." Alvin stated.

Erin understood the look on her boyfriend's face after that. He didn't talk too much about the Rangers and what all happened, and any time she tried to bring it up, he would tell her that it was in the past and he didn't need to worry about it now.

"Hey, listen to me, okay? We're gonna leave. We'll go home." Erin told her boyfriend. He didn't even seem like he was focusing on her. "Jay."

"Hmmm?"

"Do you want to go home?"

Jay looked around at everyone staring at him. He was embarrassed for having such a big outburst and causing a scene. No one needed to know how he felt about all of this. He nodded his head slowly.

"Tell Voight if he's got a problem, then he can come talk to me." Erin told the rest of the team. She wasn't really sure what to do when it came to Jay; she didn't know if it would set him off if she touched him.

"Jay!" she heard a woman's voice yell. Erin turned her head to see who it was. She assumed the woman was the victim's wife. "Jay, what happened? Who did this to him?"

"Ma'am, if you want to come over here, these detectives can explain it to you…" Erin attempted.

"No, I need to hear it from him." She stood in front of Jay. "Please. What happened to Brian?"

 _Gunshots. A bullet blowing right through Mouse's leg. Jay and Taketa picking him up and running as fast as they could to take cover._

Mouse.

"Erin, I need to talk to Mouse." Jay frantically told her. "He needs to know, I have to tell him."

"It's okay…" Erin tried.

"Tell him what? Jay, what happened to my husband? All they would say is that he's dead!"

Erin looked at the woman. "What is your name, ma'am?"

"Lydia, Lydia Taketa. Brian is my husband."

"I'm Detective Erin Lindsay. If you will just follow me over here, I can have someone talk to you about what happened to your husband, and then they can bring you to Dakota. Right now, Jay is not in the right state of mind to be answering questions."

"Okay." Lydia agreed.

"He shot himself." Jay mumbled. Lydia heard him though, and asked him to repeat it. "He shot himself. Dakota found him and called 911."

"What?" Lydia broke down in sobs. "He wouldn't do that! He's better! He hasn't had nightmares or been drinking or anything! He said he feels happier!"

"I'm so sorry, Lydia."

The woman threw herself into Jay's arms. He put his arms around her, but Erin could see how tightly his hands were balled into fists and the stiff way he stood. His face was blank as he stared at the ground.

"Lydia, I just want to prepare you for what is to come." Erin said, putting her hand on the woman's back after a minute. "Dakota told me that she woke up and realized her father hadn't woken her up for school. She went downstairs to find him and she came in right as the gun went off. She tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't get up. She doesn't know that he passed. If you would like one of us to tell her, we can…"

"No, I'll tell her." Lydia sniffled.

"Erin, I have to go find Mouse." Jay told her.

"I know." She reassured her boyfriend. She signaled for Adam to come over. He lifted Dakota up and brought her over to her mother.

"Mommy, look! I saw a cop car!" she jumped into her mother's arms. Lydia held onto that little girl like her life depended on it. "Erin and Adam were really nice to me."

"That's good, sweetie."

"Is Daddy okay?"

Lydia's eyes filled with tears. "No, Dakota, he's not. Daddy is up in Heaven now, like Grandma and Grandpa."

"Nuh-uh, he's in the living room!"

"Erin." Jay said urgently.

"Adam, give Lydia my number. Call me if you need anything, okay?" she hurried after Jay, who had headed towards his car. He went to the driver's side, but she ran to catch up to him and grabbed the keys from his hand.

"I'm going to drive."

"I need to find Mouse."

"I will drive us to see him. We're not arguing about this, Jay. Go."

He gave in and handed her the keys and walked around to the passenger's side. Erin got in and started to adjust the seat so that she could reach the pedals.

"Hurry!" Jay rushed her.

"You need to calm down."

"Don't tell me what I need to do!"

Erin stayed quiet after that while Jay stared out his window. They arrived at District 21 in about fifteen minutes and Jay jumped out before she even had the car parked.

She followed after him as he ran into the building. They ignored Sargent Platt as she called out to them and went straight up to Intelligence. Mouse was sitting at his computer.

"Hey guys." He greeted. "I thought you were all meeting at a house for a case."

Jay went over and sat on the edge of Mouse's desk. Erin went to her own desk, deciding that she needed to give them a little bit of privacy.

"We did. I have to talk to you about something."

"Okay, go ahead."

"Mouse, it was Taketa."

Erin watched as his face fell. "What?"

"Taketa shot himself in the head."

"What? No, he couldn't have. Where were Lydia and Dakota?"

"Lydia had gone to work already. Dakota saw the whole thing happen. She's the one who called 911."

"There's no way. I would have recognized his address."

"No, they moved, remember? Taketa invited us over a couple times, but we were always busy with cases."

Mouse stood up and enveloped Jay in a hug. The two men stood there for a couple minutes and Erin had to keep her focus on her phone so she wouldn't cry. She didn't know how she could help Jay right now because she had no idea what he needed.

They stayed there for a while, neither of the men really talking, but both of them making tiny comments about their times overseas. Eventually, the rest of the team started to arrive.

"Halstead, Mouse, take the day off." Voight ordered.

"Sir, I'm…" Mouse began.

"I don't care. I want both of you to go home and rest. Lindsay, go with them."

"Come on." Erin stood up and went over to where the two of them were sitting. The two men stood without a fight and headed downstairs. Before they got into their cars, they shared another hug and promises to call each other if they needed to.

Erin got into the driver's seat of Jay's car again. It was killing her that she didn't know what to say to him. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know." Jay answered honestly.

"I'm here. Whatever you need."

"Thanks."

The drive to the apartment was completely silent. When they arrived, Jay got out of the passenger's seat and waited until Erin walked around to go into the building. She took that as a good sign.

When they walked inside, Jay sunk down on the couch. He stared blankly at the floor. Erin took off her jacket and hung it up, then went to the kitchen to find something to eat. She didn't know how much distance to give him and it made her heart hurt; he was so good at taking care of her and she had no clue what to say.

"Are you hungry?" she finally asked. "We've got leftover pizza, I can heat up some lasagna, we've got chicken…"

"Whatever you want." He interrupted. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Okay." She watched as he stood and disappeared down the hallway to go to their bedroom. She grabbed the lasagna since she knew it was one of his favorites and preheated the oven. She put the lasagna in and went to the bedroom to find something more comfortable to wear. As she got closer to the room, she heard the shower running.

Erin started to search through the drawers for a t-shirt and that's when she heard his cries. She held tightly to the shirt in her hands and sunk down on the bed.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if he would be embarrassed if she went in and she wanted him to be able to express his emotions, but she wanted to go to him. A tear slid down her own cheek and she wiped it quickly; she had no reason to cry.

The water turned off and she changed quickly. She closed the bedroom door just as Jay exited the bathroom and she hoped she had done the right thing by letting him cry it out.

They ate lasagna together with only the sound of the TV playing in the background. When they finished, Jay collected their plates and took them to the kitchen.

"Don't worry about washing them, I'll do it." Erin told him from the couch.

"I need something to do." She just nodded her head in understanding and let him do what he wanted.

"Jay, how are you doing? What's going on in your head?" she finally asked once he came back over to sit down.

"I'm fine."

"I know that isn't true."

"I don't push you to talk to me when you don't want to, so I would appreciate it if you do the same." He said gently. She knew he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, but his words still stung.

The rest of their evening was spent mindlessly watching TV, though Erin spent more time watching Jay. At around 10:00, he finally pressed the power button on the remote.

"Can we sleep?"

"Yeah." Erin agreed. They headed to the bedroom together and Erin settled under the blankets while Jay sat on the edge of the bed. She saw he was looking at something and craned her neck slightly to see what he was holding.

"This picture is from the last time we all got together." Jay turned to show her the picture on his phone. It was him, Mouse, Taketa, and Taketa's daughter Dakota. She was wearing her father's military boots as she sat on his shoulders. "That little girl was his whole world. I can't imagine what Lydia is going through right now."

"We'll go check on her tomorrow." Erin reassured him. "We'll help her with whatever she needs."

"Dakota is too little to understand what happened. She's not even going to remember him." Jay locked his phone. "It's not fair. He was a good man and his daughter will only know that her father committed suicide."

"No she won't because she'll have her mother to tell her stories about him, and she'll have you and Mouse."

Jay just sighed and laid his head against the pillows. Erin was on her side facing him and she knew she should just leave him alone, but she couldn't help it. She reached an arm out and started to gently stroke his arm, trying to be comforting in some way. Jay didn't react as he fell asleep slowly. It didn't take long for Erin to join him.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin woke abruptly and she didn't understand why. But it only took a matter of seconds for her to look up and see her boyfriend straddling her, his hands around her neck and a cold look in his eyes that she had never seen before.

"Jay." She gasped out. She wrapped her fingers around his wrists in an attempt to get him to let go and it didn't work. He was a lot stronger than her and she knew she couldn't fight him off. He pressed down harder and she felt herself start to get dizzy.

Suddenly, he let go. He rolled back to his side and his eyes closed. Erin scrambled off the bed, resting her back against the wall next to the bed and pulling her knees up to her chest. She touched the place he had been holding on her neck and let out a quiet whimper. She didn't even realize she was crying until she felt a teardrop hit her knee.

For the first time ever, she was scared of Jay. She hated herself for feeling that way because she realized that it was probably just a nightmare, and it most likely had to do with PTSD, but it didn't help that she had a long history of abusive boyfriends.

So for the rest of the night, she sat and watched him, making sure he didn't hurt himself or her again.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When Jay woke up, he reached his arms out to try and pull Erin closer, but he was met with cold sheets. He sat up slightly and looked around the room, seeing that it was empty.

He changed into a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt and went out into the living room to see what she was doing. He found her in the kitchen making toast. She was already dressed in a pair of jeans and a turtleneck and he saw how hesitant her smile was when she finally looked up at him.

"Good morning." She called out.

"Morning." He sat on one of the stools in front of the counter.

"I made you some toast." She slid a plate towards him. "Are you going to take the day off?"

"No."

"I figured. I don't know if you're ready for this, Jay. Maybe it would be for the best if you stayed home."

"I need to stay busy and do normal things. That's how you heal."

"Yeah, but you've barely had any time to grieve."

"Regardless of what happened, my life is still going on. I have to wake up and be Detective Jay Halstead and do what I need to do to keep Chicago safe."

"Yes, you do, but one more day off isn't going to hurt anyone."

"I'm going to work." Jay stubbornly insisted.

Erin sighed. "If you think you're ready then I can't tell you what to do."

"I know."

"I'm going to finish getting ready."

"You didn't even eat your toast." He noticed.

"I'm not that hungry." She left her plate sitting on the counter while she disappeared into the bedroom.

Jay sighed. He didn't mean to act so rude to Erin. He knew she was only trying to help, but he didn't need her to tell him what to do with his life. He was a grown man and he could make his own decisions without troubling her with his problems. She had enough on her own plate.

He finished his breakfast slowly. Once he was done, he got up and went into the bathroom attached to their bedroom to brush his teeth. Erin was standing in front of their closet and looking down at the ground. She didn't even act like she heard him come in.

He brushed his teeth and reentered the room. "Ready?"

"Yeah." She slid her feet into her boots and reached down to zip them up. "Let's go."

They silently walked out of the apartment, Erin locking the door behind them. When they got to the car, they both hesitated at who would take the driver's seat.

"You can drive." Erin gave in, handing him the set of keys. Jay accepted them and started up the car. "Are you sure you want to go to work?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." She turned her head to look out the window.

Jay was surprised. He had thought she would put up more of a fight. He arrived at the district right on time and they walked upstairs together.

"What are you doing here, Halstead?" Voight questioned as soon as they walked in.

"Working. I need to take my mind off things."

"I can't have you here if your head isn't 100 percent here. It's a risk to you and a risk to the rest of the team."

"I'm 100 percent here, sir."

"Alright. I'm sorry about your friend, Jay. If there's anything I can do…"

"Thank you." Jay awkwardly brushed off. He didn't want everyone treating him differently just because of Taketa's death. He went over to his desk.

"Are you alright?" he looked back when he heard Voight ask the question. He saw that it was directed at Erin. He watched the way his girlfriend nodded and he knew instantly that something was going on. She went over and sat down at her desk. He tried to make eye contact, but she kept her focus down.

Voight started to brief them on new information for a case they had been working on for a while and Jay did everything he could to pay attention. He felt horrible knowing that Erin was struggling with something, and he hoped that she wasn't worrying about him.

"Lindsay and Halstead, I want you to go to the warehouse where the crime was committed and see if you can find anything that could tell us who these guys are." Voight ordered. He rattled off assignments to the rest of the team before everyone moved to do what they were supposed to do.

"Hey…" Jay reached out to touch Erin and she flinched. He pulled his hand back quickly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm good. Let's just go, okay?" she started to walk downstairs, leaving Jay to wonder what was happening.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

The entire day was focused mainly on the case, but Erin was happy to say they had caught one of Chicago's biggest drug lords. She hadn't had hardly any time to pay attention to Jay and she felt bad. She wanted to be there for him through all of this, but it was difficult when he wouldn't talk to her. She made a mental note to tell him all about her problems next time she was having one of her moments because this situation was extremely frustrating.

By the time all the paperwork was filled out and they finally got to go home, it was almost midnight. Erin kicked her shoes off as soon as she walked in the door and Jay picked them up, just like he always did. She walked into the bedroom and peeled off her jeans and shirt and threw them in the general direction of the hamper. She put on a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts and quickly climbed into bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin.

Jay came in a few minutes later and headed straight towards the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on and sighed in relief. She reached her hand up and gently pressed against the bruises around her neck, whimpering at the instant pain.

She didn't want to tell him what happened because she didn't want him to feel guilty. She was hoping that he would open up to her and deal with these issues, and maybe even see Dr. Charles.

Her entire body was practically begging for sleep. She had only slept for about two hours the night before and she knew she wouldn't get much tonight either considering it was already 12:30am and they had to get back to the station by 8am.

She heard the shower turn off and shut her eyes, suddenly wide awake. A few minutes later, Jay came out. "Erin?" he whispered, but she didn't respond. He came over and kissed her forehead, then laid down on his side of them bed. She realized that was the first physical contact they had had all day.

It took about a half an hour before she was sure that he had fallen asleep. She felt him move and braced herself to feel his hands around his neck, but he let out a sigh and stayed asleep. She hated that she was scared to sleep next to him.

She turned to face him and studied his expression. He looked the most peaceful she had seen him since Taketa's death. She kissed his cheek.

Erin lifted the blankets and crawled out of bed. She sat on the floor with her back up against the wall again, just watching him to make sure he was safe. She was beyond exhausted, but she didn't want him to hurt himself in his sleep. Before she knew it, the sun was creeping through the windows and she hadn't slept at all.

She grabbed her keys and went out to grab coffee and donuts, returning and dropping it all on the counter. She drank her entire coffee and then went to take a quick shower. By the time she was out, Jay was awake and starting to sit up. She slowly backed up into the bathroom again and shut the door, praying he hadn't seen her. She still needed to find something to wear that would cover the bruises on her neck and she didn't want him to see them.

She heard him get up and was relieved when the sound of his footsteps was getting further away. She quickly exited the bathroom and searched her closet for something else to wear. She chose another turtleneck and hoped no one would notice, but she figured no one would question it since it was always cold in Chicago.

"Thanks for the breakfast." Jay said to her as they passed each other in the hallway.

"Mmhmm." She went to the kitchen to eat her own donut and wondered when things had gotten so awkward between them.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Hank watched everyone in his unit at all times. He noticed when Ruzek would look away from his computer to check the scores on the latest game. He noticed when Antonio's gaze would linger a little longer on the picture on his desk that he had of his kids and ex-wife. He noticed when Atwater would disappear into the locker room to talk on the phone to his little sister.

But he watched Lindsay and Halstead the most. The woman that he had raised was very closed off and sometimes hard to read, but at other times, he could tell she was upset as soon as she walked in the door. He didn't know Halstead as well, but the man was very emotional when it came to his surrogate daughter; if she was upset, he would look up at her at least once every two minutes. If she was angry, he would try and avoid her to give her some space. And if she was happy, then they would both joke around or smile at each other throughout the morning briefing.

Today, he noticed the completely blank look on Erin's face. He wasn't sure what was going on with her, so he looked at Halstead to get some kind of an idea. His detective looked too lost in his own emotions to even notice something was happening with Erin.

Hank watched as Jay brushed past Erin on his way to his desk, and the way that Erin tensed up. He figured she was angry, until he looked to Jay and saw that the sadness in his face from his grief quickly turned into concern.

He knew he had to give them a little space. He had to let this play out and see if they could work through this together. He wasn't sure what was happening with Erin, but he knew that this was the first obstacle that had come up where it was Halstead who needed to be worried about. He had to let them figure it out. He would continue to watch, but he couldn't step in. Not yet.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

The day ended at around 7pm and Erin was beyond grateful. Jay walked over to her in the locker room.

"I'm going to go to Molly's with Mouse. You wanna come?"

"No, I'm kind of tired. I think I'll just go home and get some rest."

"Okay." Jay studied her for a second. "Thank you for giving me some space. With everything going on, I just don't know how to handle it. But I know you're here and if I need to, I can talk to you." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." He noticed the stiffness of her body. When he went to ask about it, she turned around to grab all of her belongings. "See you at home." She walked out before he could even open his mouth.

Erin got into the car and let out a sigh of relief. At least she could get a little sleep before he came home. She was so tired she had almost fallen asleep at her desk and she knew Hank wouldn't approve of that.

As soon as she got home, she stripped out of her clothes and threw on one of Jay's t-shirts. She sunk into the bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When Erin woke up, it was just starting to get light outside. She felt movement and turned around. Jay was thrashing back and forth in his sleep, sweat gathered on his forehead as he struggled with his inner demons.

"Jay, wake up. It's okay." She tried. She shook his arm and was surprised at the speed he grabbed her wrist. She felt his grasp tighten and gasped in pain. He let go of her and rolled over to face away from her.

Tears involuntarily spilled out of Erin's eyes, more because of the fact Jay had put his hands on her than her wrist hurting. She knew that he didn't mean to, but she was becoming more and more afraid of him.

She got up and started to get ready for the day.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Lindsay, Halstead, my office." Hank called out as soon as he saw the appearance of the detectives. Jay looked hungover and Erin was wearing a turtleneck for the third day in a row, along with an upset facial expression.

The two of them came in and sat down in the chairs across from his. He studied them both before speaking.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." They answered together.

He sighed at their stubbornness. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know something is happening. Halstead, what's going on with you? How are you handling everything?"

"I'm not gonna lie, Sarge. It's hard. He was one of my closest friends and I can't believe that he's gone, especially in the way that he went. It hurts knowing that that little girl will only remember her father for his last moments. But I'm handling it."

Hank looked at Erin and saw that her gaze was on his desk. She seemed completely out of it and he noticed the bags under her eyes.

"Erin?"

"I'm fine, Hank. Just worried about Jay. I've gotta get started on my paperwork." She stood up to leave.

"Erin, wait." Jay stood too and reach out to grab her hand. He got her wrist instead and both men were surprised when Erin yelped, yanking her hand away from him and pulling it close to her chest.

"Sit down." Hank ordered. He noticed the tears threatening to spill from Erin's eyes and how she slowly sat down. "Give me your arm."

She reached her arm out and he rolled up her sleeve. He noticed the dark bruises around her wrist and looked at her in confusion.

"What happened?" Jay questioned. "We need to go to Chicago Med to get that checked out. I'll call Will and let him know that we're coming…"

"No. No hospital." Erin protested. She moved her arm away from Hank. "I'm fine."

"Really?" Hank studied her. "Are you wearing anything under your turtleneck?"

She frowned. "A bra and a tank top. Why?"

"Take it off."

"No."

"Erin, take it off."

"What are you doing? What's going on?" Jay demanded.

Hank stood his ground. "I'm serious. Take off the turtleneck."

Erin struggled to get the shirt off because of her wrist. Jay moved forward to help her and gently slid it over her head. Both men frowned at the bruises around her neck. Erin bit her bottom lip and kept her gaze past them.

"Did you do this to her?" Hank accused Jay.

"What? I would never hurt her. Erin, what happened? How did you get those bruises?"

She opened her mouth to make an excuse, but a sob escaped her lips instead. Jay reached out to comfort her, but she pulled away.

"I will kill you for hurting her." Hank grabbed Jay, shoving him back against the wall.

"Stop!" she called out. She went over and threw herself between the two men, pressing her back against Jay's chest so that Hank wouldn't hurt him. "It was an accident."

"You have five seconds to explain before I put a bullet between his eyes." Hank said through clenched teeth.

"Since Taketa died, you've been having nightmares." She turned so that she could look at Jay. "The night he died, I woke up and you were on top of me choking me. I tried to pull your hands off, but you were too strong. I felt my head getting dizzy and then you got up and you went back to sleep. And then this morning, you were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you up and you grabbed my wrist." She explained through her tears.

"I-I did this?" Jay touched her neck gently with his thumb. "I hurt you?"

"It was an accident." She repeated.

"I'm so sorry." Hank watched as a tear slid down Jay's cheek. "I am so sorry." He looked conflicted on what to do with his hands. Erin took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. He followed her lead and held her close to him, leaning his face into her hair. Hank could tell he was crying.

"It's okay. You didn't mean it." Erin whispered, stroking his back. "It's okay."

Jay lifted his head to look at Hank. "I would never hurt her on purpose. I'll do whatever you want me to do to prove that. I need to get help. I don't even know where to start."

"It sounds to me like a PTSD issue." Hank told the young man. "I think you should set up an appointment with Dr. Charles at Chicago Med."

"I'll call as soon as we're out of here." Jay stroked Erin's cheek with his thumb. "I want you to go to the hospital to get your wrist checked out. I'm going to stay in a hotel until I get all this under control."

"No." Erin shook her head.

"I don't want to hurt you." Jay helplessly stated. "I'm so sorry, baby." He kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too." Erin's head was resting on his chest and he gently swayed back and forth. "I think I'll set up an appointment with Dr. Charles too."

"If you think you should, then that could be good." Jay agreed. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I hated myself so much because I know you didn't do it on purpose, but I was terrified of you, Jay. I've had boyfriends who beat me up in the past and I think that's the main reason. I don't think my brain can separate all of this from what happened to me before." She saw the pained look on Jay's face. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't hurt me on purpose. I love you and I forgive you, okay?"

He took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Both of you make your phone calls and then come out, okay?" Hank looked at Jay. "You're a good man, Halstead. Don't let one mistake that you couldn't control rule your entire life. Forgive yourself for this and get some help."

"I promise I will."

"Alright. I'll see you both out there." Hank left the couple alone, knowing that they would work through this just like they did with everything else.

 **Next up… L: Limit**


	12. Limit

**Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you all liked the last chapter, I wasn't too sure about it and you all really made me feel better about it! Someone asked if I would do a part 2, and right now, I don't think there will be a second part. But I'm thinking there will be another appearance of Jay's PTSD at some point, probably once they have kids. Please let me know what you think about this chapter!**

 **L: Limit**

 _*Jay finds out about Erin's past in bits and pieces. But he always can tell when she has hit her limit and needs a break from talking about the past and needs a more positive glimpse into the future._

Jay listened quietly, holding in his disgust for the men that Erin had dated before him. She was never the type of person to just sit down and talk about every major thing that had ever happened in her life, but every once in a while, Jay could get some details out of her.

It had all started with the case they had worked on this morning. A seventeen-year-old girl had been beaten to death by her nineteen-year-old boyfriend. The case was already a rough one, but Erin had a history with abusive boyfriends, so Jay and Hank made sure to pay some extra attention to her throughout the day.

Most of the time, Jay could only get an "I'm fine" out of his girlfriend when they discussed a sore subject. He had asked her at the office and instead of the expected response, she said they could talk about it later.

Now, they were lying in their bed together, Erin with her head on Jay's chest, as she told him the story of her ex-boyfriend Alex.

"I met him at school and he seemed like the perfect guy. His parents were rich and he was attractive. He was the quarterback of the football team and he had good grades. I had never dated a boy like him before; most of my other exes were street kids with drug addicts for parents who hardly ever knew where they would be sleeping the next night. I thought I was doing better for myself by dating Alex, and I wanted to be better for Hank and Camille."

As she spoke, Jay gently stroked her hair. Her voice always had a different tone when she talked about the past, a much more vulnerable tone. It broke his heart.

"At first, he took me on dates and everything. Camille took me to buy special outfits, and I remember Hank being so overprotective about the whole thing. It was the first time I ever felt like I had real parents." She smiled sadly. "We would go to dinner or the movies or even just on walks around Chicago.

"Then, a month after we had been dating, I met his parents. His father hated the idea of him having a girlfriend because he wanted him to focus on football. I don't think his mom really liked me because I actually had a mind of my own. Then, everyone found out that Hank had pulled some strings to get me into school and that was the only reason I was there.

"I think Alex genuinely liked me at the beginning, and I liked him a lot too. He was different and it was nice. After he found out about my past, he stayed with me. But everyone started making fun of him for dating the "street rat" and I think it started to get to him. The first time he hit me was after a football game where someone on the other team brought up how his girlfriend was a charity case."

Jay held Erin a little tighter. He didn't understand why she had to have such a hard past, but he knew that it was what had made her into the amazing person she was today.

"After that, it all kind of escalated. He broke my wrist once and I lied and said that I fell down the stairs. He would slap me, choke me, he even knocked me unconscious once. Camille was the one who finally figured it out. She found me crying in my room trying to cover up the bruises and she told me that she would help me cover them. While she put my makeup on for me, I told her what had happened, but that she couldn't tell Hank because he would kill him and I didn't want him to get in trouble. She told me that she couldn't promise anything because she knew that Hank would want to know if someone was hurting his daughter. Even though my entire body was throbbing, I remember being so happy at the fact that she had called me 'his daughter'. I hugged her and she promised me that she would keep me safe from him. Alex was my last abusive boyfriend because after that, they watched out for me and made sure I was okay."

"What did Hank do when he found out?"

Erin lifted her head up slightly to look at her boyfriend. "Well, he found out because instead of telling Hank, Camille told Justin. He was only thirteen at the time, but he had been taught how to defend himself for his whole life. He and a couple of his friends beat Alex up, and Alex had to keep quiet because he was embarrassed that he had been beat up by a group of 8th graders.

"Justin got suspended from school. I can still remember Hank coming home from work. He had just solved a big case he had been working on, and he was home late almost every night which is why I think he hadn't noticed Alex was hurting me earlier. He came in and said he got an email from Justin's principal and that he was suspended for fighting. He started going over to him and…" Erin bit her lip.

"What happened?" Jay prodded gently, rubbing her back to try and encourage her to finish. If she wanted to stop, he would let her, but he hoped that she would try and finish the story.

"It's really embarrassing now that I think about it. I thought Hank was going to hit him."

Jay kissed her forehead. "That's not embarrassing considering how you grew up. What did you do?"

"I threw myself in front of Justin and I begged Hank not to hurt him. It's so weird how vividly I remember it. Justin was a lot taller than me, even at thirteen, so it's not like I was doing much. I looked up at Hank and I told him to hit me instead. And Hank's face…it just completely fell. He didn't look angry anymore and I remember looking over and seeing Camille and she looked like she was going to cry."

"How old were you when all of this happened?" Jay wondered.

"Sixteen." Erin continued with her story. "Hank stepped back a little and he told me that he would never, ever hurt Justin, or Camille, or me. And I yelled at him and told him that's what everyone says until they actually do it and that I don't believe him. He asked Justin what he had been suspended for, and Justin told him everything about Alex and I had to just stand there and listen to them talk about me like I wasn't there. Hank got mad and he tried to leave, but Camille took him into the kitchen. I didn't know it until a couple years ago when I asked him, but she told him that I needed a father right now more than I needed revenge. Justin and I were sitting in the living room and he told me he wasn't sorry for getting suspended, and I thanked him for what he did.

"I don't know if I ever told you this, but Justin was the first one I really connected with because he was so much easier than Hank and Camille. I had already had a brother once, so that was familiar. I had never had parents, so I didn't know how to act with Hank and Camille. That's when I started pushing the boundaries a little more, and not too long after, I threw that party where Justin threw up all over the couches that I told you about once. I guess I wanted to see how much of what they were saying was the truth, and they never gave up on me."

"Did Alex ever get in trouble for what he did to you?"

Erin shook her head. "No one cared enough. I was just the street rat, remember? They all found out that he hit me, but they thought it was a good thing. The people at that school didn't want me there."

Jay knew she had reached her limit for the night. She always struggled with talking about her past, but throw in the case from earlier and the fact that Camille had been involved, he knew she wasn't going to be able to handle much more.

"You didn't deserve any of that, Erin. I'm happy that you had Hank and Camille there for you. Did Justin get in trouble for what he did?"

Erin laughed. "Hank told him he would buy him whatever he wanted, and he expected him to always stand up for me, but maybe not do it so violently." She made eye contact with him. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Mmhmm. How do you feel about getting a puppy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. I think we should get a puppy."

"Jay, we work a lot. We don't really have time to take care of a puppy, and we live in an apartment. Our puppy needs a backyard."

"Alright, but one day we can get one?"

He watched her smile. "Yeah. One day."

"What would you name it?"

"Well, it would have to be a rescue dog. I don't know what I would want it to be named though."

"We've got plenty of time to think of names. What kind of house would we live in once we got our puppy?" Jay wondered, trying to distract her from the pain of her past with a glimpse into their future.

"I like the idea of living in a nice neighborhood where our kids could walk down the street to play with their friends. I think it would be a three-bedroom house, with a master bathroom attached to our room with a big bathtub cause ours isn't cutting it." He laughed quietly. "Our backyard would be big enough that we could build a tree house and have a swing set and maybe even a pool."

"Definitely a pool." Jay chimed in. "I can imagine us in the pool on our days off, swimming with the kids and laying on pool rafts." He kissed her forehead. "How many kids do you see us having?"

"Two. What about you?"

"Two." He agreed. "A boy first, and then a little girl."

"What do you think they look like?" Erin asked.

"They both have your dark hair." He said, referring to her natural hair color. "Our boy has your eyes, our girl has mine, and they both have your dimples."

"And our girl has your freckles." Erin chimed in.

"She would be tiny and fierce, just like you. We'll let her like whatever she wants- video games, Barbie dolls, soccer, cheerleading, anything. Same goes for her brother."

"He would be a lot like you. Funny, protective…"

Jay smiled. "You think I'm funny?"

"Don't get cocky, Halstead." Erin continued her ideas. "Both of our kids would always have us there. We won't be those parents who constantly miss games and spelling bees and dance recitals because we're too busy with work."

"What are their names?"

Erin started to think. "I don't know. Maybe our boy would be Henry, after Hank. Or even his middle name could just be Henry."

"I like that idea. Maybe our girl could have my mother's name as her middle name. We could fit Camille in there too."

"What first names do you like?" Erin asked. "Would you want our boy to be junior?"

"No, he should have his own name. I've always liked the name Connor."

"Connor Henry Halstead." Erin stated. "I think it's perfect."

"What about girl names? Do you have any that you love?"

"I love the name Sophia." Erin admitted.

"Sophia Camille Elizabeth Halstead." Jay shrugged. "It's kind of long. Maybe we'll have to have two little girls."

"I don't think I want more than two kids." Erin said. "It's the perfect amount to make sure they get enough attention and we would be able to give them anything they wanted."

"Yeah, you're right." Jay stroked her hair. "How long do you think it'll be until Connor and Sophia are here?"

Erin smiled at the way he said their imaginary children's names. "A few years. I want to do it the right way; get married, buy a house, get a dog, then have kids."

"That sounds perfect. But do you know what the best part about our future is going to be?"

"What?"

"You're going to be the most amazing wife and mother in the entire world. Our kids are going to love you so much, and I will never, ever stop loving you."

Erin leaned up to kiss him. It last a few seconds before she pulled away. "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled. "Now what do you say we get practicing on making Connor and Sophia?"

 **Next up… M: Making a Team**


	13. Making a Team

**Thank you for reviewing! Please let me know what you think about this chapter!**

 **M: Making a Team**

 _*Jay remembers the first time he met Erin. The district gave Voight a unit and told him to pick his people, while giving him Antonio and Jules to work with. Voight chose Al and Erin, and Antonio suggested Jay. No one could imagine how well their two youngest detectives would work together._

"So tell me about this Voight guy." Jay asked his friend and fellow cop, Antonio Dawson. The two of them were carpooling to work for their first day in the Intelligence Unit. "How well do you know him?"

"I know he just did time. He's been suspected of being a dirty cop, but the guy gets the job done." Antonio replied. "The commander told me that he would be the head of the unit and that I was going to be working with him. He asked me if I had any people I wanted to bring in, and I told him you and Jules." He was referring to his partner, Jules Willhite.

"Who else did Voight bring in?"

"Alvin Olinsky, he was his partner back in the day when he was in the gang unit. And a newer detective, Erin Lindsay." He pulled into the parking lot. "Just do me a favor and keep your head down. We don't need your temper flaring up."

"I don't have a temper." Jay defended, though both men knew he was lying. They walked into the district together.

"Look who it is! Our newest Intelligence officer." Jay saw an older woman standing at the front desk. "Good to see you, Dawson."

"You too, Trudy. This is Detective Jay Halstead; he's going to be in Intelligence too."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am." Jay held out his hand to shake hers, but she just looked at him.

"Yeah, you're not going to last long." She turned around and started looking at some papers.

Jay looked at Antonio in alarm, but the older man just laughed. "She's tough at first, but she'll get to like you. That's Sergeant Platt; she's one of the best."

The door buzzed as the two men opened it and walked up the stairs. They looked at the sets of desks and the office in the back of the room and Jay couldn't hold in his happiness. This was a great opportunity and he couldn't wait to get to work.

"Dawson." He heard a gravelly voice say. Jay looked over and saw a man who was probably in his early fifties. The man gave him a once over and then nodded. "You must be Halstead."

Jay nodded once. "Thank you for this opportunity, sir."

"We're glad to have you. Your desk will be there." He pointed to a desk. "Dawson, you're there."

"Are we the first ones here?" Jay asked once Voight went back into his office and shut the door.

"Looks like it."

Right after Antonio spoke, they heard footsteps on the stairs. An older man, probably a few years older than Voight, came up the stairs. He noticed the two men and nodded in greeting.

"Hey Antonio."

"Hey Al. Exciting day, huh? The team is finally together." He looked towards Jay. "This is Detective Jay Halstead."

"Alvin Olinsky." The older man stated before nodding towards the office. "Hank in there?"

"Yeah." Alvin went into the office and shut the door. "He's a man of few words."

"Obviously." Jay wondered how he would like working with Olinsky and Voight. It seemed like the two of them were obvious choices for partners and Antonio and Jules would probably be together, so he wondered who his partner would be.

"Hey guys!" Jules came up the stairs with a smile. "God, this is amazing! I can't believe we're in Intelligence!"

Jay had only met Jules a few times, but from what he had seen, he liked her. She seemed sweet and very capable of doing her job.

"How you feeling, Jay?" she asked.

"Great. Just glad to be off patrol."

"This is going to be a good team, I can feel it."

Voight's door opened and he and Olinsky came out. Both men looked pointedly at the desk right across from Jay's and Olinsky shook his head. Voight greeted Jules and told her which desk belonged to her, and then he went up to the front of the room. As soon as he was about to speak, they all heard the door click open.

Jay watched as a woman probably a few years younger than him entered the room. She had brown, slightly curly hair and she was tiny. As she got closer, he noticed she was even more beautiful than he had expected.

"Lindsay, so nice that you finally decided to join us." Voight called out.

"Sorry, there was traffic."

He silently pointed to the desk across from Jay's and the woman sat down. She looked over and they made eye contact and Jay swore he felt like lightning had shot through his body. God, she was gorgeous.

Voight started to go into the details of the case they would be working on, and then he made an announcement. "Dawson, Willhite, you go to the warehouse and search for anything that could help us. Al and I are going to do an interrogation on the man seen snooping around the day before. Halstead and Lindsay, I need you to talk to the family and see if they know anything."

Jay smiled. He would get to work with this beautiful woman. Intelligence was already seeming like the best job he would ever have.

The girl who was apparently named Lindsay stood and came to his desk. "I'm driving."

Jay stood. "Fine by me."

She walked quickly towards the stairs that would lead them out of Intelligence and he went to follow after her, but felt a hand on his shoulder that pulled him back.

"The quickest way to get kicked out of this unit is to let her get hurt in any way possible. Do not screw up." Voight practically threatened.

"I won't, sir."

He jogged down the stairs to catch up to her. She kept her gaze straight ahead and they walked silently to the car that they had been assigned to. He didn't speak until they got inside.

"I'm Jay Halstead, by the way. And you're Lindsay…" he trailed off, waiting for her to fill in her last name.

"Erin Lindsay." She supplied.

"Oh, so your first name isn't Lindsay. Got it." He wasn't sure what else to say. "Intelligence is a great opportunity, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Everyone seems like they know what they're doing." She started the car and drove in the direction of victim's home. "How did you end up in Intelligence?"

"Antonio and I have known each other for a while now. He recommended me and I thought it sounded interesting, so I agreed to do it. What about you?"

"Voight brought me in."

"I heard he's pretty tough on the people he works with. He must have really liked you to bring you into his unit."

She smiled slightly and he got a glimpse of her dimples. It made her look even more beautiful than he already thought she was. "Yeah, he likes me alright."

Jay wondered what she meant, but didn't have time to question her on it because they pulled up in front of the house they were going to. As soon as they stepped out of the car, Jay felt like something was off. He waited for Erin to walk around to his side of the car and he could see from her facial expression that she felt it too.

They both had their guns strapped to their sides and he put his hand over top of his, but didn't pull it out. He looked up towards the window of the house they were walking towards and saw something reflect. It took him less than a second to realize it was a gun.

"Gun!" he shouted, jumping forward and pushing Lindsay to the ground. He grabbed his radio as bullets began to fly towards them. "This is Detective Jay Halstead. Shots fired at the police! Requesting immediate backup!" he looked at the woman next to him. "You good?"

"Yeah, thanks." They both moved back to use the car as cover. Their guns were drawn as they aimed them towards the house. They heard a sound crash in the backyard and saw a man running to the left of the house through the backyards. "We have no vests and no backup. What do you want to do?"

"You watch my back and I'll watch yours?"

He watched as Erin took a deep breath. "Let's do it."

They both took off in the direction of the man who had run from the house. It didn't take long to catch up with him and they cut over to go into the backyards with him. He started to fire shots as he ran, but they weren't aimed very well and completely missed the two detectives.

Erin and Jay launched themselves over a wire fence, Jay getting enough of a jump that he tackled the perpetrator. He sent the gun flying and Erin went to pick it up as Jay handcuffed the man. He and Erin made eye contact and nodded at each other; they were both pretty sure this partnership was going to work out.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Day 1 and I've already got two irresponsible detectives." Hank stated as he looked at Halstead and Lindsay, who were sat across from him in his office. "When you request backup, you wait for backup. Neither of you were equipped for a chase, and you shouldn't have taken the risk of being shot."

"So we were supposed to just let him get away?" Erin questioned. "We just found out that this man killed his own brother because he wanted to be with his wife! How could we let him get away?"

"At the time, you had no idea what the man had done. All you knew was that he was aiming for you."

"I knew Halstead had my back." Erin replied. "He had me on the ground before a shot was even fired. I knew that I could watch him and that we could get this guy, or at the very least _try_. We wouldn't be cops if we didn't try to take down all the bad guys."

Hank sighed. "You know, you're both young and a little reckless. Maybe this partnership isn't going to work out…"

"It'll work." Jay and Erin replied in unison.

"Sarge, I've worked with her for a day and I already trust her to have my back. That's not something that happens every day." Jay chimed in.

He looked first at Erin, then at Jay. "From now on, you follow orders."

"We will." Erin agreed.

"See you tomorrow morning." Hank dismissed.

Erin and Jay stood and exited his office. They both looked at each other and shared a small smile. This partnership would _definitely_ work.

 **Next up… N: Nadia**


	14. Nadia

**I need some feedback from you all. At the beginning of this story, each chapter was getting a good amount of reviews. The last chapter only had five; with 164 followers to the story, I expect a couple more reviews. Could you all let me know if there's something I'm doing wrong, or something else you would like to see? I love writing this story and I'm excited to do the second round of ABCs where Erin and Jay have kids, but if no one is interested, then I may not write it. Thank you to those that have reviewed, and please keep doing so! All of your opinions are what influence this story!**

 **This chapter is based off of the episode "The Song of Gregory William Yates". It contains a lot of direct quotes from the episode, along with a few extra scenes that I added in. Let me know what you think!**

 **N: Nadia**

 _*Even though Nadia is gone, she is still with Erin every day and Jay can see how her death has impacted his girlfriend. Based off episode 3x14 "The Song of Gregory William Yates"._

Hank looked at his team, all sitting blissfully unaware at their desks. He had just gotten a phone call from Lieutenant Olivia Benson of New York's SVU team, informing him that they had a case with a connection to Gregory Yates. He wanted to speak to one of Olivia's detectives, but instead, Olivia wanted to send Erin.

Hank had seen his surrogate daughter fall down a dark hole once because of this man. He had killed Nadia and changed their team's lives forever. But of them all, Erin had been affected the most. She had taken Nadia in and helped her change; she saw the girl as a younger version of herself and wanted to make life better for her.

He observed his team. Erin was sitting at her desk, though her focus was across the room on where Jay was at his desk, telling her some kind of story. Adam and Atwater were in the break room, and Al and Antonio were talking quietly. Mouse had gone to get coffee.

Hank knew that Erin would be furious if she didn't have the chance to talk to this man. But he didn't want her to completely lose it again. He knew if he went with her, she would feel too trapped. He considered sending Halstead; after all, he is her partner and he's the one who brought her back from the dark side. But he knew that the younger man lacked the ability to say no to his girlfriend, so he had to choose someone better. Erin had a way of softening Alvin, and Ruzek and Atwater were too inexperienced. That really only left one choice.

"Lindsay and Dawson, pack a bag. You're going to New York. Your flight leaves in two hours."

"I've got my kids this weekend." Dawson started to protest. "What's this about?"

"Gregory Yates."

The entire room fell into silence. Dawson and Lindsay both rose, no longer protesting anything.

"What's going on?" Erin questioned. "What is he doing now?"

"He wants to talk to Rollins, but Lieutenant Benson doesn't want him anywhere near her. She thinks that he might talk to you instead."

"I'll go so Antonio can have his kids." Jay offered.

"No. Dawson and Lindsay." Hank insisted. "Go take care of whatever needs to be taken care of and get back here in an hour. All of you." He looked pointedly at Jay, giving him permission to leave and be with Erin for the rest of this time. He knew that she would need to talk about it to someone and Halstead was the best bet.

He watched as they all left and hoped that he was doing the right thing by sending her.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay sat on the bed and watched as Erin threw some clothes into a bag. She was supposed to just be going there for a talk with Yates, but he knew how these things ended up. Yates would probably toy with her for a while and manipulate her without giving any real information. He wanted to be there with her.

Erin was beyond tense and she could barely even look at him. He could tell she was staring to harden her walls already to prepare herself to see him. Jay stood and went over to her.

"Hey." He said quietly, wrapping his arms around her from behind. She relaxed in his embrace and let out a sigh. "You know you don't have to do this, right? If it's going to be too much…"

"It's not." She turned so she could look at him. "I have to talk to him. I have to know what's going on and if he knows anything. For Nadia."

"I'm just scared about what it might do to you." He admitted.

She leaned up to kiss him. "I've got a reason to fight it. No matter what, Nadia is gone. I've accepted that. Yates can say anything and it won't change the fact that she was an amazing person and that I'm lucky to have gotten the chance to know her."

"You're right." He hugged her close. "You can call me if you need anything, you know that, right? Even if you just want to talk about something else to get your mind off of it. And if you need me to come there and be with you, I'll be on the first flight to New York. I know you can handle this, babe, but I don't want you to go through it alone."

"I know you're here, and I'll have Antonio too. And Hank and Olivia. I'll be okay. It's gonna be hard, but I can handle it." She pulled away from him. "We have to get back to the station. Thank you for being here and always looking out for me."

"You don't have to thank me. That's what I'm here for." He leaned down and picked up her bag. "Come on."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When Erin walked into the room containing her friend's killer, she immediately felt her skin crawl. She felt Antonio's hand on the small of her back, but she moved forward. She could handle this.

She laid out the pictures of the newest victims and watched as Yates stared at them. He still had the same sickly smile. She couldn't even fully focus on what he was saying because she was overwhelmed by how much she hated him.

Maybe she couldn't do this.

"…that same place where your friend, Nadia, was found."

"After you murdered her." Erin couldn't help but remind him.

"Dr. Yates, we're here because we heard you might have information about these victims." Antonio interrupted, keeping them on task. Erin could tell he wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible. She wondered if Hank or Jay had asked him to watch out for her and make sure she stayed cool.

Erin watched as Yates played games with Antonio, acting like he didn't know what happened. She felt herself slowly get more and more nauseous with the more he spoke. Antonio laid the pictures in front of him.

"Mmmm…so young. I don't imagine that's what they look like when their killer encounters them."

"Where?" Erin demanded.

"It could be at a truck stop, whoring themselves out for cocaine. You must know the power of addiction."

She could have leapt across the table and strangled him then. "We're here to talk about these girls, not me."

"Nadia talked a lot about you. On our drive. How Sergeant Voight took you off the street, mentored you. That man has a lot of anger. It must have been very scary growing up in his home."

Erin pushed herself back from the table. She knew she wasn't getting anything out of him. "We're done." She was grateful when Antonio followed her lead and collected all of the pictures off of the table.

"Sorry you wasted your trip." He called as she and Antonio walked towards the door.

"I'm sure." She replied. She thought her heart was going to beat out of her chest from how angry she was getting.

"Tell the warden I would be much more comfortable talking to Detective Rollins."

"She's not coming up here." Antonio answered.

Yates gasped and stood up. "She must have had her baby by now! Is it a boy or a girl?"

If Erin's skin wasn't crawling before, it definitely was now. "That is none of your business."

"You want closure for those families? Get her here." He sat down and looked away from them. "By tomorrow."

Erin followed Antonio out of the room. He turned to look at her. "You okay?"

"I'm good." She was lying, and she knew he could tell that she was lying.

"Erin…"

"I'm fine."

"Just call Jay, okay? You don't have to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone. You're not alone."

"I'll call him." Erin said. Talking to him sounded like the best thing in the world right now. "I'll be back."

She went into the bathroom and shut the door behind her, turning the lock into place. She clicked on his name and waited for him to answer.

"Hey baby." He greeted.

"Hi." She hated the way her voice shook. "What are you doing?"

"Laundry. I already finished loading the dishwasher, and I'll probably vacuum next." She was glad her boyfriend was such a neat freak because she was very messy.

"That's good." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Everything okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"I just needed to hear your voice. I just talked to Yates."

"How did that go?"

"We didn't get anything out of him. He wanted to talk about my past and how living with Hank must have been so scary." She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her. "I'm so angry, Jay. I feel like I'm bouncing from how much anger I have towards him. I hate giving him that power."

"As long as you don't show it, you're not giving him anything. Just keep your cool and do what you came to do."

"It's so hard."

"I know, but you're good at what you do." He paused. "What did he say about your past?"

"Something about my addiction. About how Nadia talked a lot about me and Hank on their drive. _Their drive_ like it was some vacation they decided to take together. And he won't let wanting to talk to Rollins go. He asked about her baby, Jay. He makes me feel sick."

"Well you talked to him and there's not much else you can do if he's not giving you the information you need. It won't be too much longer until you get home."

"But Olivia really doesn't want Rollins to go in there. What if he doesn't give any information? Then those families never get closure. I'm sure there's something else I could do."

"Erin, it's not worth sacrificing yourself. Olivia will find a way."

She sighed. "I know she will. I've gotta go, Antonio is waiting for me. I'll see you when I get home."

"Okay, call me if you need anything. I love you."

"I love you too." She disconnected the phone call. She definitely wasn't just going to sit back and let Yates get away with this.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin and Antonio sat in chairs at the airport, both of them lost in their own thoughts. They were ready to get back to Chicago and be done with this whole situation. Right as they were able to board the plane, Erin's phone rang.

"It's Voight." She said before answering. "Hey Hank, we're about to get on the plane now."

"Don't. I need you to take a car back to SVU."

"What's going on?" she questioned, gaining Antonio's attention.

"Yates and another murderer, Carl Rudnick, escaped from Green Haven. Lieutenant Benson needs as much help as she can get. They've killed two people already."

Erin's blood ran cold. She took a deep breath. "We'll go back." She hung up the phone and looked to Antonio. "Yates escaped."

" _What_?" he asked in shock.

"He and another inmate escaped. They killed two people. Lieutenant Benson asked for us to stay."

He nodded his head. "Let's go."

They were able to get their luggage back quickly when they showed their badges, and they got into a taxi. Erin could feel her heart beating in her ears. She couldn't believe that he was out. She wondered how many more people he would hurt. Her pulse quickened; she wouldn't let him hurt anyone else.

"We'll get him, Erin." Antonio reassured her. She just nodded her head as her phone vibrated, signaling she had a text message.

 _From: Jay_

 _Just heard about Yates. You guys will get him. I love you and I'm here if you need me._

She texted back a quick 'love you too' and closed her eyes, trying to mentally prepare herself for anything that would come up.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Son of a bitch." Erin breathed as she stared down at the body of the trooper.

"You okay?" Antonio asked. She could hear the concern in his voice, but she didn't need it. She just needed to find the man responsible for this.

"This is Yates." She stated confidently. She knew for sure that it was him. As Dodds entered, she told him too. "How did the trooper end up here?"

"First responder got a call from a neighbor who saw smoke coming out of the chimney. The owner never stays here in the winter."

"How long ago?" Antonio wondered.

"An hour. They also found a blood trail outside. One of them may be hurt, might of slowed them down. The dogs are on both scents." He gestured towards the door and Antonio started to follow.

As he looked at his teammate, he knew that she was in over her head. She wasn't handling this well. Instead of going outside, he went over to her.

"Hey." He put his hand on her back gently and she turned to look at him. "We'll get him."

She didn't reply and looked to the ground. Antonio went outside as Erin stared at the body of the trooper. She wasn't going to let this happen again. She was going to find Yates and fix this.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"All the agencies are on it. They'll find him." Dodds said as he hung up his phone. Erin kept her focus on the road. "My Lieutenant wants us to come back."

"Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'll drop you at a rest stop if you want."

"Detective, I know he killed somebody close to you, but this isn't us anymore."

Erin looked over and saw a police car parked off to the side of the road. "What the hell is that?" She stopped the car and put it in reverse.

"Pull over." Dodds commanded.

Erin pulled in behind the police car and saw that there was another in front of it. The two of them got out of the car.

"This is Sergeant Dodds NYPD requesting backup…"

Erin held her gun and her flashlight, looking for any sign of danger. But she could feel it. She knew that Yates was near. Her breathing started to get heavier; she wondered if Nadia knew that Yates was near on the night he took her. She started to jog forward when she saw a body.

"I've got a trooper down." She announced. She felt his pulse. Four dead now, and Rudnick injured. "He's gone!" she made a startling realization only seconds later. "So is his gun!"

Before either of them could react, shots were fired. A bullet his Dodds, while Erin moved to take cover behind the truck.

"Stay down! Take cover!" Dodds shouted. He picked up his radio. "This is Sergeant Dodds. Shots fired. Two officers down. Suspect is armed and in flight. Requesting immediate backup."

"Dodds, are you okay?" she asked as she studied him.

"I'm fine, just stay down." He insisted.

If Erin was with her own team, there's no way it would have happened. They would have known instantly what she was planning, but Dodds didn't know her very well and he was injured, so he couldn't really stop her. She stood up and shined her flashlight into the woods.

"Detective, what are you doing?"

For once, she was glad her team wasn't there. She could do what needed to be done.

"Detective, stay down!"

She ignored him, walking away from her cover and into the woods.

"Get back here! Wait for backup! Get back here! Detective!"

Erin couldn't hear his voice anymore as she ran into the woods. She knew Voight would be furious, and she would most likely get a lecture from Jay, but she had to do this. She had to take care of what needed to be done.

As she ran, she fell, slamming her body to the ground. She felt pain radiate everywhere, but mostly in her left leg. She didn't think she broke it, but she had definitely hurt something. If it was anyone else, she may have stayed down. But this was Yates and this was for Nadia.

She found her flashlight and forced herself back up to search for her gun. She clenched her teeth as hard as she could in an attempt to ignore the pain. She saw a cabin sitting in the woods and she knew that that was where she would find him.

In that moment, she wished Jay was there. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might fall out of her chest. She could barely get in a breath, her leg was throbbing, she hadn't slept in two days, and she just needed someone to have her back right now. But she couldn't stop. She had to find Yates.

Erin climbed the stairs slowly and cautiously. She opened the door and shined her flashlight inside. It didn't take long for her to find a little girl hiding under a table.

For a second, she thought about her own childhood. She had hidden many times from Bunny's boyfriends and from abusive men. She wondered if Nadia had experienced the same thing. The child closed her eyes, as if that would make her disappear, and even though Erin _needed_ to find Yates, she needed to help this little girl.

"Hey. It's okay. I'm the police, are you alright?"

"My daddy." The little girl whimpered.

Erin heard the gunshot and turned her head towards the shot. "I need you to stay right where you are, okay?" she didn't give the child a chance to reply as she stood and ran out the door.

 _Breathe, Erin, breathe_ , she chanted in her head. If she didn't breathe, she was going to pass out.

A truck started driving towards her and she saw Yates in the driver's seat before she had to dive out of the way. She gasped at the way she landed, feeling her leg begin to throb even more, but she still forced herself up. She ran over and braced herself. She started to shoot at the tires of the truck. As she watched him drive away, Erin could have cried.

She knew she couldn't catch him, so instead, she started to look for the victim of the gunshots. She found him dead next to a tree with a piece of paper stuffed into his mouth.

 _See you back home, Erin._

She heard the faint sound of police sirens as she struggled to catch her breath. She didn't have the motivation to move anymore. Yates had gotten away, and he had killed this little girl's father. Five deaths.

"Lindsay!" she heard voices begin to yell. But she couldn't speak. If she spoke, she was scared she wouldn't have enough air to breathe and she needed to breathe.

"Erin!" she felt someone shaking her shoulder. "Erin, hey. You okay?" she recognized Antonio's voice and his hand on her arm. "Voight's on the phone. He wants to talk to you."

"No." she managed to gasp out.

"You're hyperventilating. Take deep breaths." He instructed.

"Little girl…" she pointed towards the house. Rollins and Carisi headed in that direction.

"Erin, come on. Close your eyes and focus. Inhale and exhale." Antonio told her calmly. "Voight, can you put Halstead on?"

Her interest perked at the sound of her boyfriend's name. Before she could protest, she heard the words 'panic attack' and 'escaped' before the phone was pressed against her ear.

"Hey baby, everything is okay. Do you hear me? You're alright. Antonio's got you and you're safe now. He said that you saved a little girl. We're gonna find Yates, okay? Right now, you need to focus on you. I need you to take some deep breaths, Erin. Just close your eyes and pretend you're at home. We're laying on the couch watching a movie and you're in my arms. There are Chinese containers lying on the coffee table and you yell at me about how I can't touch them because I always clean everything, but then I would end up cleaning them up the next morning anyway because you forgot. Can you say something so I know you're okay?"

"He's gone." She whimpered.

"We'll get him."

"How many more people will die first?" she asked. Before he could answer, she pushed the phone away.

"It's Antonio…yeah, I will…see you soon." He hung up the phone. "You good?"

She nodded her head. She didn't trust her voice right now. Erin went to stand, but she felt the pain radiate through her left leg and she bit down on her lip. Antonio noticed and wrapped his arms around her to help her stand.

"What happened?"

"I fell." She stated simply. She tried to walk, but any pressure just made it worse. Antonio sighed and lifted her into his arms. She was too exhausted to protest as he carried her over to the car.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin had never felt more defeated than she did when she and Antonio arrived in Chicago. They waited until it was their turn to exit the plane.

"How's your leg?"

"It's good." She lied. As soon as she went to take a step forward, she stumbled. Her leg was starting to feel better, but she had been sitting for a while, so she blamed it on that.

Antonio reached over and lifted her up. "I know you don't like to depend on people, but we're all here for you. You're not going to be able to do anything with an injured leg."

"The doctor in New York looked at it. He said it was fine."

"Yeah, but you've been sitting for a while. I don't want you to fall and hurt it worse. Just let me carry you."

Erin let him carry her off the plane. As they walked out, she saw Hank and Jay standing there. She hated that they were both there; why weren't they back at the station looking for clues on where to find Yates?

"Erin?" Jay rushed forward. "What happened? Are you okay?"

She had specifically asked Antonio not to say anything over the phone about her hurting her leg, but by the look on Hank's face, she was pretty sure Olivia had already mentioned it to him.

"I fell. I'm fine."

"I'm gonna take you to Med to get checked out…"

"She was checked out in New York. She's fine, just a little bruised up." Hank answered.

Jay turned to him. "You knew she was hurt and you didn't tell me?"

"You didn't need to worry about something that wasn't that serious."

Jay shook his head. "Let's just get back to the station." He reached his arms out and Antonio transferred the small woman to him. He wondered how badly she was hurt if she was letting herself be carried.

"You guys sit. We'll get the luggage." Antonio stated. He and Hank walked away while Jay sat down and held Erin on his lap.

"You good?"

"Yep."

"Erin…"

"I'm exhausted." She admitted. She let her head rest against his shoulder and he rubbed her back gently.

"I know. It'll be over soon. We'll get him." He kissed her forehead. "Have you slept at all?" she shook her head. "It's been three days, baby."

"I've tried, I just can't."

Jay saw Antonio and Voight coming and looked at his girlfriend. "Do you need me to carry you?"

"I think I can walk, just put your arm around me so I don't get embarrassed if my leg gives out. I'm okay, I had just been sitting for a while and I tried to stand to get off the plane, but I almost fell so Antonio picked me up."

Erin stood with Jay's help and she felt his arm lock around her waist. She tried to mentally prepare herself for what was to come. She wasn't going to give up until Yates was locked up, or even better, dead.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Greg Yates escaped custody last night in upstate New York after killing two state troopers, two electric workers, a camper, and shooting Sergeant Dodds. Dodds, he'll make a full recovery, thank God." Antonio briefed the team.

"And Yates?" Ruzek questioned.

Jay picked up. "Pennsylvania troopers found a truck abandoned on a state road. State forensics lifted Yates' prints and a motorist there ID'd Yates as pretending to have car trouble, then knocking him out to take his car."

"He repeated the pattern in Ohio and Indiana." Antonio continued. "Last vehicle brought him to the Illinois border. Crime lab confirms Yates' prints, but there are no leads after that."

"Yeah, except one." Voight interrupted. All eyes were on him as he walked to the front of the room and pointed at the note Erin had found in New York. "Erin. The reason Yates is here."

"No. He's just trying to get in our heads. We put out a BOLO investigative alert and Amber Alerts on the vehicle. Troopers are watching every highway coming into Chicago." Erin stated.

"New York SVU is questioning Carl Rudnick, the guy Yates escaped with, who's back in custody. Lieutenant Benson will be in touch when they have anything to report." Antonio finished.

"Well until then I want us on every transient, hotel, shelter, food bank in the city. Remember, this guy will kill or maim to get what he wants. And flag the credit cards of the vehicle owners. See if there was a safe haven he used last time he was here. Let's get on it." Everyone started to file out of the room to follow Voight's orders.

"How's your knee?" Jay asked Erin as he came over to her desk.

"It's okay." He gave her a look. "I'm fine."

Jay sighed and let it go. "Alright, I'm gonna run with the carjack victims, see if he grabbed any phones."

"Okay. Thanks." Erin sat down at her desk, barely even giving him a second look.

Just as she was about to make a phone call, Voight interrupted her. "Erin, Antonio, come on in here."

They stood and listened to Lieutenant Benson give them the information she had managed to get from Rudnick. As Antonio stated the location, Erin's heart stopped.

"That's near your apartment." Hank reminded her.

"It doesn't mean anything." She stubbornly insisted. She couldn't have them all think she was some sort of victim that needed to be protected. They didn't need to worry about her; they needed to focus on Yates.

Before he could say anything else, Platt informed them that four women in the same apartment building had just been murdered. As Hank, Antonio, and Erin went to leave, the older man called out to her.

"You're riding with me."

Erin clenched her teeth and didn't say anything. She didn't need anyone hovering over her right now. She was sick of being treated like she could break at any second. Yes, she had relapsed after Nadia's death. But she had changed. She wasn't going to fall off the edge again.

She and Hank went to his car as he called the rest of the team and ordered them to get to the apartment building. Erin stared out the window and hoped that he wouldn't try and talk to her.

"How you holding up, kid?"

"I'm fine."

"You know, everyone can see through that lie."

"I said I'm fine."

The rest of the ride was quiet until they arrived on the scene. The rest of the team had beaten them there and Hank, Erin, and Jay followed Burgess into the apartment.

Erin looked at the bloody crime scene in front of her. She didn't know if it was all of the blood, the fact she hadn't slept and barely eaten, or that it was Yates who had done this, but she felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't even imagine what these girls had gone through.

 _What Nadia had gone through._

She shook her head; this wasn't about Nadia. That was over with. Yates would be put back in prison where he belonged and serve his time for what he did to Nadia, along with his crimes towards these other girls. She had to tell herself that.

 _Nine victims._

As time passed, things got worse. Hank refused to let her out of her sight. Though he tried to say he wasn't benching her, Erin knew him. She knew that he would try and protect her, but she also knew he was being unreasonable.

"We just left a scene with three dead nurses, I'm not the one you need to worry about." She reminded him as they exited the apartment.

"Erin, he's baiting you."

"No, he's not. He's using me to get under your skin and it's working."

"You make one mistake with Yates, you're dead, you get that?"

"If he wanted me, he would have had me in upstate New York."

"Well he's not getting a second chance."

Before she could argue, her phone rang. She held in the urge to scream when she saw the name that popped up on the phone.

"It's Bunny." She told Hank as she ignored the call. "She's back from Reno, she kicked husband number 5 to the curb."

"She want more money?"

"I don't know what she wants." This definitely wasn't what mattered right now. Her drug addict of a mother could wait. "Hank, if I'm bait, let me be bait. I can draw him in! Let me do my job."

"Get in the car."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Hank hated to have to say no to her. He could tell she was hurting and he knew that work would be a good outlet for all of her stress, but his fatherly instincts were kicking in. There was no way he was going to send the girl he considered a daughter into harm's way.

"Halstead." He called out. The younger man came into his office and shut the door behind him.

"What's up, Sarge?"

"Has Erin been talking to you at all?" he questioned.

He could see the man's loyalty as he debated on whether or not to speak to him about Erin. He respected that, but right now, he needed to know everything that was going on with her. Jay must have come to the same conclusion.

"She keeps saying she's fine, but I think we all know that isn't true. She hasn't slept since she left for New York."

Hank sighed. "I don't think it's safe for her to be out there. What are your thoughts?"

Jay seemed conflicted. "It's not my decision to make."

"I know it's not, but I want your opinion."

"I think she needs to get some rest and detox from the situation for a little bit. If that happened, then I think she would be good to go. She's at a good place mentally from what I can tell, she's just so amped up and she has nowhere to put her energy."

Hank nodded. "We both know Erin won't leave the station until Yates is caught, and I can't spare you to try and get her to stay at home."

"Then keep her off the case." Jay sighed. "I hate going behind her back and talking about her like this, but I don't want her to get hurt. She can't give 100% right now though and I'm not willing to risk her life."

"I'm glad we're on the same page. Let's keep an eye on her."

Jay nodded his head and exited Voight's office. He just hoped they were making the right decision.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Hey guys, there's a note left in the car Yates drove here!" Antonio called out to Jay and Atwater as they approached him.

Jay's steps quickened. The last time this psycho had left a note, it was for his girlfriend and he wasn't ready for a repeat of that. He leaned down to look into the window as he grabbed the white piece of paper.

"Too bad you're at the station, Erin. You're missing all the fun." He couldn't keep the disgust out of his tone. "What the hell is going on?"

Jay didn't understand this. Yates was leaving little notes for Erin, but targeting this Nellie Carr woman. What was his game here? Which one of them was he actually going after? What was the connection?

He dialed his girlfriend's number and sighed in relief when she answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?"

"At the station being babysat by Voight." He could hear her frustration. "What's going on?"

"We just found another note." He read to her what the paper said. "I know you hate that everyone is being so protective, but please just stay with Voight."

"I can't make any promises."

"Erin, I'm not going to lose you too. Please do what Voight wants."

"I'll see you back at the station." The call disconnected. He just prayed his girlfriend would see reason and stop trying to solve this on her own.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"You didn't put up Nadia's picture with all the other past victims. Nadia's not up there." Erin pointed out as she stared at the white board.

Sergeant Platt nodded her head. "Yeah, her name is up there, I-I thought maybe a photograph…"

"She should be up there with everybody else." Erin insisted.

"Absolutely. I'll fix it. I'm sorry." Sergeant Platt reassured her.

Erin nodded her head and exited the room. She went to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She leaned up against the door and took a few deep breaths.

This case was going to consume her. She could feel it already pulling at her weakening defenses. She had been trying so hard to accept Nadia's death, and right when she did, Yates decides to start playing games.

She slid her back down the wall next to the door and pulled her knees up to her chest. A few tears slid down her cheeks and she wiped them away angrily. She didn't get to cry. She was still alive and she was safe and it was her fault Nadia was dead anyway. It was probably for the best that Yates just take her and make her pay for what she had done to the girl who had trusted her.

The bathroom door opened and Erin held her breath, hoping that whoever it was didn't see her. She cursed herself for not locking the door as she came face to face with Ruzek.

"Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to come barging in." he started to exit, but then stopped. "You good?"

"Mmhmm." She nodded to try and reassure him because she didn't trust her voice.

Adam came into the bathroom and let the door shut behind him. He sat on the floor across from her.

"I don't know how you're going through this. I know that you lost your way a couple months ago, and that this would be enough to send anyone back over the edge. But Erin, you can't give him that power. Yates already took Nadia from us; he can't take you too."

And that's when Erin remembered that she wasn't the only one who lost Nadia. The rest of her team had loved the girl too, and they had already lost her. It wasn't fair for them to have to lose both Nadia and Erin.

She nodded her head. "Thanks, Adam."

He stood and offered her a hand. She took it gratefully because she knew she wouldn't be able to stand on her own with her injured leg.

"Don't worry. I won't mention the fact that I found you crying on the bathroom floor to Voight or Halstead."

She gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Sergeant, the front desk just called up. A package was delivered for Detective Lindsay by a homeless woman who ID'd Yates as the one who paid her to drop it off. It's a big box." Burgess announced as Erin begged Hank to let her at least try and figure out where Yates could be.

Voight nodded at the new information. "Alright, get out of the building." He pointed to Mouse. "Call the bomb squad." He turned to Erin. "Get everyone out of the building now. Let's go."

As everyone shuffled out of the station and into the snowy Chicago weather, Erin wondered what this box would hold. She wished it would be some big clue about where Yates was hiding out at, but she knew it was unlikely. It would probably just be another one of his games.

"We X-rayed it, it's not a bomb. Your people are safe." The leader of the bomb squad told Voight and the rest of his team. "But you're gonna want to check this out."

Erin was the first to move forward. "It's addressed to me." She knew that they would argue against her opening it, but she wasn't taking no for an answer. She took a knife from one of the officers next to her and slid it across the packaging tape. She wasn't sure what was inside, but she knew Hank and Jay were looking over her shoulders to try and tell.

She definitely wasn't expecting a bloody hand holding a note.

Erin put the knife down and reached inside.

"Erin, don't." Jay protested.

She didn't listen. It wasn't even a choice; she had to know what the note said. She read the note out loud:

 _Why don't you answer when your Mother calls?_

Right on cue, her phone rang.

"He knows she opened the box. He's here, watching." Commander Crowley announced. "Fan out, now! Go! Go!" Officers began to search the area.

"That means this morning, it wasn't Bunny who called, it was Yates." Erin informed her team.

"Just answer it." Hank commanded.

Erin answered the call and internally cringed at the sight of Yates' face.

"Detective Lindsay." He smiled his sickening smile. "Hey, do you know Nellie Carr?" he moved the phone back so she could see the redheaded woman. Erin could clearly see the fear in her face and she wondered what this psycho had already done to the poor woman. He continued to speak as she just watched Nellie and hoped that she was safe. "Do you…are those dark circles under your eyes? Couldn't sleep?"

"You've been keeping me busy. You have my attention now, what do you need?"

He laughed and she swallowed to keep the bile in her throat from rising. "Gosh, what do I need?"

"Did you want the concern of the city?" Erin questioned. "You got that. You wanted the whole district to sit up?" she moved her phone so he could see all of District 21 searching the surrounding area. "Look. See? You did all this." She moved the phone back to her face. "But you keep sending notes to _me_. So why don't you tell me where you are? I'll come to you."

"Uh, you know where I am." Yates said.

"Why don't you pretend I'm not that clever and tell me anyway?"

"And ruin all the fun?"

"Then tell me why you killed those four nurses when all you really wanted was Nellie."

"You are trying to get me to confess with witnesses present. You are recording me without my permission and questioning me without a lawyer present, shame on you, Detective."

"Okay. Okay. Then why me? Why are you leaving all the notes for me?"

"I've been thinking a lot about Cane and Able, you know? If they were the only descendants of Adam and Eve and Cane killed Able, well, you know what that means, don't you? We're all descendants of a murderer." Yates stared to laugh as Nellie began to cry even harder. "I will see you soon, Detective." He ended the call.

But Erin noticed something as he moved his phone out of the way. In the background, there was a picture that she knew very well.

Mouse lost the signal as Jay began to speak. "Mouse, how does he know where she is and what we've been doing?"

Mouse's eyes opened wide. "Your phone." He held his hand out to Erin. "Give me your phone." He started to mess around with it. "Detective Lindsay's phone…it's using 5 times the regular data. That means…"

"Spyware." Jay interrupted

"Okay, he's been listening in on conversations. He's probably been reading texts, emails, he can turn on the camera, and the card in the bullpen."

"But how would he have access to it? When?" Jay demanded as he turned to Erin.

She thought it over in her head. It hit her as she looked at Antonio. "When he went to the jail we had to surrender our phones."

"The corrupt guard." He realized.

"Give it to me." Erin said. Mouse gave her back her phone as she moved to the end of the video to the small glimpse she had caught of the familiar picture. She zoomed in on a picture of her and Nadia. "Guys, I know where he is, he's in my apartment. This picture is at my place."

"Let's go." Hank ordered as they all ran towards the building.

Erin couldn't believe he had gotten into her apartment. He had murdered Nadia, killed many others, and now, he was violating her personal space, which was also the last place Nadia had lived in her life?

She was starting to hope more and more that someone would kill Yates instead of returning him to prison.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay had been to Erin's apartment many times. While they primarily stayed at his apartment (it was easier than her dealing with all of the memories of Nadia that came with her place), they had spent their fair share of time at her apartment in the beginning of their relationship. But in all the times he had been there, he never had to check the area for any type of danger.

He led the team into the apartment and they fanned out to search for any sign of Yates or Nellie. As they gathered in Erin's bedroom, Atwater noticed a chair pushed against the closet door. He opened it up and revealed Nellie sitting on the floor.

"No, don't shoot! Please!" she cried out.

Jay looked behind Nellie at Erin's clothes and shoes and thought about what would happen if this was her. What if Yates had grabbed her instead of leaving notes and tied her up in her closet? Or worse, what if he did the same thing to her that he did to Nadia?

Jay didn't allow himself much time to think about Nadia. Erin brought her in and helped her change her life and he was grateful for that. Nadia was smart and determined, and she would have definitely been a great police officer. But after Nadia's death, Jay didn't worry as much about her as he did about Erin. Everything became about pulling Erin out of the hole she was digging for herself.

He missed Nadia. He missed her jokes and her laughter and her insistence that he and Erin get together. He missed when he would come over to Erin's for a beer and instead find the two women studying, or when they would turn on a game and have to explain everything to Nadia because she had never really watched sports.

He wouldn't mind if Yates somehow "accidentally" died. Jay couldn't stand that he had hurt Erin, or that he had taken Nadia away from all of them.

As the guys left the apartment with Nellie, Jay wondered what the angle was here. Why was Yates leading them on a pointless chase? What else was he planning?

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin couldn't believe the connection. Yates was Nellie's brother and he was getting revenge on his mother for giving him up for adoption by killing all of these women. He was starting to be less calculated, as if he knew he wasn't getting out of this alive and that scared Erin. Who knew what he was capable of?

She paced around the locker room as the rest of the guys got ready to go to Yates' childhood home. Voight walked in and she immediately started to present her case.

"I had him. In the woods, I had him. If I didn't stop for that little girl, if I kept moving through that cabin, those four nurses would be alive right now."

"Erin. Don't do this to yourself." Hank interrupted.

"That's reason number two." Erin went over to her locker, opened it, and smacked her hand against the picture of her and Nadia she had hanging inside. "That's reason number one."

Hank shook his head. "You're not going out, Erin."

"Why not?"

"This is exactly what he wants, to get in your head and throw you off your game."

"How can I be off my game if you won't even let me in it?" she demanded.

"And how am I supposed to put you out there? You can't even keep your cool with me."

Erin shut her mouth and took a deep breath. She stared at him in disbelief that he was even _considering_ not letting her go. "I wanna be the one to bring him in, Hank."

"You wanna be the one to get in a confrontation with him, that's not being good police."

"That is not where my head is at right now, you have my word."

"I don't believe you." She felt as if he had punched her in the stomach. "You're staying here." Hank walked away.

Erin slammed her locker door shut and fought the urge to hit it. _She_ should be the one out there. How could she respect Hank as her sergeant if he wouldn't even let her do her job?

She knew that she was emotionally invested in this, but that made it so much easier to do the right thing. She knew she had to catch Yates and not let him get away again.

She followed Hank down the stairs to where the guys were getting ready. She stopped next to Olivia to watch the rest of them.

"Look, for what it's worth, if I was your sergeant, I would have done the same thing." She touched Erin's shoulder. "We'll get him."

Erin nodded her head. As much as she wanted to go, she trusted all of them. She trusted that they wouldn't stop until they had Yates and they were bringing him in.

She watched as everyone grabbed their gear and headed out of the garage. As Jay went to exit, he turned to look at her. He gave her a small, reassuring nod and then shut the door. She hoped that the next time she saw them, they had Yates.

But as soon as she walked upstairs, everything changed. Nellie came running to her with her phone, saying that a number was calling saying it was her mother's, but her mom wasn't making any calls. Erin accepted the Face Time and saw Yates sitting with his father.

With Mouse's help, it didn't take long to figure out Yates' actual location. Erin quickly told him she would meet him.

"…but come alone or there will be another body to add to the list."

 _Nine dead already._

There was no way she could have said no.

He ended the call and Erin made eye contact with Mouse. He didn't speak, but they both knew that she was going to that house and she was going to bring Yates in.

She jumped in her car and raced towards the address. As she drove, Voight began to speak to her on her radio.

"Stand down, you are not going in alone! You hear me? That's an order."

"He's gonna kill Michael Williams if I don't show up."

"That's what he wants you to think."

"34th and Sangamon, Hank. His childhood home. I'm almost there."

"34th, I'm five minutes away. Erin, you are not meeting him alone, you hear me?" she shook her head even though he couldn't see her. "Erin!"

"You know I can't do that." She shut her radio off as she pulled up outside of the house.

Erin walked up the steps to the house with her gun and flashlight raised. As she got closer and closer, she only had one regret. She wished that she had talked to Jay.

She was confident that she could handle Yates and get him under control, but there was always the chance that things could go wrong. She wished she had said she loved him one more time, just in case.

Erin didn't realize she was holding her breath until she heard a noise upstairs and it all came out in one big _whoosh_. She took a second to calm herself down before heading over to the stairs. It only took her a second to find Yates standing behind Michael Williams, who had a rope tied around his neck and was sitting in a chair right on the edge of a large hole in the decaying floorboards.

"Detective Lindsay, so good to see you again." Yates greeted.

She braced herself with her gun raised and aimed directly for his chest. "Let him go."

"Well I could, but I am the only thing holding him up." He leaned the chair down to emphasize his point, causing Michael to cry out.

"Let me call an ambulance for him." She grabbed her phone from her pocket. "Then it'll be just you and me. Just like you wanted."

Yates shook his head. "He'll be dead long before they get here. Put that away."

Not wanting to test him, Erin stuck her phone back into her coat. Yates started to lean the chair forward.

"Stop, stop." Erin put her hands up. She tucked her gun into her holster, her hand trembling as she held onto the handle. "This is it."

"Have a seat."

Erin walked to the rocking chair that sat on one of the only secure parts of the floor. She hesitantly sat down; she didn't really want to, but she couldn't risk Michael's life. She couldn't have another person's blood on her hands.

"Jillian Hale was a nursing student, but what she really wanted to be was a surgeon." Yates began. "Helpers. Do you know who suffers the most? Helpers, because right up until that moment when you snap their neck, they really believe in the goodness of people." Erin made eye contact with Michael and she saw the fear in his eyes. He really didn't think he was getting out of here. To be honest, Erin wasn't sure if he was either.

"She thought that I would spare her because she was three months pregnant." Yates continued. "But that…that is why I _picked_ her. A pregnant nurse as my first victim…mmm. The symmetry. You did want this from the beginning, right Detective?" Erin felt sick to her stomach.

"And my first pair, ahhh, that…that was _electric_. Lisa and um, uh, Rebecca. They fought for each other so hard, but in the end," he started to push Michael's chair closer to the hole, "because, you know, you can keep a woman alive for _days_. Oh, suffering, it's such an underrated art, isn't it? But you know who suffered the most beautifully of them all?"

Erin knew what he was going to say before he even said it. She could have leapt forward and ripped his throat out.

Yates pulled out a picture of Erin and Nadia from his pocket. "Poor Nadia. Look! We are so similar. You and I, damaged by a terrible mother, a father who abandoned us when he could have saved us," he leaned Michael even closer to the hole, "and we tried to overcome, didn't we? To become healers. But turns out fixing people doesn't pave over what we're born with."

"Then what do you want?" Erin asked. "Why am I here?"

Yates turned his head to the side. "An execution always needs one thing. A witness." He shoved Michael's chair forward into the hole.

Erin jumped up, pulling her gun from her holster and aiming it at Yates. She fired.

"There's no saving people." Yates stated. She watched him pick up an icepick. "We're killers. And at the end of the day, what is more liberating than killing someone?" he pointed between his eyes. "Bad begets bad begets bad. And you, my lovely, you get to tell this story."

"Don't move, you hear me, stay where you are." Erin commanded as he moved closer and closer to her with his icepick raised.

"You write my name down in a police report, you talk to the press, you testify in court, singing the song of Gregory Williams Yates. Over and over and over."

He was so close now that she could almost reach out and touch him. "I said don't move."

"You put me away." Yates said. "Take me in. Take me. Take me!" he screamed and started to lunge forward.

Erin shot him before she even knew what happened. She felt all of the air leave her chest as she looked down through the hole where Yates' body laid. Her entire body shook as she stared at him.

Hank came into the room behind her and she turned to look at him, her mouth hanging open. She couldn't believe he was dead. Hank took her gun from her hand as she continued to stare down at Yates' body.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

As Jay arrived to Yates' childhood home, he didn't know what he would be walking into. He knew that Erin had gone alone and he knew she was okay from the information Voight had radioed to the rest of the team, but there were no other details.

Antonio put the car in park and Jay jumped out of the passenger's side door. He headed towards the house and saw Voight and Erin exiting at the same time.

He and Erin tried as hard as possible to be professional at work. Everyone knew about their relationship, but they were already both pretty private people, and then adding on the fact that they were partners, they didn't want to give anyone a reason to think their relationship would compromise their work. But right now, he didn't care about any of that.

She lifted her head up and they made eye contact. As they got closer, he could see that her hands were shaking and her face was pale. Once she was in his reach, he cupped her cheeks in his hands.

"How are you doing?"

She let out a shaky sigh. "I don't know." Erin moved his hands from her face and he started to prepare himself to argue with her on why she shouldn't push him away. But instead, she stepped forward into his arms and clung to him.

"It's okay." He reassured her. Jay pressed a kiss to the top of her head and held her tightly. He was grateful when he saw Voight and Antonio walk away.

"He's dead." Erin informed him. Her left ear was resting against his heart and he knew she was comforted by his steady heartbeat. He made sure to take even breaths so he didn't freak her out, even though he was worried about her.

"He deserves whatever he got."

"I shot him."

"You did what you had to do."

"He came at me first. He had an icepick. He said Nadia suffered the most out of all his victims."

Jay tightened his grip on her. "It's alright, Erin. It's over now. We got justice for Nadia."

Erin looked up at him and he saw the tears streaked down her cheeks. "Is it bad that I almost feel relieved that I was the one who killed him?"

"No, it's not bad at all." He put his hands on her shoulders and ran them down her arms until he could hold her hands. He squeezed them and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "You did what needed to be done, for Nadia and for anyone else Yates hurt or could have hurt. Killing someone is never easy, but it's okay. We'll get through this together."

"Can we just go home?" she questioned.

"Yeah, let's talk to Voight."

Jay wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they headed over to their sergeant. Voight turned to look at them.

"You good, Erin?"

"I'm okay. Do you need anything from us? Can we go?"

"Go ahead, and take the day off tomorrow. You too, Halstead. You better take care of our girl."

"I will, sir." Jay promised. "Call if you need anything."

The two of them headed over to Erin's car. She wordlessly got into the passenger's seat and Jay didn't ask any questions as he silently went to the driver's side. It was a quiet drive until she broke the silence.

"He told me the whole story about his life. About his victims, of how Nadia suffered 'the most beautifully'. He wanted to die. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I watched him hang his own father, so when he came after me with that icepick…I panicked, Jay. I put a bullet through his chest and I stared through the hole in the ground at his body and I wanted to cry. I was so happy that he was finally gone and that there would be no more worries about the entire thing. But most of all, I wondered if Nadia would have been proud of me. I wondered if she would have judged me for ending Yates' life when I could have handcuffed him and brought him down to the station."

"She would have been proud." Jay said. "Nadia adored you, Erin. She practically worshipped the ground you walked on. You could have killed her puppy and she probably would have thought you had a good reason. She definitely would have been proud that you took a serial killer off the streets."

Erin sniffled slightly, and then she let out a loud sob. Jay was happy they had gotten to the apartment because he knew she needed him right now. He turned the car off and went around to her side of the car. As Erin's body was wracked with sobs, he eased her out of the vehicle and helped her inside. He unlocked the door to the apartment and led her to the couch.

Jay hung up his and Erin's jackets and as soon as he sat down, Erin crawled over so she was straddling his lap. She buried her face in the spot between his neck and shoulder. She pressed one gentle kiss there before closing her eyes. Her body still shook from the shock of the events of the day and her tears. Jay ran his hands up her back and rocked gently from side to side.

"It's okay, baby. I've got you." He whispered. "Just let it all out."

He didn't know how long he had held her before she fell asleep. Once she finally did, Jay gently lifted her into his arms and carried her to their bedroom.

He laid her on the bed and removed her shoes and socks first. Her pants were relatively easy to take off next. Her shirt was a little harder, but he managed to maneuver it. He grabbed one of his t-shirts and slid it over her head before getting himself ready for bed.

When he was finally finished, Jay turned off the lights and crawled into bed next to his girlfriend. She turned and curled up to his side instantly.

"I love you." He told her. "Whatever you need me to do, I'm here."

"I love you too." Erin whispered back before falling back into her sleep. As Jay watched her, he knew what he said was true. He would do absolutely anything to make sure Erin got over this.

 **Next up… O: Out of Time**


	15. Out of Time

**Thank you all so much for the amount of reviews on the last chapter! 28 reviews is crazy! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad to see that people are enjoying the story!**

 **Sorry for the long wait for an update, I've been really busy lately! I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know your thoughts!**

 **O: Out of Time**

 _*When a case goes wrong and Erin ends up in the hands of criminals, no one knows how to react when they find her in an abandoned building with a bomb strapped to her chest. Despite being told by Voight to leave, Jay refuses to leave her side._

The Intelligence Unit was lined up outside of a building, waiting for the order from their sergeant that would allow them to breach. They had been working this case for over a week now and they were all ready for it to come to a close. They were dealing with a man who was setting explosives all around Chicago.

They had figured out that this was a building owned by a man named Owen Reynolds, who was their biggest suspect in the case.

Al tested to see if the door was rigged, but it came back negative. "It says negative, but there's no way to be one hundred percent sure."

Ruzek leaned down to the bottom of the door and slid a small device with a camera attached under the doorway. He moved it inside so he could look around. "I don't see anything."

"Alright, let's breach." Voight ordered.

Everyone took a deep breath, knowing that this could be the end. Jay lifted up his foot and kicked the door in. "CHICAGO PD!" he shouted out. He felt a hand on his shoulder and knew that it was Erin. A quick look to his right showed Antonio and Atwater, and a look to his left revealed Al and Ruzek.

"EVERYBODY TAKE COVER!" Antonio shouted right before bullets began to fly past them. Jay moved quickly to the left behind a stack of boxes.

He looked next to him, but Erin wasn't there. He quickly scanned the room, but it was getting harder and harder to see due to the fact that these criminals had thrown a smoke bomb towards them. He heard the rest of his team coughing, except for Erin. Everyone was returning gun fire and as each target was hit, the amount of bullets coming back at them was decreasing.

"Atwater's been shot!" Antonio called out.

"How bad?" he heard Hank scream back.

"Left leg!"

The last shooter was taken down right as the smoke started to clear from the room. Everyone came out into the open area. Jay took note of how surprised they all looked, besides Atwater who just looked like he was in a lot of pain.

"Where's Lindsay?" Ruzek questioned.

"I don't know; I didn't see her after they started shooting." Jay answered. He started to look around, praying that she hadn't been shot and killed.

Paramedics came in to assist Atwater as the rest of the team fanned out to search the building for Erin. But no one was able to find anything. It was like she had vanished.

"I don't understand what's going on here." Ruzek said. "Where could she have possibly gone?"

"Maybe she ran out the back door?" Al suggested.

"No, she wouldn't leave the rest of us behind." Hank sighed. "I don't know."

Jay tried calling her for what felt like the fiftieth time, but there was still no answer. Somehow, they had managed to lose their only female detective.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"I'm trying to trace her phone, but I'm not getting a location." Mouse informed the team as he frantically typed on his computer. "Guys, I need a little space."

Jay realized he was hovering, and when he looked over, he saw everyone else was trying as hard as they could to get a look at the computer screen.

"Everyone, get back to your desks. I want to know everything there is to know about Owen Reynolds. I want you to dig deeper. Find out if he has family who could be helping him or if there are any known gang associations. I'm assuming they have Erin and we need to get her back as soon as possible." Voight ordered. Al came up the stairs. "How's Atwater?"

"Bullet missed anything major, but he's going to be out for a couple days. He's being kept overnight at Med."

Jay felt his phone vibrate right as he sat down at his desk. He almost died in relief when he saw it was his girlfriend. "Guys, it's Erin."

He answered the FaceTime request and saw that Erin was unconscious on a concrete floor somewhere.

"Poor Detective Lindsay." A voice from behind the camera said. It turned and he recognized Owen Reynolds. "You are Jay Halstead, correct? Her boyfriend?"

"You better not get near her." Jay practically growled. Voight signaled for Mouse to track the call as he moved to stand beside Jay.

"I think I'm the one in position to be giving orders here." Owen smiled. "Now, what would I like in exchange for Detective Lindsay's life?"

"You are going to return her to us without her being harmed, do you understand me?" Voight asked.

"But you see, I'm going to need some incentive first. I want five million dollars."

Voight shook his head. "That's not going to happen."

"It is going to happen or your detective here will be killed." Owen leaned down and ran a hand across Erin's face. "She is gorgeous, you know. I see why you chose to be with her, Detective Halstead."

"Get off of her." Jay said through clenched teeth.

Owen laughed. "Do you see how much control I have?" he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Erin's forehead. "I can do whatever I want to her."

"When do you want the money?" Hank demanded.

"I knew you would see it my way. I want five million by midnight tonight. I will send you the location later on." The call ended.

"Did you get a location?" Jay questioned Mouse.

"No, he hung up before I could finish."

"It's a little after 6pm right now. How are we going to get five million in less than six hours?" Antonio wondered.

"I'll handle that. All of you, keep looking into Owen Reynolds. We're not going in blind again."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"I just got an address!" Mouse called out to the team. It was 11:00pm and they were all anxiously waiting for information. "It's thirty minutes away."

"Alright, everyone get to the cars! We're going in there and getting Erin back!" Hank shouted to his team. "Everyone goes home tonight!"

Jay didn't have a good feeling about this. They were going in without Erin or Atwater, so their normal seven-person team was now down to five. There was a bigger chance that things would go wrong than that they would go right, and the whole team seemed to be feeling it.

"Calm down, Halstead. I can feel your anxiety from here." Voight ordered. The two men were in one car together, followed by another car that contained Antonio, Al, and Ruzek.

"Sorry."

"We'll get her back. No matter what we have to do in there, we'll get her back." Voight stated.

"She was so vulnerable. He could hurt her however he wanted to." Jay shook his head. "I want to kill this man with my bare hands."

"Don't think about that. Just worry about getting to Erin."

The team arrived at an abandoned warehouse at 11:36pm. The five men assembled their weapons and got to the door of the building. Ruzek went to kick it in, but Jay stopped him.

"Remember who we're dealing with here. He's big on explosives."

After determining that there weren't any explosives attached to the door, Ruzek rammed into it with his shoulder. Nothing could have prepared them for what they saw next.

Erin was passed out in a chair in the center of the room with a bomb attached to her chest. Jay ran to her as the other four men cleared the rest of the warehouse. The first thing he did was press his fingers to her neck; he was relieved to feel a strong, steady pulse.

She started to move around as she woke up. Jay kept his hands on her cheeks and tried to get her to stay as still as possible; he didn't know what would trigger the bomb and he couldn't risk it going off.

"Jay?" her eyes opened and she made eye contact with him. "What happened?"

"Baby, I need you to stay still, okay? You're safe. We're here now." He could hear Antonio on the phone with the bomb squad, but he tried to pretend that wasn't happening.

"Why?" she looked down and saw the bomb strapped to her. Erin's eyes widened and he could see the panic. "Jay…"

"It's okay. We're going to get it off of you, alright? I need you to stay calm and stay still."

"Bomb squad will be here in fifteen minutes." Antonio announced. "How you doing, Linds?"

She smiled nervously and then looked back towards Jay. "Does it have a timer?"

Jay looked down at the bomb and tried to pretend that it wasn't attached to his girlfriend's chest. It only took him a few seconds to find the timer; the bomb was set to go off in twelve minutes.

"Get bomb squad on the phone and tell them we need them here faster." Jay called out.

"How much time is there?" Erin started to panic.

"Just focus on staying calm, okay?" Jay stroked her hair gently. "We're not gonna let anything happen to you."

"Halstead, how much time?" Voight demanded.

"Eleven minutes." Jay noticed that Erin's ankles and wrists were tied to the chair. "Let's cut her out of these ropes."

"No." Voight vetoed. "We need you to stay as still as possible, so we're going to keep you tied up, Erin. But as soon as bomb squad gets this thing defused, we'll let you out."

"I'm scared." She admitted.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright." Jay moved back and Voight put his hand on Erin's cheek. "We'll get this taken care of."

"You don't know that." She bit her bottom lip and both men could see that she was fighting back tears.

"Yes I do because we're not giving up on you, Erin."

"Mouse is tracking Owen Reynolds' phone." Antonio stated. "I'm gonna get Burgess and Roman on it."

"Good." Voight kissed the top of Erin's head. "Stay calm, kid. Al, come look at this."

Alvin walked over. He smiled at Erin before looking at the bomb. "I've seen one like it before. It shouldn't take long to defuse."

"Think you can do it?" Voight wondered.

"No." Jay stepped in. "We're not trained to do this. We can't risk her life. We should wait for bomb squad."

"When I was about your age, I was overseas and one of my buddies got stuck in a room with a bomb on the door. I disabled it in less than a minute and he walked out of there alive. I've done it before, Halstead. It's not my specialty, but I've done it before." Alvin said.

"Sarge, please." Jay practically begged.

"Erin, what do you think?" Voight asked.

"You don't think bomb squad will get here in time." She realized. "That's why you want to do it." Voight nodded. "If it's the only option, then what choice do we have?"

"Antonio, call them again. See when they'll be here." Jay pleaded. The older man dialed the number.

"How far out are you…alright…" he held the phone away from his ear. "They're twelve minutes out."

"Bomb goes off in nine minutes." Voight reminded him. "Put them on speaker, Antonio, and then get out of here."

"What?"

"Ruzek, go with him. That's an order."

"We're not leaving, Sarge." Antonio refused.

"I don't know how this is going to go down. It's hard enough having Erin in this situation. The whole team isn't going down." Voight turned to Jay. "You should go."

"Hell no." Jay went over to Erin and kissed her forehead. "You're going to have to drag me out of here to get me to leave her."

"Al, you good to do this?" Voight asked. "I can listen to directions if you want to go."

"Erin's been like a daughter to me since she was fifteen. You'll be dragging me out with Halstead."

"Alright, then it's settled." Voight turned to Antonio. "I don't know what you're still doing here."

"We're a team. I'm not leaving without my team."

Ruzek voiced his agreement. "Lindsay wouldn't leave us. We're not going anywhere."

"Everybody be quiet." Voight took Antonio's phone to speak to the sergeant of bomb squad. "I'm going to need you to walk us through this because it's going to go off before you get here."

Jay tuned out the conversation that was going on. He stood next to Erin and stroked her hair. "Close your eyes."

"No." she objected.

"You're going to stress yourself out by watching. Just close your eyes."

She looked at him. "I don't want you to stay."

"That's too bad."

"If something happens to me…"

"If something happens to you then I might as well be dead anyway. I'm not leaving, Erin. Now close your eyes." She took a deep breath and then shut her eyes. "What's something that you've always wanted to do?"

A tear slid down Erin's cheek. "Go to a beach."

"You've never been to the beach before?" Jay asked in surprise.

"Bunny didn't have enough money to feed us, let alone take us on vacation. And by the time I moved in with Hank and Camille, they were more worried about keeping Justin and me out of trouble than going to a beach. I've always wondered what the beach is like. It looks so beautiful in pictures."

"The sand is always really hot, unless you go at night or early in the morning. It burns your feet when you walk on it, and it gets into everything. When you go in the water, it's so open. When you're a kid, you feel invincible when you run into it. As I got older, I started to realize how dangerous it was, but it still didn't stop me. My parents took us on vacation once to Florida, I think I was 12 and Will was 13. We took out our rafts as far as we could get them and sat down and waited for the waves to crash on us. My mom almost had a heart attack because she was terrified we would get eaten by sharks or the current would pull us away, but Will and I had never had so much fun. You had to hold onto the rafts as tight as you could so you wouldn't lose them, but you wanted to make sure you held your nose when you went under or you would get blasted in the face with salt water. We'll go to the beach one day and I'll show you how much fun it is."

Erin opened her eyes. "You promise?"

"Of course I do." He smiled at her. She started to turn her head to see what Al and Voight were doing, but Jay put his fingers over her eyes to gently close them. "Have you ever been camping?"

"A couple times. When I was 17, Hank packed us all up and said we were going camping for the weekend. Justin was ecstatic, but Camille and I weren't too happy. He dragged us to some campsite and taught us how to set up a tent and build a fire and all that. It was so hot; Camille kept fanning herself with a magazine and yelling at Hank for dragging her out there."

Jay heard Voight laugh quietly. "She wasn't a fan of the outdoors."

"No, she hated the woods. On the second night we were there, Camille and I heard a noise from our tent."

"You shared with Camille?" Jay asked.

"I was 17 and Justin was 14; Hank didn't trust us to be alone in our own tent, which was unreasonable. But anyway, Camille and I were terrified and we were convinced someone was there to kill us, but it was just Hank and Justin scaring us."

"Sarge, I can't imagine you walking around a tent at night just to scare someone." Ruzek chimed in from behind Erin.

Hank smiled. "It was worth it."

"Hey Erin, you know what we all should do together sometime?" Antonio said. "Skydiving."

"No thanks." She responded.

Jay was grateful everyone was getting involved because he was starting to lose focus on keeping her distracted. Alvin and Voight were starting to look more and more worried, and a glance at the timer told him there was only three minutes left until the bomb would go off.

"I don't see what you're talking about." Al said as soon as the group got quiet. Erin's eyes opened as she turned to look at Jay.

"Jay…"

"You're okay, baby." He held her hand tightly in his and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "I can't wait until one day when all our kids can play together. Ours will be the most beautiful, obviously. Ruzek will man up and make things right with Burgess and they'll have their kids, and Antonio will bring Eva and Diego, and Atwater will find some unlucky girl to have a couple kids with and we'll have barbeques and picnics and campouts and all kinds of fun things. Our kids will grow up with a big family, even if they may not be biological."

Erin's tears started to fall a little faster. "If the bomb goes off…"

"The bomb isn't going to go off." Jay reassured her.

"But if it does, then I want you to know how much I love you. I want you to know how thankful I am for everything that you've done for me. I appreciate every time that you've had my back and listened to me rant and taken care of me. You're one of the best thing that's ever happened to me, Jay. I love you."

"I love you too." He leaned forward to kiss her lips. They held it for a few seconds, despite the fact that Jay knew everyone else was probably looking at them. When he pulled back, he kissed Erin's forehead and then moved back so he could see her face.

"Alright everyone, this is it." Al announced. He held the knife against one of the wires. The whole team stood around that chair, waiting to see what would happen. Jay squeezed Erin's hand as Al sliced through the wire.

The timer went off as the bomb was defused.

"Thank God." Voight sighed. "Let's get her out of this chair." He took the knife and cut the bomb from her first, then cut the ties around her wrists and ankles. As soon as she was free, Jay leaned forward and lifted her off of the chair. He hugged her as tight as he could. He felt the rest of the team patting his and Erin's shoulders, but all he could focus on was her.

He set Erin back on the ground and she hugged each member of the team and thanked them for staying by her. She went to Voight last and he kissed her forehead and promised he would never leave her, no matter what.

"You all should be proud of yourselves for putting your lives on the line for your partner. This unit is a family and I have never been happier to call myself your sergeant." Voight stated.

"Burgess and Roman got Reynolds." Antonio informed them as he looked at his phone.

"Let's make sure he knows we beat him." Voight led the way out of the warehouse.

Jay and Erin were the last to walk out. He grabbed her hand and stroked it gently with his thumb. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He could see how shaky he was, so he stopped her from walking any further. He wrapped both arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head.

"You're alright. I've got you." He kissed her temple. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He felt her body stop shaking as she hugged him back. As terrified as he had been, Jay knew she would be okay.

 **Next up… P: Panic Switch**


	16. Update

Thank you to everyone for reviewing and for correcting me on my terminology in the last chapter! I really appreciate it because I honestly had no idea what I was talking about when it came to the bomb.

This is not an update and I apologize for that, but my flash drive just crashed and I lost all of my files, including the one for this story. I was in the middle of writing "S" and now, I have to rewrite "P", "Q", and "R". I'm going to try and get it done as quickly as possible so I can get you an update, but I'm horrible at keeping the same amount of detail when I'm rewriting something. I should have it rewritten sometime in the next week, but I didn't want to just leave you all hanging without any type of update on what's going on.

Please let me know if there's anything you want to see in the second round of ABC's where Erin and Jay have children, because as of now, I have absolutely nothing planned and I can try and fit in whatever you would like to see!

 **Up Next… P: Panic Switch!**


	17. Panic Switch

**Sorry this took so long! I've been really busy with work and getting everything ready to start back at school and I didn't have much time to write. Just a warning now, this hasn't been edited so let me know if there are any major mistakes. Please review and I'll try to get the next chapter out quicker! Thank you for your patience!**

 **P: Panic Switch**

 _*Jay believes that every time things get too real for Erin, or something happens that she isn't expecting, she hits a panic switch. She needs to be in total control or her life is thrown completely out of order._

Somehow before he even opened his eyes, Jay knew that she wasn't there. She had been restless all night and he could tell that she was dying to jump out of bed the whole time he was trying to fall asleep. That was the trouble with dating a woman who was too hard on herself; if she had one negative thought on her mind, she couldn't do anything but fixate on it.

There were a lot of things he knew about Erin, but still many things that he didn't know, like dates that were important to her. She had lost many people in her life, and he knew that she got particularly upset around the anniversaries of deaths. It could be something like that, but he wouldn't be surprised if it were something smaller that she was worrying about.

Jay glanced over at the clock and saw that it was a little after 4am. He hauled himself out of bed and stood up. He stretched his arms over his head as he walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. No sign of Erin there, so he checked the kitchen next, but it was empty. He went back to the bathroom and saw her sitting on the closed toilet lid with her knees drawn up to her chest.

He sat down on the floor across from the toilet with his back against the wall. Erin kept her gaze on her toes.

"You okay?" he asked hesitantly. He always struggled to find the right words in these situations.

She looked up at him and he could see how watery her eyes were. She smiled in an attempt to look less upset. "Well, I might be pregnant."

Jay took a deep breath. "Why do you think that?"

"I'm late on my period."

"How late?"

"Almost a week."

"Stress can affect it, right? We've been working a lot of rough cases lately and you haven't been sleeping very well. Maybe it's just that."

Erin let out a shuddery breath. "I'm never late."

He nodded his head to show that he was acknowledging what she said. "Have you taken a test yet?"

"No and I don't want to."

"Why?"

She hugged her knees to her chest a little tighter. "Because then it's real."

"If you're pregnant, then it's already real."

"I'm not ready to stop working."

Jay reached out and put a hand on her leg. "I know that you're scared, but we need to know so that if you are, we can do what needs to be done."

She frowned. "What do you mean? I'm not getting an abortion."

He was dumbfounded for a few seconds. "An abortion? Who said anything about an abortion?"

Erin's gaze immediately went to her toes. A memory from her past was creeping in again. He wondered if this was one that she would share with him.

"What happened, Erin?"

She bit her lip. "When I was younger, I thought I was pregnant. The guy I was dating at the time told me that I had to get an abortion or he would give me one for free." She summarized quickly.

Usually, Jay gave her space during one of her moments. But he couldn't hold himself back. He reached out and pulled her over until she was sitting on his lap.

"I would never, ever ask you to get an abortion or threaten you like that. We're going to have kids eventually, so even though we didn't plan it, we're keeping the baby if you're pregnant. I would never make you do something you don't want to do, baby."

"I know." She leaned into him. "I'm scared."

"No matter what, we'll be okay."

"I don't want to stop working."

"You won't have to. You can help out with interrogations and paperwork and all that. I know it's not very fun, but it would only be temporary until the baby was born and you were good to get out there again."

"I guess you're right." She leaned her head against his chest.

"You wanna lay back down for a little bit? We still have about two hours before we have to get up." Erin nodded her head, so Jay lifted her up and carried her back into the bedroom. He set her down on the bed and waited for her to crawl under the blanket before he did the same. "No matter what happens, I'm here, Erin. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know." She said before snuggling close to him.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When the alarm went off, Jay woke up startled. Erin was sitting up next to him and by the scowl on her face, he could see that she wasn't happy to be getting up. He remembered their conversation from earlier and couldn't help but wonder.

What if Erin was pregnant? In the beginning of their relationship, he hadn't really thought about marriage or kids; he was just happy to be with her. But with every day that passed, he became more and more sure that he wanted a future with her. He wanted to give her a big wedding, even though she would pretend it wasn't what she wanted. He wanted to take her on vacations to places she had never been. He wanted to take care of their babies together. He wanted everything.

The problem was, Erin wouldn't let herself think that way. Jay knew that she wanted all of those things, too. They had had many discussions about their future together and Erin always mentioned children. But he knew that once they were actually faced with a pregnancy, she would freak out. It was in her nature and he was prepared to help her work through it. He was one hundred percent confident that by the time their son or daughter arrived, Erin would be ready.

Even though they had wanted to get married first and be completely settled in with their lives, Jay wouldn't mind if a baby interrupted their plans.

He quickly got dressed, noticing the way Erin barely responded to his 'good morning' or his attempts to make eye contact. He would bet his life that she hadn't slept at all since the first time they woke up this morning because she was so busy stressing herself out about everything.

He went about his normal routine and gave her space. When she finally emerged from the bedroom, he offered her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." Erin mumbled. She reached out and took the coffee. When Jay tried to touch her, she moved back. "I'm sorry, I just need to think right now."

"Okay." It hurt that she had rejected him, but he wasn't surprised.

They both gathered what they needed for the day and exited the apartment. The elevator ride was painfully silent as both Jay and Erin were lost in their own thoughts.

It took about twenty minutes to get to the district. Jay let Erin walk ahead of him. He studied her demeanor and could tell how disconnected she was from everything. As they walked in to the bullpen, he was glad to see that everyone else was distracted from Erin's less than cheery behavior.

As Voight briefed them on the updates to their case, Jay watched his partner's facial expressions. She seemed interested in what Voight was saying, but he could tell it was an act by the glossy look of her eyes.

"Alright everyone, suit up."

The team went to the locker rooms and began to put on their bulletproof vests. Jay went over to Erin with his, just like every other time. He reached out to do hers first and realization hit him.

He could be fastening Erin's vest so that it would protect their child.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he wondered.

Erin nodded her head. "I'll be fine."

Jay chose not to argue with her. He didn't necessarily agree, but at this point, they didn't know if Erin was even pregnant. He knew that she would do everything to protect herself and he would have her back.

The car was silent as they drove quickly to their destination. As they pulled up and the team got together, everyone evaluated the situation.

"Atwater, Al, go around back." Voight commanded. The team started towards the building.

Before Jay even realized what was happening, he was on the ground. He heard a ringing in his ears and one look around showed that the building had blown up. He saw that the rest of the team looked just as disoriented.

That's when the bullets started. At the same time, Jay remembered what could be going on with Erin and he flipped out a little. He took a few deep breaths to keep himself calm and focused on the mission at hand.

Step 1: Take down the shooter.

Step 2: Find out if Erin's pregnant.

He hauled himself up to his feet. It only took a few seconds for him to take down a shooter from an upstairs window across the street.

"Everyone good?" Voight yelled. Luckily, no one had been hit in the ambush.

Jay looked at Erin and saw the deer caught in headlights look on her face. He knew that it had finally hit her that she needed to know for sure if she was pregnant or not.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"I hate this." Erin muttered as she paced around the bedroom, pregnancy tests in hand. Jay sat on the edge of the bed, both of his hands placed on his legs. He had been watching Erin pace for the past two minutes now, and it would be another minute before they had the results. They had stopped and gotten a couple tests as soon as their shift had ended.

"Sit down." Jay said gently. "I wanna talk for a second."

Erin sat down next to him, but kept a few inches between them. She bit into her bottom lip and waited for him to talk. "You don't want to be involved, do you?"

"What?" Jay shook his head, trying to figure out where that thought had even come from. "No. If you're pregnant, there is nothing in this world that you can do to keep me away from you or this baby. I want to talk about what we're gonna do about you working. After today, I don't think you should be out in the field."

Erin looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry for assuming."

"It's okay." He reassured her. He grabbed her hand in his own and squeezed it.

"I agree with you though. When I hit the ground, I remembered that there might be a baby inside of me. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I killed your baby, Jay."

" _Our_ baby." He corrected. "Part of you and part of me. This little one would be perfect. Erin, we have nothing to be scared of. We have talked about having kids before. This is just the future coming to us a little sooner than we expected. It'll be okay." The timer on his phone started to beep. "I love you."

"I love you too." Erin looked down at the tests. "I'm not pregnant."

Jay felt a small rush of disappointment flow through him that he wasn't expecting. "How do you feel?"

"I thought that I would be happy, but I don't know. I'm a little disappointed."

"Me too." He admitted. "But let's try and stick with our original plan. Let's get everything else settled first and then we'll have kids. We'll start being more careful." He kissed her. "Everything is okay."

Erin nodded her head and repeated his words. "Everything is okay."

Even though he could see that she was kind of conflicted with her feelings on the pregnancy scare, he knew she believed those words. Everything would be just fine between them and they would have a baby when they were ready.

 **Next Up…Q: Quiet**


	18. Quiet

**Sorry for the wait, I just started back at college and I'm still adjusting to my new school schedule and all the homework that comes with it, so it's a little hard to fit in time to write. I'm hoping to try and finish this story as soon as possible so that I can get to the next set of A-Z. Let me know what you think about this chapter!**

 **Also, this chapter is based off the season 3 finale "Start Digging" where Justin dies. There are now some inconsistencies in this story because in "F-Found Not Lost", Erin is at Thanksgiving with 2-year-old Daniel and Justin, but in this chapter, Justin dies while Daniel is only 1. I'm not really sure what to do about this because I want to follow the timeline of the story, but I've already written that chapter. Eventually, I may go back and change it, but for now, it's just going to be off since at the time "Found Not Lost" was written, Justin was still alive.**

 **Q: Quiet**

 _*Jay loves to hear Erin sing under her breath, laugh, or talk about something she loves. But he learns a lot about her when she is quiet. Based on the episode 3x23 "Start Digging"._

Erin had a habit of talking when she was nervous, or when she was trying to avoid something. She would go on and on about a random subject, throwing in every little detail she could possibly think of to distract herself from what was really on her mind. Most of the time, Jay let her talk when she wanted to. It was what she _didn't_ say that he heard the loudest. It was when she wouldn't talk about something that he knew that what was on her mind was really getting to her.

She liked to joke around and laugh. She and Jay could go back and forth teasing each other for hours. He loved the sound of her raspy laugh, and it always made him laugh when he was able to make her laugh.

When Erin talked about something she loved, her eyes would light up and her voice would get louder. Her hands would start to fly as she talked and she would get more and more animated. Jay loved to watch. Most of the time, it was when she was passionate about a case, or talking about her nephew Daniel. He couldn't help but wonder if she looked like that when she talked about him to other people.

Erin wasn't really the singing type, but when she was in a really good mood, she would sing under her breath on the way to work. She wasn't always on key, but she wasn't bad either and Jay would just stare out the window and listen.

She wasn't quiet nearly as often as she talked. It wasn't that she would talk endlessly for hours and hours, but Jay could always speak to her and get a response. If she gave him a dry answer or tried to deflect, it almost always had to do with her past. But they were working on it. Erin was opening up to him so much more and he loved every second of it.

When they first got the news that Justin Voight, the man who was practically Erin's younger brother, had been shot in the head, Jay had been expecting Erin to shut down. She didn't deal well with grief, as shown by what happened with Nadia. She spent most of the day in an almost dazed state. He left it alone; he would talk about it with her once they were in private and she could share all of her feelings with him.

Then, they got the news that Justin was brain dead. Jay hadn't heard that conversation, but he knew something was wrong the minute he saw his partner's face. Erin stood at the edge of her desk, her face frozen in a blank stare, her mouth slightly open. He could see that she was struggling.

Jay looked over and saw that Alvin's eyes were also trained on Erin. Both of them were waiting on her to crack, but she never did. He hadn't seen her cry at all today; she had come close when he overheard her begging Voight not to do anything crazy because he's got a grandson now, but he she hadn't actually done it.

The door to Voight's office opened and he walked right past all of their desks. Jay glanced at him, then looked back to Erin. Her eyes were practically glued to the closest thing she had to a father. But Voight didn't even make eye contact with her. He turned, gave them all a quick once over, then went down the stairs and out of the bullpen.

Jay couldn't help but think that it wasn't fair. Voight had been pretty much dodging Erin all day. He wanted nothing more than to pull Erin into his arms and tell her it would be okay, but he knew that she needed Hank more than him right now. He understood that the man was losing his son, but he didn't seem at all concerned with the woman he considered to be his daughter.

Erin sat down in her chair and he watched her focus move to her desk. Right as Jay went to stand and go to her, Mouse called him over. He sighed and went to his friend's desk. The best thing to do right now was to solve this case. That was the only way to end this nightmare.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Hey, I'm two minutes out." Erin said as soon as she picked up the phone.

"Bingham's not here. No one's here. Not for a while." Jay told her as he looked around the empty house. Voight had given them this address with strict instructions that the first two to arrive were supposed to breech, but the place was abandoned.

"Is Voight there?"

"Not yet." He waited for her response. "Erin?" he heard the screeching of tires. "Erin?" the call ended.

Jay looked around the room. Antonio, Atwater, and Ruzek looked just as confused as he did. But when he looked at Alvin, he saw a strange look on the older man's face.

"Let's get back to the district." Al told the rest of the team.

"What about Bingham?" Atwater wondered.

"Do you see him?"

"Why would Voight give us the wrong address?" Ruzek asked.

Antonio shook his head. "Do you really need to ask that question?"

The five men returned to their cars and drove back to the station. Jay ignored the sick feeling in his stomach as he imagined what was going down between Voight and Bingham right now. He understood that Justin was Voight's son, but he believed that Bingham deserved to rot in a prison cell.

They pulled back up to the district and went into the garage. Alvin looked at the four younger men. "Well, that's that then."

"How can you just be okay with this?" Antonio demanded.

"It's his son, Antonio." Alvin started to take off his bulletproof vest.

Jay's back was to the garage door, but he saw the headlights shine against the wall in front of him. He didn't bother to turn around as he took off his vest and put down his weapons.

"You okay, Linds?" he heard Ruzek ask.

At that, he turned around. Erin walked into the garage, soaking wet from head to toe. She had a blank look in her eyes as she got closer to them.

"Erin?" Antonio called out.

Jay dropped his vest on the ground and went to her. "Erin, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" he put his hands on her shoulders and looked her over for any obvious injuries. He didn't see any.

Her hair was matted to her face from the rain and from her own tears. Her shoes were covered in mud and his hands were cold just from touching her shoulders. Even if she was alright physically, she was _not_ okay.

Jay quickly got to work with taking off her vest. He let it drop to the ground, then took her gun off of her waist. Antonio was by his side in a second and taking it from his hand.

"Erin, what's going on?" Antonio tried.

Erin's gaze moved from the floor to Antonio's face. She looked at him for a second, then to Jay. She practically collapsed in her boyfriend's arms as she clung to him.

"I've got you, baby. It's okay." He whispered into her hair. He pulled the hat off of her head and let that drop to the floor too. "Let's go to the locker room." Jay leaned down and lifted her up. Ruzek opened up the door and he carried her to the locker room.

Jay set her down on the bench. He untied her boots and took them off her feet. When he saw the mud, he realized that she must have been wherever Hank was.

Next to go was her coat, followed by her t-shirt and jeans. Jay dug through her locker and found a pair of her sweatpants and a sweatshirt of his that she could put on. He helped her get dressed.

"I thought I could get him to stop." Erin's voice was quiet. "I begged him not to…"

"It's okay." Jay told her. He tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her forehead.

Erin's eyes welled up with tears. "He made him dig his own grave." Jay's stomach clenched at the visual. He pulled Erin into his arms and she immediately clung to him. "Justin…" she couldn't say anything else because she broke out into sobs.

Jay moved to where Erin was sitting on his lap. He held her close to him, but didn't say anything. He knew there was nothing in the world that he could say right now to make her feel better.

He didn't know how long they had sat there in silence, but he was thankful for the rest of the Intelligence Unit for giving them their privacy. After a while, Erin lifted her head up to look at him.

"Will you go to the hospital with me?"

"Of course." Jay kissed the tip of her nose. "Let's get out of here, yeah?"

Erin nodded her head, so they grabbed their stuff and started to stand. As soon as Erin saw her muddy boots, her eyes shut.

Jay leaned down and grabbed them from her hands. He carried them over to the sink and quickly got to work at cleaning them off for her. He knew that it wouldn't get rid of the association with them, but at least she wouldn't see it every time she stared at them.

"I need to go to my apartment first." Erin muttered.

"Okay."

The two of them went up to the bullpen to grab the rest of their things. They both figured that the paperwork could wait until tomorrow, so they completely ignored that. The only one upstairs was Alvin.

"Erin, you call me if you need anything, okay?" he came over and hugged her.

"Have you talked to Hank?" she asked. Alvin shook his head. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jay guided her out of the district and they got into her car. She took the driver's seat and he wasn't surprised; she needed to be in control of _something_ that happened that night.

They went back to her apartment and took a quick shower together and changed into clean clothes. As Jay finished changing, he glanced into the bathroom to see how close Erin was to being ready.

He saw her standing in front of the sink and staring at herself in the mirror. Her bottom lip was trembling and her eyes were tearing up. He watched as she took a deep breath to compose herself and then turned to come into the room. He acted like he hadn't seen her.

"Ready?"

"Mmhmm."

The drive to Chicago Med was quiet. Jay didn't know Justin very well, so he didn't really have any stories to bring up, and Erin seemed too lost in her own thoughts to talk anyway. They parked the car and went inside.

Jay felt Erin link her hand with his and he already felt a little bit better. She was leaning on him, which was a much bigger improvement from what happened with Nadia. He squeezed her hand and she lead him over to Justin's room.

The first person Jay saw was Olive. She was sitting in a chair outside of the room with her sleeping son in her arms. She stood when she saw them approach.

"Hey." She greeted quietly. Erin hugged her, careful of Daniel. "You guys didn't have to come…"

"We wanted to." Erin told her. Jay saw her focus was drifting between Justin and Olive. "Is Hank here?"

"He was here earlier, but I haven't seen him since. He already said goodbye." Olive shook her head. "I can't believe any of this happened. He was so happy on Daniel's birthday and now he's in a hospital bed…"

"Hey, it's gonna be alright." Erin lead Olive over to the chairs in front of Justin's room. "You know if you ever need anything, you've still got me. We're family."

Olive nodded as tears poured down her cheeks. "Thank you." She looked to Jay. "Thank you for coming, Detective Halstead."

"You can call me Jay." He told her as he sat in the chair next to Erin. He had only met Olive a few times so he didn't know her very well, but he knew that Erin really liked her. "I'm here too if you ever need something. The whole Intelligence Unit is."

"Thank you."

Jay could see the way she was fidgeting as she held her son. Erin must have noticed too. "Do you want me to watch Daniel for a little while? You could go grab a cup of coffee or sit with Justin or do whatever. Just so you could have a little break."

"Would you mind?" Olive passed the baby over to Erin. "I just need a little time to process, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. If you want, I can take him home with me. He can stay the night so you can be here."

"Really?" Olive looked relieved. "I don't want him to have to stay in a hospital."

"Yeah, no problem. I love spending time with my nephew." Erin kissed his forehead.

"Okay. I'm gonna go grab his car seat from my car and he's got a couple changes of clothes in there. I'll be right back." Olive excused herself.

Jay could tell even without Erin saying it that she was trying to be useful. She wanted to help Olive, but she also wanted to distract herself.

Erin stood up. "Will you go in with me?"

"Yeah." Jay followed her into the room. Her pace slowed as soon as she entered the door.

Erin had Daniel in her arms and he was held close to her chest. Jay noticed her grip on the baby unconsciously tighten.

"You want me to take him?" he offered.

"Mmhmm." Erin gave him the baby and it took Jay a second to adjust him in his arms. She went over and sat in the chair next to Justin's bed.

Jay stood back near the door and watched his girlfriend. He could see that she was struggling to keep it together. This was the first time she had seen him with all of the tubes and wires and Jay imagined it was a little overwhelming; he was overwhelmed and he hadn't grown up with the boy since he was a teenager.

"Hey Justin." She said, reaching out and running the back of her hand down his cheek gently. "We both know I'm probably gonna cry so don't make fun of me, okay?" She held his hand. "God, I don't even know what to say. This isn't supposed to happen. You are way too young to be laying in this hospital bed. I never imagined that I would have to say goodbye to you, but you got hurt helping someone, which doesn't surprise me at all.

"I'll never forget when I was sixteen and you learned that I never knew how to ride a bike. You thought that it was a basic thing that everyone should know, but my parents had never cared enough to teach me. So you made me go outside and we rode your bike up and down the street for _hours_. I fell so many times and I was so scraped up that your mom came out and yelled at you to stop, but you told her that I needed to know how to ride a bike because what if I had a kid one day and they needed to know. I promise you that I'll teach Daniel how to ride his bike, okay? I'll be there for him, and for Olive, and for your dad. I'll watch out for all of them and take care of them, just like you would have. Just like you've always taken care of me."

Jay heard Erin's voice start to get shakier and he knew that she was going to cry. He watched as she stood up and kissed Justin's forehead.

"You were the best little brother I ever could have asked for. You could have given me such a hard time when I came to live with you guys, but you just accepted me as your sister. You didn't even hesitate to consider me a part of your family, no matter how difficult I was in the beginning." She squeezed his hand. "I love you so much, Justin. Say hi to your mom for me, okay?"

Erin stood from her chair. She kissed Justin's cheek and leaned down to hug him one last time. She stepped away from him and made eye contact with Jay, who knew what she was trying to silently tell him. He walked out of the room and she followed.

Erin sat down in the chair outside of his room again and held her head in her hands. Jay sat next to her. He held Daniel in his right arm and rubbed Erin's back with his left hand. He could feel just how tense she was.

"Here's his stuff." Olive came over and set down Daniel's car seat and diaper bag. "Did you go inside?"

"Mmhmm." Erin answered.

Olive went over and hugged her. "He loved you so much, you know. He always talked about how Daniel was so lucky to have you as his aunt, and how he hoped that one day, we would have a little girl that would be just like her Aunt Erin." Realization seemed to dawn on Olive that she and Justin would never have another child because she completely broke down after that.

Jay let Erin and Olive hug and talk and comfort each other while he took care of Daniel so they didn't have to. He knew that this was a rough time and they needed to help each other heal. He just wondered where Voight was.

"I'm gonna take him in to say goodbye." Olive stated. She took Daniel from Jay's arms and brought him into Justin's room. The two detectives watched as she placed her son on his father's chest, then sat back down to give the tiny family some privacy.

"Are you alright?" Jay asked.

Erin leaned over so she could rest her head on Jay's shoulder. "I just want to sleep."

"We can once we get home, okay? It's almost time."

"I can't believe he's gone."

They sat in silence until Olive came back out a little while later. She buckled her son into his car seat. "Thank you guys so much for taking him. I just don't want him here when the machines get taken out."

"It's no problem. Anything for family." Jay told her. He reached down and grabbed the car seat. "You ready to go, Erin?"

She walked into the room again and leaned down to kiss Justin's forehead. "I love you, Justin." She hugged Olive, making her promise to call if she needed anything, then grabbed Daniel's diaper bag. The three of them exited the hospital.

Jay drove home in silence, knowing that Erin probably had a lot on her mind right now. He was surprised that she spoke.

"He never came."

It didn't take rocket science for him to figure out that she meant Voight. "Maybe he went to get some sleep first."

"He'll never forgive himself if he misses them taking him off life support."

"Olive said that he already said goodbye."

"What if he got arrested?"

"Someone would have called us." Jay grabbed her hand. "Calm down, okay? He's just dealing with this in his own way. He'll come around."

They got to the apartment a couple minutes later and went inside. Jay glanced at the clock and saw that it was already after 3am. He was glad that Daniel slept through the night because he wasn't sure he or Erin could handle getting up in a couple hours.

Erin unbuckled Daniel from his car seat and got him settled into the pack n play that they kept at the apartment for when he would come over. Luckily, the little boy stayed asleep. Jay watched her climb into bed and almost immediately pass out from exhaustion.

He knew that this road was far from over. He knew that Erin had witnessed the man she considers her father basically murder someone tonight, and that her surrogate brother would be dead by the time they woke up. But he also knew that she was strong enough to handle this.

 **Up Next…R: Rain**


	19. Rain

**Thank you for reviewing the last chapter! This one is a little short, but I wanted to add in a little memory about Teddy. He'll probably make an actual appearance a little later on in the story. Please review and let me know what you think!**

 **R: Rain**

 _*Jay has never met someone who loves the rain as much as Erin Lindsay._

Jay came in the door from, shutting and locking it behind him. He unclipped his badge and gun from his belt and set them down on the counter top, then pulled his boots off. He saw Erin's boots thrown on the ground, so he knew she was here somewhere. She had gotten off earlier than him and gone straight home while he chose to go out for a drink with Mouse instead.

"Babe?" he called out. He didn't hear an answer.

He went to the bedroom, but didn't see her there either. He decided to change his clothes while he was there. It was pouring down rain outside and he was pretty wet, so he needed to change anyway. He threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

That's when it dawned on him that it was raining. He realized where she was.

Jay went into the dining room and over to the window that opened up to the fire escape. He found Erin sitting out on the cold, metal floor. She looked up at him with a small smile.

"Hey." He greeted. He climbed out of the window and sat down next to her. She scooted closer to him and he put his arm around her. He could feel how cold and wet she was from the rain, but she didn't seem to mind. She just snuggled into him.

"Hi. How was hanging out with Mouse?"

"Good. It's been awhile."

"We should have him over for dinner one day."

Jay raised an eyebrow at her. "Is that an excuse to try and get me to make some homemade food?"

Erin smiled. "Maybe."

Jay pressed a kiss to the side of her head. He could see that faraway look in her eyes that she got when she was thinking about something. He didn't want to push her, but he knew that it usually helped her to talk about it.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Rain." She sighed. "I don't have that many happy memories from being a kid. A lot of the time, I was trying to protect myself and Teddy from Bunny and whatever guy she had over that week. We only had a couple of toys; there was a Dr. Seuss book that we knew so well we could read it by heart, a teddy bear that I had gotten in kindergarten and given to Teddy when he was born, and a toy truck that we found out a playground one day. That was all we had and we did the best with it, but we got bored pretty easily.

"Bunny worked at the bar most nights, so she would leave a little after we got home from school. It was my responsibility to make sure that we both had our homework done, we had dinner, showered, and that the apartment was clean. Teddy and I are three years apart, so I can remember when he was five and I was eight, we were coming home from school one day and I could tell that it was going to storm. It was about a fifteen-minute walk to and from school.

"When we got closer to the apartment, it started raining and I can still remember how happy Teddy was. He ran around and jumped in all the puddles and splashed around, and at first I was upset because I knew I would have to clean all of his clothes and dry his shoes out. But then I gave in and started playing with him too and we stood out in that storm for over an hour and it was so much more fun than playing with our three little toys could have ever been."

Jay just kissed the top of her head and held her closer. He knew there wasn't really anything to say to make her feel better about her childhood.

"The rain just makes me feel so safe. It looks the same no matter where you are."

He got an idea. "Do you wanna play in it?"

She looked at him. "What?"

"Come on, let's go play."

Erin smiled and stood. Jay grabbed her hand and led her back into the apartment. They got onto the elevator and went downstairs. They went out in front of the building and out into the downpour.

Jay watched as Erin walked forward, her arms stretched out to her sides as she turned her face up towards the clouds. Her eyes were closed and she stood still for a few seconds. He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and spun her around. She laughed loudly.

They spent the next half an hour in the rain, spinning, jumping, and dancing with each other. Jay absolutely adored the smile that was on her face. Finally, he dragged her back inside.

"I'm freezing." She mumbled once they got back into the elevator.

Jay hugged her and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. She practically melted into him.

"Thank you." She said, resting her head against his chest.

He kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too." The door dinged, signaling that they were back on their floor. The two of them went back to their apartment and immediately stripped off all of their clothes.

Erin went running towards the shower as Jay threw all of their dripping wet clothes into the washer. He went to the bathroom when he was done and peeled back the shower curtain. He slid in next to Erin and leaned down to quickly kiss her lips.

"Thank you for talking about Teddy with me today. I love when you talk about your past with me. Every little piece of your past has made you who you are today and I would never change the person that you are."

"Thanks for listening. I know I can get a little depressing at times and that sometimes, it's hard to get me to talk about things, but I always feel better once I do." She leaned into him and he held her as they stood under the warm spray of the shower water.

They took a long time to get clean, spending most of the time just holding each other and exchanging lazy kisses. Jay wouldn't have had it any other way.

Once they were finally finished, Jay passed Erin a pair of underwear and one of his t-shirts. He threw on a pair of boxers and they climbed into bed. They slid under the blankets, Jay pulled her close to him. He played with her still damp hair until she finally drifted off to sleep.

To normal people, the rain may not have been a big deal. But to Erin, it was one of her most important childhood memories. It was one of her only happy memories. Because of that, Jay would always do what he could to make sure Erin played in the rain every now and again.

 **Up Next…S: Sick**


	20. Sick

**Thank you for reviewing the last chapter! I've got a quick question for you all. For the second set of A-Z, do you think that I should just add it on to this story, or make it its own story? Let me know!**

 **S: Sick**

 _*When Erin gets sick, Jay doesn't even think about the fact that she's contagious or that he's going to be dangerously close to being vomited on. He just needs to know she's okay._

It was always guaranteed that when the guys came over to watch the Blackhawks game, there would be a lot of beer, a lot of food, and a lot of yelling. Usually, the location rotated and tonight, it was Erin and Jay's turn to host the party.

Jay didn't think much about the fact that it was taking Erin a little bit longer than usual to get ready. He just started dumping bags of chips into bowls and setting them on the coffee table for easy access during the game. He turned the TV onto the right channel and glanced at the clock; there was still about ten minutes before anyone would arrive.

"Snacks are out." He stated as he walked into the bedroom. He was surprised to see Erin on the bed. She was dressed in only a V-neck and a pair of underwear and was fast asleep on top of the blankets. She looked as if she had fallen asleep while she was trying to get ready.

He shook his head at her with a small smile. She hadn't slept well the night before and they had had a rough day at work today. He and Erin had to chase their guy down and it ended in a shoot off. He wasn't surprised that she was exhausted.

"Erin." Jay sat down next to her and gently shook her shoulder. "Baby, wake up."

"Huh?" Erin jolted awake. She looked confused for a second.

"You fell asleep getting dressed." He said in amusement.

"I was just resting my eyes." She informed him.

"Oh really? I heard you snoring."

She punched his arm. "I don't snore!"

"Sure…"

"I don't!" Erin pulled on her jeans. She stretched her arms over her head with a grimace. "I'm so tired."

Jay watched her from where he sat. "At least you can make fun of Ruzek all night. That'll cheer you up."

Erin laughed. "Yeah, you're definitely right about that." She glanced over to the mirror to make sure that her hair and makeup looked okay. "Did you get the chips and all that out?"

"Yep, everything is set."

"Good." She came over and straddled his lap. She leaned down to kiss him, but right as their lips almost touched, they heard a knock on the door. Erin groaned.

"Come on." Jay kissed her quickly and led the way to the door. Erin took a seat in the recliner as he opened the door. Ruzek, Antonio, Atwater, and Mouse all entered their apartment, talking loudly and carrying their alcohol of choice. They all greeted her and loaded their beers into the refrigerator.

The game began and the boys quickly took their seats. Atwater and Antonio went to the couch while Ruzek and Mouse sat on the loveseat. Jay came over to the recliner and patted Erin's thigh gently. She understood the hint immediately and stood, letting him sit down, and then sat on his lap. He handed her a beer and she took it gratefully.

Erin liked hockey, mainly because the men in her life enjoyed it so much. But she found it pretty hard to focus on it today. She was much happier with how warm Jay was and how comfortable it was to cuddle close to him. She let her eyes slide closed when she felt his hand come up and start to trace patterns on her hip.

"YES!" the men collectively shouted, jumping to their feet. Jay cheered too, making Erin jump out of her almost-sleep and nearly spill her beer. Her boyfriend must have noticed because he took it from her hand and set it on the coffee table.

"You okay?" he questioned.

"Mmhmm." Now that her hands were free, she had even more room to turn and cuddle. She buried her face in the space between Jay's neck and shoulder. He didn't say anything, but turned and pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

Erin drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the game. The rest of the guys were so wrapped up in the score that they didn't really notice, but Jay did. It wasn't normal for Erin to fall asleep during a Blackhawks game, especially in a room full of people. He figured it was all the stress of the day catching up with her. He caught Antonio's gaze from across the room.

" _Is she okay?"_ the older man mouthed to him. Jay nodded his head in response, indicating to him that she was just tired. He was grateful to his friend for not making it a big deal because he knew that would just make Erin upset.

"Lindsay, you better wake up! It's almost over!" Ruzek shouted as the game neared its end. The Blackhawks had the edge over their rivals and the guys couldn't be happier.

Erin sat up slightly and opened her eyes. The whole room felt like it was spinning. She immediately laid her head back down on Jay's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked.

"I'm dizzy." She whispered. "I'm fine. I'm gonna go to bed."

"Okay." Jay helped her stand, then stood up himself.

"See you guys tomorrow. I'm going to bed." Erin announced.

"See ya." Ruzek waved, though he wasn't really paying attention. Atwater and Mouse had similar responses.

Antonio came over to her and gave her a hug. "You sure you're okay? You're not acting like yourself."

"I'm good, just tired. Work's been rough the past few days. You know that."

"Yeah. I hope you get some rest."

"Thanks, Tonio." She smiled and went down the hall to her room.

Jay's mind was only half there for the rest of the game. He was worried about Erin and the way she had been acting today. He hoped that she really was just tired and there wasn't anything else going on.

A half an hour later, the guys were finally packing up and going home. Jay couldn't wait to crawl into bed beside his girl and get some sleep. Ruzek slapped him on the shoulder on the way out.

"Tell Lindsay to at least stay awake for the first five minutes next time."

"Goodnight, Adam." Jay closed the door and locked it. He quickly cleaned up the living room and shut off the TV. He flipped off the lights and went back to the bedroom.

Erin was asleep on top of the blankets again, still fully dressed in her jeans and V-neck. Jay went over to her and unbuttoned her jeans. He pulled them down her legs, surprised when she didn't wake up. She was a pretty light sleeper.

He took off her V-neck next and unclasped her bra for her, replacing them with a more comfortable t-shirt. He threw her dirty clothes into the hamper and took off his own jeans and t-shirt.

Jay pulled back the blanket carefully and lifted Erin slightly so that he could cover her up with it. He went back around to his side of the bed and got under the blankets, pulling her close to his body. Erin almost immediately melted into him and he was just glad to have her in his arms. He kissed her nose and drifted off to sleep.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay was woken up abruptly with an elbow in his stomach as Erin launched her body over his and ran towards the bathroom. It took him a few seconds to register what was going on, until her heard the sound of vomiting. Then, it all made sense.

Erin was sick.

He hauled himself out of bed and went over to the bathroom doorway. She was kneeling on the cold, tile floor and tightly gripping the toilet. Her head was practically in the bowl as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

Jay moved forward and gathered her hair off of her neck to avoid getting her puke in it. He grabbed one of her hair ties off of the countertop and tied her hair into a bun (well, the best way he could do a bun). He watched her throw up everything she had eaten, and then dry heave for a few minutes.

When she had finally finished, she collapsed with a whimper into his chest. Jay held her close to him. "You're okay, baby. It's okay." He lifted her up carefully onto the bathroom sink and wetted a washcloth. He wiped the sweat off her face for her, then handed her her toothpaste and toothbrush. She started to brush her teeth, until that made her start gagging and she was leaning over the sink dry heaving again. Jay rubbed her back soothingly.

"It's alright, Erin." He kissed her temple. He saw the tears gathering in her eyes. "Try and brush your teeth again. You're not going to want the taste of vomit in your mouth."

Erin brushed her teeth slower this time and made it through without gagging. The two of them walked back into their bedroom, Erin shivering slightly.

"When did I change?" she asked curiously.

"I changed you." He told her. He handed her a pair of sweatpants and socks so that she could warm up a little bit. She put them on and then climbed into bed, burrowing under the blankets. She curled into a little ball. "What's hurting you?"

"Everything. My whole body hurts and I'm so nauseous." She reached her hand up to wipe away the tear that slipped down her cheek. "I hate this."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Can you hold me?"

"Of course, baby."

His heart ached when he saw how much pain she was in just from the simple act of moving across the bed. He met her halfway and pulled her into his arms. He gently stroked her back with one hand and wrapped the other around her waist.

"I love you."

"Love you too." She mumbled, her voice muffled because her head was buried in his chest. He could feel her breathing even out and he was happy for that at least.

Jay gently released Erin from his arms and reached for his phone. He saw that it was a little after four in the morning. He started to type a message.

 _To: Voight_

 _Hey, Erin's not going to be able to come in today. She's throwing up. If you need me, then I'll be there, but if not, I'd like to stay with her._

He wasn't expecting to get a reply for a while, so he was surprised when his phone vibrated less than a minute later.

 _From: Voight_

 _Stay with her. I'll stop by later to check on her and bring some dinner. Take care of her._

 _To: Voight_

 _Always._

Jay turned off his and Erin's alarms, glad to know that they wouldn't have to worry about work today. He fell asleep minutes later.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When Jay woke up later on, it was 7:30am. Erin was still in his arms, which meant that she hadn't gotten up and thrown up anymore. He was grateful to at least know that, even if he could feel how hot her skin was now from where her forehead was touching his chest.

He carefully got out of bed and went to the kitchen. He started looking around for something that would be easy on her stomach and settled on toast and water because they didn't have much else. The only medicine they really had was Ibuprofen, so he grabbed a bottle of that too and set it on the counter. He planned on letting Erin sleep as long as she could, so he laid out everything he needed and then returned to the bedroom.

When he got back, he saw that Erin was awake. She was curled into a ball again and her hands were pressed against her stomach. She made a tiny little whimpering noise that made him move even quicker.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I thought you left for work." She replied.

"No, we've got the day off today. I told Voight you're sick." He put his hand over hers on her stomach. "Do you think you could eat something?"

At the mention of food, she was on her feet and running to the bathroom. She threw up water and dry heaved for about five minutes as Jay rubbed her back and tried to comfort her. Then, her eyes widened.

"Uh, Jay? Can you get out?"

"What?"

"Please go."

"I'm not leaving you."

"I think I have diarrhea."

Jay kissed her forehead. "I'll be in the kitchen." He shut the bathroom door behind him. It was definitely going to be a _long_ day.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

As the day progressed, Erin only seemed to get worse. He had managed to get her to eat a piece of toast, but she had thrown it right back up. Every time she would drink, she would puke. The diarrhea was still happening, she had a cough and a sore throat, and her whole body was sore and achy. He had taken her temperature and saw that it was up to 102.5.

They were currently laying on the couch together watching the movie Grease. Jay was facing towards the TV, while Erin had turned her body so she was facing him. She had draped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. As soon as she finally fell asleep, there was a knock on the door.

"No." Erin whined. Jay knew she was really sick because the Erin Lindsay he knew would never whine. "If you don't answer they'll go away."

"I have to, babe."

"Please. I'm finally comfortable."

Jay slid out from behind Erin and went over to the front door. He wasn't surprised to see Voight standing on the other side with grocery bags in his hands.

"Jay." He greeted. He came into the apartment. "Hey kid. How ya feeling?"

"Not good." Erin turned her attention from her father figure back to her boyfriend. Jay knew what she wanted. They never engaged in PDA around Voight, but she was sick and he would give her whatever she wanted. He sat back down next to her and felt her lean against him. He held her close to him and kissed her cheek, then nose, and then her forehead.

"I'm going to make lasagna. Is that okay?" Voight wondered.

"Sounds great." Jay answered. He and Erin didn't ever really have time to cook, so it wasn't very often that they had a home cooked meal. He knew that Erin probably wouldn't eat it, but she could have the leftovers when she was feeling better.

Jay turned his attention back to Erin, who looked like she was trying to watch the movie. He saw the look that was becoming all too familiar settle across her face that meant she was about to throw up. She stood up and he could see she was struggling with it. She wobbled as she walked, needing to hold onto the couch for support.

"We'll be right back." Jay told Voight as he passed the kitchen. The older man nodded his head in understanding.

For what felt like the millionth time that day, Jay helped his girlfriend as she vomited. When she finished, she let out a sob.

"I hate this." She cried.

Jay ran his hand up and down her back as he hugged her. "Shhh, I know. It's okay, baby. It'll be over soon. It's alright."

He helped her up so she could brush her teeth and they went back to the living room, Erin using Jay's arm to support herself. Voight was watching them from the kitchen.

"Erin, do you wanna go to the hospital?" he questioned.

"No." she said, shaking her head.

"You can barely walk. Jay, what's her temperature?"

"When I took it earlier, it was 102.5."

"When was that?"

"At around 11am."

"It's almost 4pm. You should take it again."

Jay went and grabbed the thermometer. He sat next to Erin, who had laid back down on the couch. "Open your mouth." Erin did as he asked and he stuck the thermometer under her tongue. He watched the number climb as her eyes slid closed. It beeped, signaling that it was done. "104.1"

"I don't want to go to the hospital." Erin mumbled. "I just need to sleep for a little bit and I'll be okay." She reached her hand out and linked it with Jay's.

"Have you taken medicine?"

"She had Ibuprofen at around 1pm. I'll get her some more in an hour." Jay appreciated Hank's help, but he had some idea of what he was doing. He let the room fall into a comfortable silence and turned his focus back to Erin. He started to play with her hair while she watched the movie.

"Lasagna is ready." Hank announced. "Erin, I brought you some chicken noodle soup. I figured it would be a little easier to keep down."

Jay knew she had been throwing up everything she had eaten, but she had to have something. "Come on, baby. You need to at least try." He pulled her to her feet and kissed her forehead.

He started to walk over to the table when he heard a noise behind him. He turned and saw Erin on the floor. He felt like he was going to throw up.

"You okay?" he questioned, dropping down to his knees next to her.

Erin looked disoriented. "I'm okay." She was sitting down on her butt. "I just got a little dizzy."

"I want you to go to the hospital." Jay decided. "I know you hate hospitals and doctors and that they freak you out. I know you avoid it at all costs, but if you won't do it for yourself, then I need you to do it for me. Please, Erin."

Erin's eyes were glossy as she stared at him and he could see that she was not okay. "I'll try to eat. If I can eat, then I'm not going. If I throw up, I'll go."

"Okay." Jay agreed. He grabbed under Erin's arms and gently lifted her back up so she could stand. This time, he walked behind her. Hank looked just as worried as he felt. The sergeant pulled a chair out for her and Erin sat down, telling him thank you.

The three of them ate in relative silence. About five minutes later, Jay felt Erin's hand on his arm. He looked over at her and saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm gonna throw up and I don't know if I can walk to the bathroom."

Jay stood quickly and picked her up from her chair. He carried her down the hall to the bathroom and got there just in time. He was proud that the bun he had done that morning had held the entire day and she hadn't gotten vomit anywhere other than the toilet.

He sat behind her and rubbed her back. She reached up and flushed the toilet, then grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe her mouth and threw it in the toilet. She leaned back against his chest. Jay kissed her head and stroked her stomach gently.

"I really think you should go to the hospital. They could give you some medicine that will help you get over this virus."

"I don't like medicine." Erin stated.

Jay was reminded of her drug-filled past. "I know you don't, but I doubt they would prescribe you anything that would put you at risk of going back on your progress."

Erin rubbed her hands over her face. "I don't think I really have a choice at this point. I feel terrible."

"Then let's get ready to go. Do you wanna brush your teeth?" she nodded. Jay helped her stand and stood next to her while she brushed her teeth. Then, he walked with her into the bedroom. "Tell me what you want to wear."

"Yoga pants and your gray hoodie."

Jay grabbed the clothes that she wanted. She changed into them slowly, but she managed to do it on her own. He lifted her up and carried her back into the living room. Voight had completely cleaned up the kitchen and was putting leftovers in the fridge.

"We're going to go to Med." Jay informed him.

"Mind if I join?" he wondered.

"That's fine." Erin said.

"I'll drive."

"I can walk if you want me to." Erin stated, even though she cuddled closer in his arms.

"I've got you." Jay kissed her forehead. Voight opened the door for them and Jay carried her out into the hallway, then handed his boss his keys so that he could lock the door. Jay held Erin with ease; it shocked him sometimes how light his partner was because of how much damage she could do while on the job.

Voight opened the backdoor of his car and Jay climbed inside. He buckled Erin in, then himself. Erin leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. He could feel the heat radiating off of her body and he just hoped that this was a 24-hour stomach virus.

The ride to the hospital didn't take too long. Jay picked up Erin again and he could tell she was feeling a little more embarrassed this time. He didn't care; he wasn't going to risk her falling again and hurting herself.

"Jay?" he turned his head at the familiar voice and made eye contact with his older brother, Dr. Will Halstead. "What's going on?"

"Erin's sick."

"I can examine her."

Will led them to an exam room. Jay set Erin on the exam table and took the seat right next to the bed. Voight sat in the chair closer to the door.

"What's going on, Erin? Must be pretty bad for you to come in. We all know how stubborn you can be."

"Yeah, Hank and Jay are just being overprotective." She told him. "I've just got a little virus."

"Let me take your temperature." Will used one of the automatic thermometers and ran it across her forehead. "Alright, so your temperature is at 104.3. That's definitely way higher than I would like it to be." He pulled out his stethoscope and listened to her heartrate. "Your pulse is rapid. Erin, can you tell me about your symptoms?"

"Yeah. Um…" her face furrowed as she tried to think. "I've been throwing up."

"Anything else?" Will prodded.

Jay could see how disoriented Erin looked, so he picked it up from there. "She's been really dizzy and she's had a headache all day. Her body has been sore, she's had diarrhea, and she just hasn't been acting like herself. She's been really tired all day, but not been able to sleep because of how often she's throwing up."

"How long have you been sick, Erin?"

"It started in the middle of the night last night." Jay answered for her. He smoothed Erin's hair behind her ears.

"Alright, Erin, your fever is really high and I want to get it down as soon as possible. I would like to admit you. I want to start an IV to get fluids and medication into your body as soon as possible, and I would like to run some tests to make sure that something more serious isn't going on. Okay?"

"M'kay." Erin hummed. Jay was surprised she didn't put up more of a fight. She turned to look at him. "You'll stay with me?"

"Of course." He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Alright. I'm going to get you the paperwork and we'll get you set up in a room." Will left.

Jay stroked Erin's hair while she closed her eyes. He hoped that his brother could figure out what was going on and get it taken care of. He hated seeing her so miserable. It was like torture to know that she was sick, but not know what to do to make her feel better.

A half an hour later, they had moved to a different room and Erin was changed into a hospital gown. She was settled into a bed and had an IV in her left arm that was supplying her with fluids and medication. Jay was sitting in a chair on her right side and Hank had taken the chair towards the side of the room. Jay was grateful that he had taken a backseat today and let him help his girlfriend.

"Jay." Erin groaned. He knew before she even moved what was happened. He grabbed the bedpan and held it in front of her. She threw up everything she had managed to keep down. Hank came over and took the bedpan from him and brought it into the bathroom. Erin's eyes teared up. "I hate this."

"I know you do, but Will's going to make you feel better, okay? He's already trying to get your fever down and give you the right medicines. You'll be out of here before you know it."

"I wanna go home." The tears spilled over.

"Don't cry, baby. You're only going to make yourself sick." Jay leaned down and hugged her. "Listen to me. They're just keeping you here so that they can make sure that something more serious isn't going on. Your fever is really high, Erin. The doctors have to get it lower before you can get home. As soon as it's lower, I bet they'll let you go. Just relax and focus on getting better and I'm sure we'll be home tomorrow."

"Can you lay with me?" she sniffled.

"I'll sit right here." Jay kissed her cheek. "I'm not going to leave you. I love you."

"Love you too." She turned her body so she was facing towards him. Jay reached over her so that he could stroke her back. He watched her eyes flutter as she fought sleep. It didn't take long for her body to give in and she fell asleep.

"You can calm her down quicker than anyone else." Voight commented from his seat. Jay wasn't really sure how to respond to that, but luckily he kept going. "Erin is one of the most stubborn people I've ever met, but it's like she actually can see reason when you're talking to her."

"I just try and explain things to her. Rationalize." Jay said. "At this point, I would say anything to get her to stay at the hospital. I just need her to get better."

"You're a good guy, Jay."

"She makes me better. I know that sounds stupid, but she brings out the best in me."

"It doesn't sound stupid; I completely understand." Voight smiled at him. "I'm going to call the rest of the unit and tell them to take the day off tomorrow. We don't have any big cases right now and I think you're needed here."

"Thanks, Hank." Jay watched as he walked out. He smiled to himself, realizing that maybe having Voight involved in the rest of his life wouldn't be so bad.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Erin…" Jay pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Erin, wake up." She groaned at the contact against her face. "Erin."

Her eyes opened and she scowled at him. "No."

"Good morning."

"Too early."

"As horrible as it must be to wake up to my brother's face, I need to check on you, Erin." Will said from the left side of her bed.

Erin pulled herself into a sitting position. "Okay."

Will ran the thermometer across her forehead. "102.1. Much better than yesterday. The medicine is definitely working. I ran some tests and you just have a virus, so we ruled out anything more serious, which is great news. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. My body still hurts and I'm a little nauseous."

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to just get better overnight, but I am glad that your fever went down. Have you been able to eat at all?"

"Every time I ate yesterday, I threw it back up."

"Okay, I want you to try and eat something. Your vitals look good and I'm going to keep you on fluids and the medicine to try and get that fever even lower. I hope you're feeling a little better at least."

"My head is a little less foggy, if that makes any sense."

"Good! I'll be back in to check on you."

"Thanks, Will."

"Anytime." He excused himself.

Erin groaned. "I don't want to eat."

"You need to. I'm going to go get you something."

"No, I don't want you to leave." She grabbed his hand.

Jay raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk. "You're awfully clingy when you're sick."

Erin's mouth fell open. "I am not!"

"Sure."

"Fine, leave. I don't care." She let go of his hand.

"I'm just kidding, baby." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I love how clingy you've been."

"I'm not clingy." Erin mumbled, though she gave in and wrapped her arms around Jay's neck. He leaned down and quickly kissed her lips. He had been trying to avoid kissing her on the mouth, but he couldn't help it anymore. "Where's Hank?"

"He left earlier this morning to get some sleep."

"He's back." Jay pulled back when he heard the older man's voice. Hank stood in the doorway with coffee and a box of donuts. "I brought breakfast."

"That's perfect, Erin is supposed to try and eat."

"Good, I got her favorite kind of donut."

The next half hour was spent eating donuts and drinking coffee (or water, in Erin's case). Erin was shocked when she didn't immediately jump up and vomit. She didn't say anything because she didn't want to jinx it.

Voight's phone rang. "Alright kid, I've got to get going. Call me if you need anything." He kissed Erin's forehead, then looked at Jay. "Keep me updated."

"I will. Thanks for the coffee." Hank nodded and exited the room just as Will came in.

"Were you able to keep breakfast down?"

"So far so good." Erin confirmed.

"Alright, then I'm going to discharge you. I want you taking Ibuprofen every six hours, and I want you to take your temperature before you take it. If it gets to 103, I want you to come back to the hospital. Got it?"

"Got it." Jay and Erin agreed.

"Let's get started on the paperwork then."

Erin dropped down on the couch and let out a sigh of relief. "I'm so happy to be home."

Jay smiled at her. "You were gone for less than 24 hours."

"It felt like forever."

He came over and pulled her boots off her feet. He set them carefully in their rightful spot near the door, then put his own boots next to them. He grabbed her a bottle of water and then set it and her medicine on the coffee table. Jay sat down on the couch and Erin immediately curled into his body.

He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, finding a movie that they both liked. He moved his body so that he could lay down and Erin waited for him to get comfortable, then adjusted herself so that she was laying in front of him. He pulled the throw blanket off the top of the couch and covered them both with it.

Jay kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

"Love you." She said. He could tell from her voice how tired she was.

He knew that Erin would get better within a couple of days. He knew that there would be plenty more times that she was sick, and times when the roles were reversed. But he also knew that they would always be there to take care of each other. Jay kissed her head one last time as they both fell asleep.

 **Up Next…T: Tears**

 **Don't forget to let me know if you think the second set of A-Z with Erin and Jay having kids should be posted as its own story or just added onto Trust!**


	21. Tears

**I'm glad everyone enjoyed Erin being sick so much! It was a request that I had gotten a lot, so it's good to know that it lived up to everyone's expectations. Thank you all for reviewing and letting me know your thoughts!**

 **Based on everyone's reviews, I think I am going to do the second set of A-Z as a separate story. When it is posted, I will post a chapter on this story letting everyone know so that you can all go read that one too if you would like!**

 **I got a review asking if I was open to prompts for the second set of A-Z and the answer is YES, please send me prompts! As of now, I only have an idea of what I'm doing for the first chapter and that is it! For Trust I didn't have as much room to squeeze in all of your guys' ideas because I had it all planned out before I even posted it here, but I have absolutely nothing planned out so PLEASE REVIEW WITH PROMPTS!**

 **Just as a heads up, I already have U, V, and W written and they are all shorter chapters, as is this one. Because they are shorter, I am going to post them sooner. I'm hoping that you'll all love them enough that you won't care that they're kind of short, and that I'll make up for it with Y and Z, which I am going to try and make longer!**

 **Anyway, please review after this chapter and let me know what you think, and any ideas you have for the second set of A-Z, including a title for the story because as of now, I have no idea what I'm going to call it! Thank you all for your continued support!**

 **T: Tears**

 _*Of course Jay has seen her cry before, but there's something different about walking into her apartment and finding Erin huddled under the blankets and sobbing her heart out._

Jay had had the longest week of his life. On Monday, they had gotten slammed with a drug case that should have been simple, but ended up taking the entire day and lasting well into the night.

On Tuesday, he and Erin had gotten into an argument over trusting Voight's judgment on what to do with one of the offenders they had in custody. Of course, Erin had sided with Voight, while Jay didn't think he was right. They eventually made up after agreeing to disagree.

On Wednesday, he had been in a car with Ruzek that was hit by a guy trying to flee the scene of a crime. Neither of them had gotten any injuries, but it was still a big stack of paperwork that he didn't want to deal with.

On Thursday, a new case came in about a kidnapped little boy that they were hoping would have a good outcome. Instead, they found a trail of two more missing little kids and only one of them ended up surviving.

Now, it was Friday and the day hadn't gone much better. Erin had been acting strange all day, Voight was in a terrible mood and had been taking it out on everyone around him, they had all had a load of paperwork to do, and a new case came in about a murdered 17-year-old girl with no clear leads.

To say he was exhausted was an understatement.

Jay had gone to Molly's after work with the guys to blow off some steam. It had definitely helped a little bit and he could feel that some of the tension was released from his body. It was 11:30pm and he was expecting to see Erin sitting on the couch when he walked in. He knew she was home because her car was outside, but there was no sign of her.

He knew her week hadn't been much better than his, so he figured she had decided to go to bed early. He stayed quiet as he went to the bedroom to change clothes.

He opened the door and the hallway light revealed a large Erin-shaped lump under the blankets. He could hear her crying as soon as the door was opened.

Jay had seen Erin cry before, but never like this. These were heart-wrenching sobs that he knew she was only letting out because she thought she was alone. He considering letting her cry in private, but there was no way he could leave her like this.

He went over to her side of the bed and gently pulled the blankets back. Erin was curled into the fetal position and her entire body was shaking with the force of her cries. She looked startled at suddenly being revealed in her vulnerable position. He could see it in her eyes that she was desperately trying to gain control back, but failing miserably.

"Hey, whatever's going on, just let it out. I'm not going to judge you. If you need to cry, then cry."

As soon as those words were out, Erin just turned to him and continued her heartbreaking cries. He moved so he could lay next to her and held her close to him.

Jay ran different scenarios through his head to try and figure out the cause of this. She didn't look like she had any physical injuries. They hadn't gotten in any arguments and she was letting him be here, so it couldn't have been anything he did. He wasn't sure what could have brought this on. He knew that if he waited long enough, she would tell him.

He didn't know how long he had held her until Erin started gasping for air and hyperventilating. Jay stroked her hair gently.

"Deep breaths, baby. It's okay. Breathe in and out. You're alright." He reassured her. "I love you. I don't know what's going on, but you can trust me, okay? If you want to talk about it, we can. If you want to wait, then that's okay too."

"I…miss…her…so…much…" Erin sobbed.

He leaned back slightly so he could see her face. He wiped the tears off of her cheeks. "Who?"

"Camille." Erin buried her face in his chest. "It's been seven years." Her voice was muffled when she spoke.

Realization dawned on him. It had been seven years since Camille's death. He held her a little bit closer after that. Erin was still crying, but she started to calm down.

"Do you want to talk about her?" Jay asked after a little while.

"I don't even know where I would begin. Camille was one of those people that everyone loved. There was just something about her."

"Like you?"

"Shut up." Erin said, and even without looking at her, Jay could tell she had a small smile on her face. "I'll never forget the first time I met her. It was after Hank took me in. He had arrested me for the third time, I think, and he had taken me home. He found out that there was no running water and no heat, and also that Bunny hadn't been home in over two weeks. He refused to let me stay there, and I begged him not to call social services."

"How did you end up with Voight anyway?" Jay wondered. Erin had told him many stories about Hank, but never that one.

Erin reached over to turn the light on next to the bed. Jay immediately leaned forward and kissed her when he saw her puffy, red, swollen eyes. He moved so that he was sitting with his back against the headboard. Erin sat where she was straddling his lap.

"Well, the first thing he arrested me for was stealing and that's what kind of put me on his radar, I guess. At that point, I had already been arrested for fighting and he told me that I didn't have to act like a street kid and I could be better than that. He arrested me again not too long after for having pot. The last thing he arrested me for was the solicitation." Her eyes immediately left his.

"Hey, it's in the past." He kissed her forehead.

"Anyway, Hank told me that he wasn't going to arrest me again. He took me home, found out what was going on. That's how he found out what all was going on with Charlie too." Jay immediately recognized the name of Erin's ex-boyfriend and fought the urge to roll his eyes. If there's one thing he agreed with Voight on, it was the way he had handled the situation with Charlie when Erin was fifteen years old and being manipulated by the much older man. "At first, I was in a foster home, but I ran away. He was the one to find me. I thought he was taking me back, but we pulled up to a different house.

"I'll never forget the look on Camille's face when we walked in the front door. She was sitting at the kitchen table when Hank brought me in. She took one look at me and immediately started offering me all kinds of food. Of course, I was so ungrateful that I turned them all down, but she still made me a hamburger anyway. It was the first meal I had had in weeks and I can still remember how good it was." Erin smiled as she remembered. "Camille sat across from me at the table and she told me that she and Hank were taking a big risk by taking me in. She just asked that I respect them, their home, their son, and their rules. I gave them all such a hard time for the next couple years after that, but she never gave up on me."

"She sounds amazing."

"She was. She had a way of always knowing exactly when you needed her. Remember how I told you I used to get bullied really badly in high school?" Jay nodded, his hands coming up to rub against her hips comfortingly. "One day, it had been really rough. I was walking down the hall and a girl had tripped me and my backpack ripped and my books went flying everywhere. I didn't like to ask Hank and Camille for anything. Bunny had never had money to buy me anything, so I was taught when I was little that I wasn't supposed to ask for things. I was scared to tell them that I had broken the backpack they bought me for school, so I just carried all my stuff. The next day when I got home from school, there was a new backpack on my bed. I don't know how she knew, but somehow, she had noticed and she went out and bought me a new one."

Jay gently stroked her back, trying to encourage her to continue.

"I wish you had gotten to meet her. She would have loved you. It's so hard knowing that she's going to miss everything, you know? She was at my high school graduation and my academy graduation, which I'm so thankful for. But that's all I'll ever get with her. She'll never meet you, or get to go to my wedding, or meet our babies. That's the hardest thing for me. Our kids will never have a grandmother."

For a second, Jay thought about the loss of his own mother. "Our kids will have so many other people who love them. My mom and Camille will still be there, just not physically."

"It's even harder this year too with Justin being gone. I tried to go over and be with Hank, but he completely shut down. He wouldn't even look at me. I don't know what to say to make him feel better. I just feel like I'm not enough for him because I'm not actually his daughter."

"Hey, you are his daughter in every way that counts." Jay tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "People just grieve differently. You know that."

"I know. It just hurts." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you for listening to me."

"You don't have to listen to me. I love hearing your stories. Any time you want to talk about Camille, or about anything, you know that I'm here." He kissed the top of her head. "I wish you would have told me earlier. I wouldn't have gone out tonight."

"No, I'm glad you did. I needed to be alone for a little while to sort everything out."

"Are you feeling any better?"

"I'm still sad, but I'm always going to be sad. When Camille died, she took a little piece of my heart with her. It doesn't hurt every single day anymore, but there are some days that are harder than others." Erin hugged him. "I don't say it enough, but I love you and I really appreciate you, Jay. You'll never understand how much it means to me that you're always there for me."

"You'd do it for me." He tilted her head up so he could kiss her lips. "I love you too."

Erin's eyes lit up as she looked at him. "I just thought of another Camille story! But you can't tell any of the guys this one. One year for Halloween, she made Hank dress up with her in a couples' costume. I know I have a picture somewhere; I'll have to find it…"

Jay listened to her story with a smile. Erin had faced more loss than anyone else he knew, but she was also the most resilient person he had ever met. It was one of the many reasons that he loved her.

 **Up Next…U: Unexpected**

 **One more quick question- how do you imagine Jay's proposal and a Linstead wedding? Thank you and don't forget to review!**


	22. Unexpected

**Thank you for the continued support!**

 **Let me know if you have any prompts for A-Z Kids! If you want, you can even just tell me a letter of the alphabet and I will try and come up with a prompt from that; that is actually how I came up with the prompts for Trust!**

 **Please review with your thoughts! To be honest, this one isn't my favorite chapter, but I hope you guys like it anyway.**

 **U: Unexpected**

 _*Erin is a runner, so when she and Jay get in a fight, nothing surprises him more than when she whispers the word 'stay' into the darkness of their apartment._

"I don't know why you let him control your entire life!" Jay shouted as he walked into the apartment, flipping on the switch and bathing the living room in light. He pulled his shoes off and set them carefully by the front door.

"I'm not letting him control anything. I'm sorry that I agree with Hank and with his methods. I don't think that every criminal deserves just a slap on the wrist." Erin shot back. She ripped her boots off her feet and threw them in the direction of the door as she headed towards the kitchen.

"Oh my God, would it kill you to clean up after yourself?" Jay called after her as he picked up her boots and put them where they belong.

"Would it kill _you_ to loosen up a little bit? Quit being so OCD about where I put my shoes!"

"And you know what? I never said that he deserved a slap on the wrist. But I don't think that anyone deserves to be thrown around and treated like they're not a human just because Voight says so!"

"It's not your call."

"Well who made him God?"

"It's done and over with, Jay. It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done." Erin grabbed a beer from the fridge. "I don't know when you're going to get it through your mind that not everything comes down to being about Voight. I just don't think there's any use in worrying about something that has already happened."

"Really? Because I've heard you toss and turn all night over a case that didn't end the way you wanted it to." Jay shook his head. "It'll always come back to Voight. It's always about how he saved you and you feel indebted to him. You don't owe him anything!"

"You don't understand anything about that! I owe him my life, Jay! So yeah, if he asks me to look the other way, then I'm going to look the other way."

"You saved yourself, Erin. Voight may have taken you in, but it was _your_ choice to stop doing drugs. It was _your_ choice to stay clean even after you moved out of Voight's. It was _your_ choice to become a cop and stay on the right path."

"God, can you just drop it?" Erin yelled. "I don't want to fight with you anymore! I'm sick of fighting about Hank! I let him handle things his way today because there's no way that guy would have been convicted and our victim deserved justice. I'm sorry if you don't agree with that, but what's done is done."

"One day, Voight's luck is going to run out and you're going to follow him right down the hole he digs for himself."

"You're so dramatic."

"No, I'm being realistic. Would you really sacrifice your job for him?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "He sacrificed his job to take me in and get me off the streets."

"This isn't about your past right now."

"But everything connects back to it! What you don't seem to understand is that my past has made me the person that I am today. Everything that happened to me then is what shaped who I am now. If Voight hadn't taken me in, I would be dead right now. Instead of badmouthing him, you should be thanking him or else we wouldn't even be having this conversation!"

"You are completely missing my point!" Jay said incredulously. "I am saying that Voight is reckless, and he's gotten even worse since Justin's death…"

"Don't." Erin interrupted. "Don't even go there. I don't care what you're going to say. Just stop."

"No. He's going to get into trouble if he keeps doing the things he's doing and I don't want to see you follow him into that trouble. Where does you losing your job fit into our future?"

"That's seriously what you're worried about? Hank lost his son and all you can think about is how my job affects our future?"

Jay completely stopped what he was doing to look at her. "Are you serious? I think about how everything affects our future because I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you, Erin. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the first step to getting there is both of us having stable careers and a healthy relationship. I thought we were on the same page here, but I guess that I've been preparing for our future while you're more worried about what's going on with Voight."

"That's not what I'm saying." Erin tried to explain.

"It makes me sick that you would even suggest that I'm not being sympathetic about Justin's death. I have been here for you through all of this, I've even tried to be there for Hank. All I was trying to say was that because of his grief, Hank isn't thinking clearly and he's acting out and I don't want to see you get hurt." Jay shook his head. "I think we're both pretty emotional right now. I'm gonna grab some clothes and stay at Will's tonight."

He walked to the bedroom. He couldn't believe that Erin would act like he didn't care about Justin's death. It seemed like she was arguing just to argue at this point. He knew she was frustrated and needed to take out some of her anger, but he didn't want one of them to say something they would regret.

He didn't even bother to turn on the light when he went into their room. He walked straight over to the dresser and started to grab his clothes.

"Stay." Erin whispered.

Her voice was so quiet that he almost didn't hear her, but the word was unmistakable. She was asking him to stay.

Jay was honestly shocked. Erin had a long history of running from her problems and she was the first person to try and leave when things got too tough. He had tried to leave to make things easier on both of them. He had never expected her to ask him to stay.

"What?"

"Stay." She said again. "Please don't go."

Jay turned around. He could see her standing in the doorway of their completely dark bedroom. He went over and pulled her into his arms. "I won't go if you don't want me to."

"Please stay."

He kissed her forehead. "I'm here."

"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean to imply that you don't care about Justin's death, or that I don't care about our future together. I know that what Hank did tonight was wrong, but there wasn't really anything that I could do to stop it and I'm trying so hard to not start any unnecessary arguments with him. I don't want to fight with you anymore, Jay. I'm sorry."

It was very rare that Erin apologized first, so he knew that she was genuinely sorry. "I'm sorry that I started this argument. I know that there wasn't anything you could have done, I'm just angry that Voight bent the law and that guy won't get to suffer in prison like he belongs. I know that you care about our future and it wasn't fair of me to say that. I love you, okay? I'm sorry for saying I would leave. I just didn't want one of us to say something we would regret."

"I didn't want you to leave and then for us to not solve this issue." Erin sighed in his arms. "Why couldn't we have just had this talk in the beginning instead of arguing?"

"Because we both have horrible tempers when we get pushed too far?" Jay suggested. "It's been a long day."

"I'm exhausted." Erin groaned. "Wanna shower?"

"How can I say no to that?"

Jay led the way to the bathroom and turned on the water. He made sure it was nice and hot before they both stripped out of their clothes. He climbed in first, followed by Erin. He opened his arms to her and they both stood under the warm spray of water.

Jay grabbed the bottle of shampoo and squirted a generous amount into his hand. He proceeded to rub it into Erin's hair, making sure to massage her scalp as he went. She practically melted in his arms at his touch. He turned her body so that she was under the spray of the water and the shampoo could be washed out. He repeated the same process with the conditioner, then lathered her up with body wash.

Erin returned the favor by washing Jay's hair and body for him. It took a lot longer for them to shower together than it would have for them to shower separately, but it definitely helped to patch up any negative feelings towards each other from their argument earlier.

Jay shut the water off and got out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and held it out for Erin. He wrapped it around Erin and lifted her out like she was a small child. He grabbed a towel for himself and they both dried off the best that they could.

They went to their bedroom together and got ready for bed in a matter of minutes. Jay snuck a glance at Erin and saw that she was already looking at him.

"We're good, right?" he said. "There's nothing else you wanted to say about earlier?"

"No, we're good." She promised. "Thank you for staying."

He smiled. "Well, I have a pretty good reason to stay."

 **Up Next…V: Vest**


	23. Vest

**Thank you for your reviews! I'm still looking for ideas for A-Z kids!**

 **V: Vest**

 _*Erin is shot, but her vest takes the bullet. Jay realizes he could never live without her._

"I want everyone to move in." Voight said over the radios.

Jay and Erin got out of their car, guns in hand. They both were in bullet proof vests as they prepared to take down a man who they suspected was involved in human trafficking. They joined the rest of the team as Ruzek and Al ran towards the back of the house.

Jay immediately went towards the front. He lifted up his leg and kicked down the door. "CHICAGO PD!"

The team swarmed the house in a careful, organized fashion. They had done this so many times and it was completely natural to them. They all knew exactly where each team member was supposed to be and how to watch out for their partners.

Despite this, Jay still always kept a tab on where Erin was. He was always scanning the room for danger and for her location. As her partner, it was his responsibility to keep her safe and he refused to let anything happen to her.

"Clear!" Antonio shouted out as he entered the first room.

"Clear!" Erin shouted out from the second room.

Voight and Atwater had gone upstairs and Jay heard them shout that it was clear.

"Clear!" he yelled from the kitchen area. He turned and saw Erin open a door that led to a set of stairs. She looked back at him and he nodded, confirming that he had her back.

They went down to the basement together, Erin taking the lead. She reached over to pull on a string attached to a lightbulb that lit up the entire room. They both walked around quickly.

"Clear." Jay announced.

The two detectives went back upstairs together, meeting Al, Ruzek, and Antonio in the kitchen. Atwater and Voight joined them a moment later.

"The house is clear." Antonio stated.

Jay looked at Erin, but saw her focus was outside. He looked too and saw a man running out of the neighbor's shed.

"Right there." he said, but before he could even move, Erin was running out the door.

"CHICAGO PD!" she screamed.

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The man turned his body and the sun reflected off of the metal in his hand.

"GUN!" Jay called out.

As he was yelling, they heard the sound of the gun going off. Erin's body hit the ground before anyone could react.

Jay was torn between going to her and chasing after the man. He knew what protocol was, but he also knew where his heart was. Luckily, he didn't have to make the choice because Antonio, Atwater, and Ruzek took off after the man who had shot their only female detective.

Jay fell to his knees at Erin's side and found the place where the bullet had hit her vest. He took one look at her face and saw the pain in her eyes. He was praying it was because the wind was knocked out of her and not because the bullet had gotten through the vest.

"Breathe, Erin." Alvin ordered as he knelt down on her other side.

He stuck his hand under her vest and made contact with her t-shirt. He felt around, but there was no blood and no place where the bullet had gone through.

"The vest caught it. You're okay." Jay grabbed her by the shoulders and sat her up. He pulled her into his arms. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just knocked the air out of me." She took a deep breath. "I'm okay."

In the almost four years that she had been his partner, Erin had never been shot. They had been in plenty of shootouts and there had been many opportunities, but a bullet had never even gotten close to her vest. Jay couldn't help but feel like he had failed her.

"We got him." Antonio said over the radio. He told them their location.

"Al, go pick them up." Voight commanded. "Erin, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm good."

Jay stood up and reached a hand out to her to pull her up.

"Alright. Get back to the district."

Jay and Erin walked to their car in silence. Jay couldn't believe that she had been shot.

"You okay?" she asked him.

"I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine. The vest caught it, remember? You said so yourself." she climbed into the driver's seat of the car. Erin waited until Jay got into the passenger's seat before she spoke again. "I'm probably going to have a bruise. That's it. I'm good, Jay."

"That was way too close. In the entire time we've been partners, you've never been shot before."

Erin grabbed his hand. "Odds are that I'm going to get shot again. And you're going to get shot. That's a risk we take every single day when we put on our badges. Do I hate going out there and knowing that we might not come home? Absolutely. But that's why we're partners. We keep each other safe."

"I didn't keep you safe today."

"That guy turned around before I could even register that he had a gun in his hand. There was no way that could have been prevented with the way I ran out the door like that. That was on me for not waiting until you were ready to go outside."

Jay looked at her. "Every single day, I tell you that I love you. Every time that I say it, I mean it. But I don't think I realize just how much I love you and how much I need you until there's a possibility that I could lose you."

Erin glanced over at him. She wished that she wasn't driving so that they could sit down and have this conversation together. "You're not going to lose me. I'm right here." She squeezed his hand. "I'm fine." She brought his hand up until it was resting over her heart. "See? My heart's still beating."

She pulled the car into the district and as soon as it was in park, Jay reached over and hugged her. It was kind of awkward because of the fact that they were in the car, but she melted into his embrace. He kissed the top of her head.

"I love you." She kissed his cheek. She ran her fingers through his hair gently. "I'm safe every single day because of you. I'm not ever scared going into a situation because I know that you've got my back. I trust you, Jay. More than anyone in this world."

He pulled back from the hug and rested their foreheads together. "I don't think I could ever live without you."

In the past, Erin knew that an admission like that would scare her into running. But she just smiled because she knew exactly what he meant.

"The feeling's mutual." She kissed him quickly. "Come on, we've got to get in there."

"You're sure you're okay?"

"I'm one hundred percent sure." She climbed out of the car. "Are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Jay kissed her one last time before they went into the district together.

 **Up Next…W: Wishing**


	24. Wishing

**Thank you for your reviews! I'm still looking for ideas for A-Z kids!**

 **I just finished writing 'X' and I realized that Trust is almost over! I can't believe that it's been 8 months since I posted this. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story through my sporadic updating, and to my new readers too! We've only got a few chapters left and I hope you all enjoy them!**

 **W: Wishing**

 _*Erin knows that what happened in her past is what made her who she is today, but sometimes, she wishes things had been different and she could be normal. But in Jay's eyes, normal is boring._

"When we get married one day, where do you want to go for the honeymoon?" Jay questioned. He and Erin were at dinner at a new Italian restaurant that she had been talking about all week. She had smiled so big when he told her where he was taking her for a date and it got him to thinking about all of the things Erin hadn't experienced.

He obviously knew that her childhood hadn't been the greatest and that she had been deprived of a lot of things. It was his goal to try and help her do everything she every had wanted to do.

Erin took a sip of her wine as she thought it over. "I'm not sure. I've never really been outside of Chicago unless it's for work, so there are so many places that I'd like to go."

"Name a few."

"I want to go to a beach, but I'm kind of scared. The ocean is so big, but I think it would be fun. I also want to go to Greece or Italy. I think New York would be fun if we weren't there on a case. I don't know, there are so many places. What about you?"

"Wisconsin." Jay said with a smile.

Erin rolled her eyes. "Of course. Who wouldn't want to spend their honeymoon with a barn full of cows?"

"Hey! There are no cows at my family's cabin." He threw his napkin at her. "One day I'm taking you there whether you like it or not. I know you would love it."

She raised an eyebrow. "We'll see."

"We should make a bucket list."

"Why?"

"Because there are so many things that I want to do, and there are so many things that I know you haven't done that I want to experience with you."

Erin twirled a bite of pasta around her fork. "What would you put on your bucket list?"

"Skydiving."

She laughed. "Absolutely not."

"Come on, babe. You wouldn't jump out of a plane?"

"I think our kids will need at least one parent." She looked up and saw Jay smiling at her. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"I love when you talk about our kids."

Erin just smiled and shook her head. "What else?"

"Disney World. We'll have to wait until the kids are actually old enough to enjoy it because I'm not spending thousands of dollars on a trip they're too little to remember, but I want to take them. When I was a kid, I loved Disney World."

"I wanted to go so bad when I was little. One of Bunny's friends brought me over this hand-me-down Cinderella dress when I was six and I used to wear it every day."

Jay nodded his head. "Then it's settled. We'll take our kids to Disney one day."

Erin put her fork down. "I'm sorry."

He looked at her in confusion. "For what?"

"For always bringing up my past. We were having a nice conversation and…"

"Erin, why are you apologizing? You don't ever have to apologize for talking to me about your past. You know that I like to hear about all of the little pieces who make you the person that I fell in love with."

"I just wish I was normal."

Jay shrugged. "Normal is boring. What's something on your bucket list?"

Erin smiled at how casual he had been. She had definitely fallen in love with the most perfect man in the world. "I want to build our own house. One that we design that is perfect for our family and exactly what we want. Considering our budget right now is a little low, it'll probably be a while, but one day, I would love for that to happen."

"That sounds great."

"I want to be a good mom. I don't ever want our kids to look at me the way I looked at Bunny. I want them to know how much I love them and how they're the most important thing in the world to me."

Jay grabbed her hand. "I don't think that'll be hard at all."

"I want us to have a nice wedding. It doesn't have to be big. I would be fine with just all the guys being there. I just want to marry you in front of the people we love and for us to stay married forever, when we're ready."

"We will." Jay promised. "Nice wedding, build a house, be a good mom. Anything else?"

"I want to go scuba diving."

Jay burst out laughing. "I was not expecting that."

"I also want to go to Hawaii."

"Maybe that's what we'll do for our honeymoon."

"Only if you promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"You can't make fun of me if I do something stupid." Erin bit her lip.

"Erin Lindsay, are you scared of the ocean?"

"I've only ever seen pictures so maybe it would be different when I was actually there, but it's so big. There are so many things in there that people don't even know about. What if my arm gets bit off by a shark?"

"The chances of that are pretty slim."

"But there is still a chance. I can't shoot a gun with one arm."

Jay gave her a look. "I've seen you do it."

"Alright, I _can_ , but I can't be a cop with one arm. You know what I mean." She took a bite of her pasta. "You would invite Will to our wedding, right?"

"Yeah."

"What about your dad?" she watched him carefully for his reaction. They didn't ever talk about Jay's father. Erin knew that Jay and Will didn't get along with him, but that was pretty much it.

Jay ran a hand over his face. "I honestly don't know. It's been years since I've talked to him. I don't know if he would ever pick up the phone if I called him. Would you want me to invite him?"

"I want you to do whatever makes you comfortable. If you want him there, then I'll go get him myself. If you don't, then we won't call him. Whatever you want, Jay."

"I'll have to think about that. I've thought about it before, but I'm not sure."

Erin decided it was time for a subject change. "Who would you have as your best man?"

"Mouse. What about you? Who would be your maid of honor?"

She thought it over. "I don't know. I don't really have any close girlfriends."

Jay grinned. "Maybe you could talk Antonio into doing it."

"That would actually be perfect." She laughed. "Maybe Burgess? She's the only friend I have that's a girl."

"Or Platt."

"If you don't stop talking, I will have Platt as my maid of honor and _you_ will be the one who is miserable." Erin smiled. "I'll have Hank walk me down the aisle, and Daniel can be our ring bearer. I don't know about a flower girl. We don't know anyone with a little girl."

"Then we won't have a flower girl." Jay said. "We're not exactly traditional people anyway, it's not like we have to have all of the traditional things."

"I guess you're right."

"Unless you want to hurry up and pop out a little girl."

Erin looked at him incredulously. "I'm onto you, Halstead. Trying to secretly get me pregnant."

"Who, me? Never." He took a drink of his wine with a smile. "Trust me. It won't be a secret when I'm trying to get you pregnant."

Erin could feel her cheeks getting red. She turned her attention to her pasta, but the smile didn't leave her face. There was nothing she loved more than talking about her future with the man she was in love with.

"Are you ready for your check? The waiter questioned.

"Yes, please." Jay responded. He looked at her once the woman had walked away. "I liked this place. It was a good choice."

"The food was amazing." Erin agreed. The waiter returned and Jay gave him his card. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, baby." He looked at her from across the table. "Is there anything else you want to add to your bucket list?"

"Not that I can think of. All I want right now is to go home with you."

Jay smiled. "I can definitely make that happen."

 **Up Next…X: X-Ray**


	25. X-Ray

**Thank you for your reviews! I'm still looking for ideas for A-Z kids!**

 **We're down to the last three! I'm in the process of writing Y, so please be patient on the next update! I'm going to try and get it done within the next week, but I have a job and I'm in college, so I don't know how realistic that actually is. I do want to try and finish Trust by the end of October though and get Kids A-Z started in November! Please review and let me know what you think!**

 **X: X-Rays**

 _*Jay will never get used to the idea of seeing Erin get hurt._

It was like any other Tuesday. The Intelligence unit was sitting at their desks, looking over credit card statements, deeds to houses, GPSs, anything that could put their latest suspect at the scene of the crime. Jay had been given the task of studying the wife of the guy they were looking at and seeing if there was anything that connected her to the crime. There was nothing unusual.

He was actually pretty bored. Erin and Antonio had been sent out about an hour ago to take a run at the guy's cousin and see what he knew about his involvement. They were suspecting their guy, Drew Carver, of stealing over a half a million dollars from his company and using it to pay off a hitman to kill his paternal half-brother, who it was now looking like was having an affair with his wife from what Jay was seeing.

"Hey Sarge." Jay called out. "I think I've got something." Voight came into the room. "We've got fourteen calls between the wife, Sharon Carver, and the victim in the past week. Any chance they could be having an affair?"

"The wife just had a baby a few months ago, right?" Ruzek chimed in. "Maybe Carver found out the kid was his brother's and that's what made him order the hit."

Before anyone could respond, Jay's phone started ringing. He looked down and saw that it was Gabby Dawson calling. He was confused on what Antonio's little sister could be calling about. He excused himself and went into the other room.

"Hey Gabby, what's up?"

"Jay, you need to get to Med." He could hear the emotion in her voice.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?"

"There was a car accident. Antonio and Erin are both unconscious. They are cutting them out right now. I just figured you needed to know."

"I'll be there. Thank you." He hung up the phone and threw open the door. It slammed against the wall and he immediately had the attention of the other five men in the room. Voight, Alvin, Mouse, Atwater, and Ruzek all looked at him questioningly.

"That was Gabby Dawson." He felt the lump in his throat getting bigger as he went to his desk and grabbed his jacket. "Erin and Antonio were in a car accident. They're cutting them out of the car and they're both unconscious. They're taking them to Med."

There wasn't even a discussion. All of the guys grabbed their jackets, even Mouse, as they ran down the stairs. Platt, Burgess, and Roman looked at them in confusion from the front desk as their group ran past and out the door.

"I'll drive, man." Ruzek offered, grabbing the keys Jay didn't even realize he had in his hand. All he knew was that he had to get to Erin. He just slid in the passenger's seat. The more he argued, the more time it would take to get there.

They turned their lights on and flew through traffic as they raced to get to where their partners were. Jay didn't know how bad it was. What if they were dead? This was the love of his life and one of his best friends that they were talking about.

"Did she say what happened?" Mouse asked from the backseat.

"No." Jay answered shortly. He didn't want to talk right now. He just needed to see Erin.

They got to Chicago Med in record time and Jay jumped out of the car before it was fully parked. The rest of the team was right behind him as they raced inside. He immediately spotted his brother.

"Will!" he shouted. The older Halstead brother looked confused.

"Jay? What are you guys doing here?"

"Where's Erin? Is she here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"There was an accident. Erin and Antonio…" before Jay could finish what he was saying, the emergency room doors opened and the room filled with firefighters.

"EVERYBODY BACK UP!" Will immediately took control of the situation. "If you are a firefighter or a police officer, I want you in the waiting room and out of the way so we can work!"

Jay saw Antonio for a brief second and could see that he his face was covered in blood, but his eyes were open. He saw the gurney Erin was on, but couldn't see her face. He was ushered into a chair between Gabby and Ruzek.

"What happened?" he questioned. "Did she regain consciousness? How is Antonio? Are they okay?"

"When we got there, it looked like another car had hit them head-on. After we got Antonio out, he woke up. He most likely just has a concussion." Gabby explained. "Erin was the one driving the car. We think she hit her head on the steering wheel. Sylvie said she going in and out of consciousness in the ambulance. She hurt her left arm, and I would assume has a concussion. I've seen things like this before, Jay. I'm sure they'll be fine."

Will came into the waiting area. "Jay? Erin's asking for you."

He shot up faster than anyone had ever seen him move and followed his brother down the hallway. Erin was sitting in an exam room bed now. Her eyes were closed and her head was leaned back against the pillow.

"Here he is." Will announced.

"Hey baby." Jay went to her and kissed her forehead, her nose, and then her lips. He rested their foreheads against each other. "How do you feel?"

"Perfect." She said with a smile. Immediately after, she winced, making both of them laugh quietly.

"Can you give her something for the pain?" Jay demanded.

"I tried, but she refused to even let me look at her until I brought you in here."

Jay gave Erin a disapproving look. She smiled sheepishly. "What? I knew you would be worried." She looked to Will. "How's Antonio?"

"He is awake and talking. Right now, it's looking like you both got out of this with just a couple of scrapes and bruises." Will pulled a stool over and sat down on Erin's left side. Jay took the chair on her right. "Erin, can you tell me what happened to you?"

"I was in a car accident."

"Do you remember what happened before?"

"Antonio and I were questioning our suspect's cousin." Will looked to Jay, who nodded to confirm this.

"Alright, good." Will marked something down on the piece of paper he was using.

Jay studied Erin. He noticed the way she was anxiously playing with her fingers and biting her lip. He could see that her eyes were half closed as if the lights in the room were too bright for her.

"How do you feel physically?"

"I've got a headache and I'm nauseous."

"That's it."

"Mmhmm."

Will reached out and touched her left arm. She immediately yelped in pain. Jay gave his brother a dirty look, which Will ignored.

"Erin, I need you to be honest with me. I need to know everything that is going on so I can find out if there is something serious that happened to you from the car accident."

"My left arm hurts a lot." Erin muttered. Will reached out for it again. "Please don't touch it."

Jay stood up when he heard the desperation in her voice. "Get away from her."

"I'm just going to look at it." Will promised. He gently lifted her arm up, which had Erin gritting her teeth to avoid crying out. She squeezed Jay's hand with her right hand and waited for it to be over. "I'm going to order an x-ray for your arm. I think it might be broken."

"Okay." Erin agreed. She pulled her arm closer to her chest. She felt a familiar feeling creep into her stomach. She looked at Jay and realized he must have known what was happening too. He grabbed the garbage can that was by the door and handed it to her right as she leaned over and threw up into it.

Jay watched Will make another note on his paper as he held Erin's hair with one hand and rubbed her back with the other. As she finished up, Will got her a cup of water, which she drank quickly.

"Thank you." She leaned back against the pillows in exhaustion.

"Alright Erin, I'm pretty sure that you have a concussion. If you're okay with it, I would like to take you down to get a CT, just to be safe."

"That's fine." She nodded her head. "Can I sleep?"

"I want you to try and stay awake, okay?" Jay must have looked nervous, because Will looked to him. "Jay, it's normal to feel more tired with a concussion. Her brain has just been knocked around her head. Erin, I'm going to go sign you up for an x-ray and a CT, and while I'm out there, I'll see what I can find out about Antonio."

"Thank you, Will." She smiled at him.

"Thanks, Will." Jay repeated.

"We've got a waiting room full of firefighters and cops, Erin. You mind if I give them an update on your condition?" Will wondered.

"Go ahead. Tell them I said to get back to work."

He laughed. "I'll be back soon." He left the room.

Jay leaned forward and kissed Erin's cheek. "I'm so happy you're okay. When Gabby called, I had no idea what to expect."

"Gabby was the one who called you?"

Jay nodded. "She was on the scene when they pulled you guys out of the car. She said that she thought I would like to know what was going on."

"I'm okay." She reassured him. "A little sore, but I'm alright."

"She told me that you and Antonio were unconscious and that they had to cut you both out of the car. I'm just glad you're alive." He kissed her quickly. "Love you."

"I love you too."

They exchanged details of the case for the next couple of minutes in an attempt to keep Erin awake. Jay could see her eyes getting heavier and he knew she was tired, but he wanted to follow Will's orders.

"Alright, it's time to get you down to CT. We're going to go there first, and then to x-ray. I went and told everyone how you are and they all started cheering so loud that they got kicked out of the hospital and told to go back to work."

Erin and Jay smiled. That sounded like their friends. He leaned down to kiss her quickly.

"I'll be here when you get back, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled as his brother took her to get her head scanned.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

A couple hours later, Erin and Jay were walking into their apartment. Erin's arm was just sprained and she had to keep it in a sling for two weeks to keep it from moving too much, but other than that, she was okay. They had seen Antonio before he left and he had gotten off slightly easier with just a minor concussion. The two of them had gotten extremely lucky; based on the sight of their car, it could have been much worse.

Jay could tell how tired she was, so when Erin went over to the couch and sank down, he didn't say anything. He pulled her boots off her feet and set them neatly next to the door, then put his own boots next to them. He started to go into the kitchen.

"Can you lay with me?" Erin asked.

"I was going to cook dinner."

"I don't want dinner right now. I just want you to hold me."

On a normal day, Jay would have protested that she needed to eat. But he couldn't stand seeing her in pain and knowing that she was hurting. He went over to her and waited for her to sit up before laying down on the couch. She cuddled into his chest, careful of her injured arm, and he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so happy you're okay." He told her.

"Me too." She agreed.

"You are pretty accident prone, you know that?"

"I would hit you if I knew it wouldn't hurt my arm."

Jay just laughed. "It's days like this where I realize just how important you are to me. Every day, I wake up and I look at you and I know that I love you. But when you are hurt and there's a chance that it could all be taken away from me…that's how I know that I need you to be in my life for forever." He waited, trying to gage her reaction to what he just said.

Erin lifted her head from his chest and kissed him quickly. "I'll always be here. Forever. You're not getting off that easy, Halstead."

"Good to know, Lindsay."

She laid her head back down. He stroked her hair gently and thought about their future together as she slowly fell asleep.

 **Up Next…Y: Yes**


	26. Yes

**Thank you for your reviews! I'm still looking for ideas for A-Z kids!**

 **I know I said I wanted to end this by October, but I was so busy that I haven't had any time to write until today. I'm not going to try and give you a time on when Z will be out because it seems like every time I do, it takes forever, but I will try and do it soon! I was so sad writing this when I realized that it's almost over! I think you all know what this chapter is about and I hope that it lived up to expectations!**

 **Also, as a side note, for anyone who has been to Disney World, can you tell me your experiences with it, what it's like, rides that are there, anything about it? For one of the chapters in the A-Z Kids story, I have it planned that Linstead will takes their kids to Disney, but I have never been there, so I have no idea how to write it! Let me know all about Disney World!**

 **But most of all, tell me your thoughts on this chapter and what you want to see for the Linstead wedding!**

 **Y: Yes**

 _*When Jay bought the ring, he wasn't sure when he would use it. But now seems as good of a time as ever, and he's just hoping Erin will say 'yes'._

Jay and Erin talked about the future a lot. It was usually just brought up in random conversation, but it was happening more and more as the days went on. Jay was one hundred percent sure, without a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

For a while, he hadn't known where Erin's head was. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her into something that she wasn't ready for. So, he waited. He always talked in loose terms, never putting a specific timeline on anything or trying to make her feel like he was trapping her into something.

But then, Erin started to be the one to bring up the conversations. She would ask him things about how he envisioned their future, and about how he felt about certain aspects of their life together. That's how Jay knew that she was just as ready for this as he was. He was sure that she would be scared, but who wasn't? It was going to be a big commitment, but it was one that they were ready to make to each other.

Jay knew that it was time to propose.

He had never proposed to a woman before, but he had seen enough movies to know that usually, the guy went to the girlfriend's best friend and asked her to help pick out the ring. Unfortunately for him, Erin didn't really have a best friend that he could go to for advice. All of their friends were guys who would be just as clueless, if not more clueless, than he was. He could always ask Burgess, but he figured that she and Erin weren't really close enough for her to know that much.

He decided to drop the idea of a ring for a little while and to go and talk to Hank. Jay wanted his sergeant's permission for this engagement. If Hank said no, he would still move forward, but his blessing would be appreciated and he knew that Erin would love to know that her father figure approved of their relationship.

It was a Sunday morning when Jay finally got the courage to go talk to Hank. Erin had gone to breakfast with Alvin and his daughters, so Jay took the opportunity. He jumped in the car and drove over to Voight's.

It felt strange walking up to the front door without her since he had only ever been there with her, but he sucked it up anyway. He knocked on the door twice and stood back. Voight opened the door and looked at him in surprise.

"Halstead. Is Erin alright?"

"Yeah, she's fine. I'm actually here to talk to you."

Voight studied him for a second, then stepped back. "Come in."

Jay walked in. He looked around, though he wasn't sure why. He had been in Voight's house plenty of times, but it still didn't stop his nerves. He rubbed his hands across his jeans to stop them from accumulating sweat.

"Can we sit?" he asked.

Voight gestured for the kitchen table and Jay led the way. The two men sat across from each other. He took a deep breath and then just said it, knowing that the direct approach was the best way to go about it.

"I want to ask Erin to marry me."

He watched Hank's face carefully. The older man's fist clenched, and then unclenched. Jay wanted to break eye contact with him, but he didn't. He continued to stare at him and didn't waiver. He knew he couldn't back down.

"Jay, I was hesitant to bring you into my unit. I only knew about you what I had heard from Antonio. You questioned every order I gave you. But you were a solid cop with a good head on your shoulders, and you always had Erin's back. I trusted you to be her partner. You have never let me down. I still don't like the idea of in house relationships, but the two of you have kept it professional and managed to keep your personal life out of work.

"More importantly than that, you know how Erin works. You've seen her at her worst. _You_ are the one who brought her back from the edge after Nadia died. _You_ held her after she found Allie's body and helped her fight through the drug withdrawals. _You_ have made her see that she's so much more than what she was raised to be. Because of you, she's grown as a person. I don't see that lost little girl as much.

"When I started seeing that the two of you liked each other, I told Erin that she had left a string of broken hearts behind her since she was fifteen years old. I told her that I was looking out for you because I knew her and I know how she is. But somehow, you've gotten her to stick around. You've helped her to see that your relationship is worth fighting for, and you've changed her for the better. I had always thought there was a chance she could damage you with her past, but it seems like you healed her."

Jay was shocked at the words he was hearing from Voight. The most he had ever heard from him was, "I need to know someone has Lindsay's back at all times", or, "you're a good guy, Jay". This had to be Voight giving him approval.

"If you want to marry Erin, then I'm sure she would love that." Voight finally smiled and held out a hand to him. "Welcome to the family."

Jay shook his hand as a smile broke out on his face. The two men stood.

"Thank you, sir. I swear to you that I will do everything I can to make her happy for the rest of our lives."

"What would you have done if I said no?" Voight wondered.

"I would have married her still, but it means so much more having your approval."

"Have you chosen a ring yet?"

"No. I'm not really sure what to choose. It's not like Erin really has any girlfriends to ask. I'm just going to wing it."

"There's no need for that. Come here." Voight led Jay down to the basement. Jay had only been down there a handful of times, but he followed him anyway. He watched Voight get into his safe and saw the man pull out a ring. "This was Camille's. Erin always loved it, and Camille made me promise to give it to her."

Jay took the ring. "Thank you. I know she'll love it."

"She deserves to be happy."

"I know she does. More than anyone in this world."

"When are you going to do it?"

"I want to take her to dinner, and then ask her later on at the apartment. I don't want to ask her in public because I don't want to make her feel pressured into anything. I'm not sure when I'll do it, but soon."

Voight nodded his head. "I wasn't sure if I would like you at first, but you're a good guy for Erin, Jay."

"Thank you." Jay put the ring in his pocket. "I've got to go; Erin will be home soon." He shook Hank's hand again.

"Thank you for asking my permission. It means a lot." Hank told him as he walked him out.

"I wouldn't go behind your back. I learned that that isn't really the way to do things." Jay joked, referencing his and Erin's attempts at sneaking around.

"Get home, Halstead."

"Yes, sir."

As Jay walked to the car, he smiled. He had permission, now he just had to propose.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Two weeks had passed since Jay had asked Voight for his approval. He had been planning out his proposal and it was finally the night. They were supposed to get off work tonight at a reasonable time, he would take her to dinner at her favorite Italian place, and then they would go back to their apartment and he would pop the question.

It was easy enough. Every time he thought about it, he fought the urge to smile and also throw up. It was nerve wracking to think about the possibility that Erin might say no. He knew that her biggest enemy was herself and there was a chance that she may deny herself the happiness that she deserved. If she said no, he would do everything he possibly could to change her mind, but he was hoping it didn't come down to that.

"Good morning." He greeted his girlfriend as he exited the bathroom and saw her eyes were now open, though she was still lying in bed. It made his heart flip at the idea that tomorrow, he could be calling her his fiancée.

Erin was clearly still adjusting to the amount of light in the bedroom, but she smiled at him anyway. She reached her arms in his direction and he went to her. He sat down on the bed and she pulled him to where he was lying next to her and she could cuddle into him. Jay would never get over how cuddly she was. Because of her tough exterior, he never would have imagined it, but she was one of the cuddliest people he had ever met. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her close to him. He knew they should be getting ready for work, but right now, this was better.

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked as he traced patterns on her lower back where her shirt had ridden up.

"Mmhmm." She hummed. "You?"

"Yeah." Jay kissed the tip of her nose. "Alright baby, we've gotta get up. Come on." He pulled her up to a sitting position and got out of bed. Erin watched as he finished getting dressed. Her elbow was resting on her knee and her chin rested in her hand as her eyes fluttered open and shut. Jay shook his head at how cute she was. "Did I keep you up too late last night?"

Erin rolled her eyes. "Don't get cocky, Halstead." She flung the blankets off of her bare legs and Jay was momentarily distracted. She was wearing only his t-shirt and she knew how to swing her hips just that extra amount to make it impossible for him to form words. Jay turned and walked out of the room to make coffee and let her get ready.

Twenty minutes later, Erin walked out of the bedroom fully dressed. Jay had his back leaning up against the counter with his coffee in his left hand and his phone in his right. He pretended like he didn't notice her walk into the room, but she refused to be ignored. She came over to him and stood in front of him.

"Your coffee's right there." He told her, gesturing towards the counter where he had already made her cup of coffee. Erin's lips were slightly pouted and she raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"You didn't kiss me."

Jay smiled down at her, which only made her frown more. He put his coffee down and then gently grabbed her chin in his hand, pressing their lips together. He deepened the kiss quickly and turned so Erin's back was against the counter. If his girl wanted a kiss, he would give her a kiss.

He pulled back after a few minutes and sucked in air. He could see Erin's chest heaving.

"How was that?"

Erin leaned up on her tippy toes to press one more quick kiss against his lips. She smiled contently and grabbed her cup of coffee, drinking slowly as she caught her breath.

"We've gotta go. We're gonna be late." Jay told her as he glanced at the clock.

"Maybe if you would have kissed me when I woke up like a normal person, that wouldn't be happening." Erin remarked.

Jay looked at her. "Are you complaining about the kiss I just gave you?"

"Not at all."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He grabbed both of their phones, guns, and badges while Erin got her shoes on. He slid his jacket on, then held out her coat for her to put her arms into. They both grabbed their respective items and headed out the door.

Jay realized this could be the last normal morning of their lives. If she said no, then everything tomorrow would be different. Even if she said yes, then things would be different. They would be preparing to get married. They would be making a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together.

"Uh, Jay?" he looked over at Erin, who was staring at him. "Are you going to get off the elevator?"

He just laughed and followed her to the car. She drove, like always, and they joked and laughed the entire way to the district.

They walked upstairs together and noticed that they were the last ones to arrive. Antonio noticed their entrance.

"We got a lead on Zamprogna." He announced. "We roll out in five."

Jay and Erin quickly jumped into action and started preparing. They put their stuff down and went to go strap on their vests. Erin turned around so that Jay could buckle hers up properly.

"Do you think this is what we've been waiting for?" she asked. Zamprogna was a heavy hitter in a gang that they had been working on taking down for almost a month now. He had been killing the children of members of a rival gang and they were trying to prevent any more unnecessary deaths.

"God, I hope so." Jay finished with her vest and turned so that she could do his. He also hoped that everything with this went routinely and they were still able to get out of work on time tonight. A big takedown usually meant a lot of paperwork, and he had reservations for seven tonight at the restaurant. He was done pushing things off; he wanted to propose to Erin.

It didn't take long before they were all in their cars and driving towards the place they had been tipped off to where Zamprogna might be hiding out at. Erin was behind the wheel and even though Jay made a lot of comments about not getting to drive, there was no one he trusted more. Erin was a great tactical driver; honestly she was probably the best on the team.

They pulled up to an older warehouse that sat pretty close to the river. Jay immediately got a feeling in the pit of his stomach that something wasn't right. One look at Erin told him that she was feeling the same thing. She kept her foot on the brake and waited for Voight's voice over the radio to tell them what to do next.

"Everyone, let's go in. Al and Atwater, you take the back."

She put the car in park and they slowly got out of the vehicle. They joined the rest of the team near the front of the warehouse and prepared to breech it. It was broad daylight, but it still felt eerie.

"Does anyone else get a bad feeling about this?" Ruzek voiced.

Voight gave him a look that shut him up. "Break it down."

Ruzek lifted his leg and kicked the door in. "CHICAGO PD!" he entered the dimly lit warehouse, followed quickly by Antonio and they went to the left. Jay went next and he felt Erin's tiny hand on his shoulder as he went to the right. He looked around and saw shelves full of boxes lining the room. He barely saw the gleam of metal behind one of them.

"GUN!" he yelled just as bullets started to fly towards them. He turned his body just enough to avoid being hit and also managed to slam Erin into the wall in the same movement. They ducked down and took cover.

"This is Detective Erin Lindsay, we are under heavy fire, requesting immediate backup." He listening as Erin rattled off their address into her radio. He knew that it wasn't likely that backup would arrive in time. They had walked right into an ambush. They should have listened to their guts. He hadn't felt right, he knew Erin hadn't felt right, even Ruzek wasn't feeling right. They should have called in backup before they even touched the door to this place.

He wondered if Al and Atwater even got in the door or if they were gunned down. None of them even had their long guns; once they saw that this place looked abandoned, they had figured that it was a false tip and didn't bother to grab them.

They were so stupid.

"Antonio's been hit!" they heard Ruzek's voice frantically call over the radio.

Jay looked over Erin quickly, making sure that no bullets had managed to hit her before he had pulled her down. He saw that her eyes were scanning him too. He turned and leaned up to assess the situation. There had to be at least ten guys and they were packing pretty heavy artillery. They didn't really stand a chance.

He saw someone starting to return fire. He figured that it must be Voight. They still hadn't heard anything from Al and Atwater, so he was hoping that they were alive. Jay sat back down.

"What's the plan?" she asked him. "What do you wanna do? Wait for backup? Return fire?"

"Marry me." He said suddenly. It sort of slid out before he meant for it to, but he didn't regret it. If they were going to die, then he wanted to die knowing she was his fiancée.

"What?" Erin's voice softened.

Jay reached into his pocket, which was a little difficult given the cramped up space they were in, but he pulled out the tiny black box he had been carrying around for weeks now. "I was going to do this at dinner tonight, but I don't know if we're going to survive that long. I love you, Erin. Marry me." He opened it up.

"Camille's ring. But how…"

"Voight gave it to me."

She smiled. "Yes."

Jay slid it onto her finger and leaned forward to kiss her. "I say if we're going down, we go down with a fight. Return fire?"

"Return fire." Erin confirmed. "I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed her again quickly. He looked at that ring on her finger and he knew that he had a reason to get through this. He had to play this safe.

"How's Antonio?" he called over the radio.

"Hanging in there. Bullet hit his arm." Ruzek answered. "What's the plan?"

"Return fire."

"Got it."

And a few seconds later, three more guns joined in the battle as Jay, Erin, and Adam started to fire back at the gang members. Jay could see that it was definitely Voight who had been shooting before, and he was still aiming for their attackers. Jay heard a fifth gun join in and he saw the top of Antonio's head as the man joined in. That was just like Antonio to still shoot, even with a bullet in one arm. But that still didn't reassure him. Where were Alvin and Atwater?

He heard a sharp intake of breath next to him and looked over to see Erin with a hand wrapped around her throat. It was none other than Arturo Zamprogna, the man they had been hunting for. Jay knew what this guy was capable of. Two days ago, he had killed a four-year-old little girl and left her in the middle of the street like garbage. He wouldn't hesitate to hurt Erin.

"Put your gun down or I'll kill her." Zamprogna threatened as he pressed a gun to Erin's temple. Jay could already see Erin's face started to turn a little red from lack of oxygen. He carefully lowered his gun to the ground. "DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"

Zamprogna dragged Erin into the center of where the bullets were flying between the two different sides. Jay's jaw clenched; if a bullet hit her, he would personally choke Zamprogna until the life went out of his eyes.

"I'm sick of ya'll prying into my business." Zamprogna stated. Jay figured it was pointless to hide anymore. He walked out from behind where he had taken cover. He picked up Erin's gun and tucked it into his waistband and grabbed his own gun and held it out towards Zamprogna. Voight, Ruzek, and Antonio joined him. He noticed Antonio's shirt was splattered with blood, but he seemed to be doing alright. He had lived through worse. "Do I come to your job and complain when ya'll kill people who didn't do the crime? Karma has a way of getting to people."

"So you're saying karma got a four-year-old little girl killed?"

"I don't know nothin' about a four-year-old." The smile on his face said something different and Jay had to clench his fist to keep from firing his gun straight into his skull. He didn't have a clear shot and there were too many other men behind him that he couldn't see; too many chances that Erin could get hurt.

Erin's face was still bright red and he could see that she was struggling to breathe. Jay almost said something, until he looked behind her and saw one of Zamprogna's men slowly fall to the ground. Through the light that barely leaked in through the cracks of the warehouse, he caught a glimpse of Al's face.

Al was taking out Zamprogna's men.

"I think you do know what I'm talking about." Jay said, trying to keep him talking so he would keep his attention on them instead of on what was going on behind him. "I think you kill children because it's easier. You would rather attack women and children because they're not as strong. You couldn't handle someone who is your own size, so you go after people who you can actually overpower. People think you're ruthless, but I just think you're a coward."

"Why should I care what you think, pretty boy?" Zamprogna laughed. "I have respect on the streets. What do you have? A piece of plastic saying people should respect you? I've got people who would kill for me."

"So do I." Jay gestured to Voight, Antonio, and Ruzek who all had their guns trained carefully on the gang member. "And so does she so you better watch how tight you're holding onto her neck."

Zamprogna laughed as he looked at Erin. He let go of her neck, making Jay sigh in relief. She was starting to turn a little blue. Zamprogna studied Erin. "I thought lady cops were supposed to be ugly. You're gorgeous. I could use you." He ran his index finger along the outline of her lips, keeping his arm locked around her waist so she couldn't move. Erin was pretty strong for her size, but this man easily had over a hundred pounds on her and he was over six feet tall.

Jay didn't care how many more men there were. He knew that they could take them. He lined up the shot and fired, watching as Zamprogna and Erin fell to the ground. No shots came afterwards.

He ran forward and shoved Zamprogna's body off of her. Erin looked winded as she struggled to catch her breath. His dead weight had fallen on top of her and that, combined with the fact that he had just been choking her, was making it difficult for her to breath. Jay grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to sit up.

"Get her up and let's get out of here." Voight commanded from where he was checking Zamprogna's pulse.

Jay just lifted her into his arms and carried her out of the door. They all walked outside together.

"You're lucky we took them all out in time." Alvin told Jay as he and Atwater came over to where Jay set Erin down on the trunk of the car.

"I saw you taking one out. I knew that you were there." He answered. "I couldn't watch him hurt her."

"You did good, Jay." Al patted his back. "You good, Erin?"

"I'm good."

"What's this?" Alvin looked at her left hand.

Erin smiled. "Jay asked me to marry him."

Alvin hugged her. "Congratulations." He shook Jay's hand. "Don't you dare hurt her."

"If I do, I'll put myself in the river."

"Congratulations." Atwater hugged both Erin and Jay. "We need a Molly's night to celebrate."

"We'll have to do it soon, Kev." Jay agreed.

Antonio came over to them next. "Are you okay?" he asked Erin.

"I'm fine. Are you?"

"Pretty sure the bullet missed anything major since I'm still alive. Probably just a graze." Jay noticed his attention was elsewhere and he followed his eyes to Erin's neck. She had a large handprint there from where Zamprogna had been grabbing her. "That was a good shot, Jay."

"Thanks." Jay reached out and gently touched Erin's neck. "Maybe we should go to Med and have Will check you out, just to make sure you're alright."

Erin brought her hand up and put it over Jay's. "I'm okay, Jay."

"Look who finally popped the question!" Ruzek shouted as he joined the group, catching the attention of all the guys. "Is that a ring I see on your finger, Linds?"

"Wow everyone, the guy who's proposed to three different women knows what an engagement ring looks like!" Erin teased. "Yes, Jay proposed."

They were congratulated again and Erin couldn't keep the smile off of her face. She had always thought that she would be a little hesitant when it came to marriage, but there had been no doubt in her mind when Jay asked her. She was ready to take the next step with him in their relationship. She was one hundred percent sure that she was ready for him to be her husband.

The ambulance finally showed up that had been called for Antonio, along with their back-up. She couldn't believe that this entire ordeal had only lasted about fifteen minutes. As the guys went to brief everyone on what happened, she saw Hank watching her. She looked at Jay and he understood what she needed. He went to join the others.

"Congratulations." He said with a small smile. She was still sitting on the back of the car, so he leaned up against it.

"You gave him Camille's ring?"

"You should have seen how nervous he was when he showed up at my door. The kid was practically shaking."

"What did he say?" Hank gave her a look; she knew he wouldn't tell her that. Whatever had been said between him and Jay would stay between the two of them.

"He's a good man, Erin. When he first came into my unit, I didn't want to like him. He was the only one brave enough to question me. But I figured that I trust him enough to guard your life. I can start to trust him to guard your heart too."

Erin leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you."

"Don't break his heart."

"I won't."

"And don't let him break yours either."

"Not possible."

"And tell Halstead that a proposal at work isn't exactly my idea of keeping it professional."

Erin's mouth dropped open. "He was being spontaneous! He wasn't sure if we were making it out of there. He said he had plans for dinner tonight."

"I'm just joking, kiddo." Hank wrapped his arm around her. "I'm happy for you. You know I love you and I'm proud of you, right?"

"I love you too." Erin smiled.

"Now go get checked out by the paramedics."

"Hank…"

"Either you get checked out here or I'll have Halstead drive you to Med. Your choice."

Erin sulked over to the paramedics, joining Antonio and Jay. The latter smiled when he saw her. "Hey, what did Voight say?"

"Just wanted to congratulate me. Told me that you asked his permission."

"I told you I wasn't the type to sneak around behind Dad's back."

"It means a lot to me, Jay. And to him."

Jay wrapped his arm around her waist. "I know." He kissed the top of her head and then pulled back from her to maintain their professionalism. Even though they were both ecstatic about their new relationship status, they were still at work. "Now you better get checked out or we're not going to dinner tonight."

"You sound just like Hank." Erin mumbled. But she would deal with the overprotectiveness if it meant she got to spend the rest of her life with the man she was in love with.

 **Up Next…Z: Zip Me**


	27. Zip Me

**It's finally here!**

 **We've reached the end of Trust! I just want to thank you all for reading and reviewing and sticking by this story. This was my first Chicago PD story and you all were so encouraging and it has been so much fun to write this. I can't believe that it is actually over, and I'm so sad. I think this is actually the first story I have ever written where the main characters didn't have kids, which was what my intention was and was what I was trying to challenge myself to do.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's the longest one of the series, which I hope makes up for the last couple chapters that were super short. This is the Linstead wedding, which we've all been waiting for and it took FOREVER to write. I tried to include all the important people from the story since this was pretty much the ending of Trust, so I hope I did it in a way that everyone enjoys.**

 **Let me know your favorite parts of the wedding, least favorite parts of the wedding, what you think of Erin's and Jay's vows, and just tell me what you think in general! I want to hear your opinions!**

 **Z: Zip Me**

 _*Erin and Jay's wedding day finally arrives and neither of them could be happier._

Jay had always known that one day, when he found the right girl, he would get married. It had just been an unspoken thing that he had grown up with the knowledge of. His grandparents on his mom's side had always had the most amazing relationship. He could remember them always joking around with each other and being so in love until the day his grandfather died. His grandmother followed a few years later, but while she was still around, she had always reminded him how he needed to respect women and treat his future wife the way his grandfather had treated her. When he was younger, his own parents had always had a strong relationship and he knew that they loved each other, and even in the end, he knew his father loved his mother in his own way.

Growing up, Jay had had his share of relationships. He wasn't a ladies' man by any means, but there were a couple of girls. He could still remember his first girlfriend in the first grade and how they had played together on the playground during recess for a week before eventually drifting away from each other. He smiled now at the memory; he had been so naïve.

Will had gone through girlfriends like it was nothing. In high school, his brother had no respect for girls and he could still remember watching him break up with many of them. He had sat on their front porch and watched one girl run back to her car crying after Will had told her off and Jay had vowed then that he never wanted to be that person.

His only real relationship had been Allie Corson. He and Allie had been friends first, and then they progressed into something more. He had always treated Allie with respect, and they dated for a while, but they had grown and matured and their relationship couldn't stand the test of time. Their friendship lasted though and Jay still talked to her from time to time. He could still never say a bad thing about her. He just wasn't that kind of person.

He dated Gabby Dawson for a little bit, and while that was nice, they were better off as friends. But that relationship had led to his friendship with Antonio, which later led to his job in Intelligence, which would ultimately lead to his current relationship, so he must have done something right with Gabby. Not to say he had used her. He definitely had felt something for Gabby at the time, but things just didn't work out. She worked better with Casey and he worked better with Erin.

Until Erin, Jay had never truly felt what it was like to be in love. He had known there was something different about her the moment he had seen her. Their playful banter flowed seamlessly, and he was drawn to her like he had never been drawn to another person. It was almost like he _needed_ to be around her. He was surprised at how easy it was to talk to her. He didn't mind when she would boss him around or treat him like a house husband. Jay allowed himself to trust her pretty easily, which didn't come naturally to him. Sure, there were things he didn't like to talk to her about, like Afghanistan or his parents, but she didn't push him. _That_ is what made her special. She got it. She had her own demons and she understood what it was like to want to bury certain things from your past, but also to know that there was another person there to talk about it with you if you wanted to.

And now, he was going to marry her.

After the proposal, they had gotten right into the wedding planning. Jay hadn't expected it to be a long process. He and Erin were both pretty simple people and they knew how to communicate well with each other. It took them a total of four months to throw together their wedding and now, it was the day that he would promise to spend the rest of his life with her.

He hadn't broken a promise to her yet, and this definitely was not the one that he was planning on breaking.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts and he turned his head at Ruzek and Atwater burst into the room, both of them with big grins on their faces. Jay stood to greet them.

"Wow, he does own a tux!" Antonio joked as he followed them in the door. "We weren't sure, we've never seen you in anything other than jeans." He pulled him in for a hug. "How you feelin', bro?"

"Good." And he was. Jay thought he would be nervous, but the feeling hadn't come yet. He knew that Erin was; she had already texted him twice about little details that she thought they forgot about that he had handled. He was sure that she was getting restless and biting her lip like she always did when she was nervous.

"I can't believe you're going and getting married on us." Ruzek stated as he practically threw himself on the loveseat. "Where are we going to have our hockey nights?"

"You act like Erin and I weren't living together before this and you didn't come over for hockey nights already." Jay stated, reaching over to knock Adam's feet off of the table.

He was glad that the guys were there. Before they had come, he was pretty much just staring at the wall. He had been ready for about a half an hour now and just waiting for the call that he could come to the church. Erin was getting ready in a room there, so he had gotten the whole apartment to himself to get dressed.

"Yo, where's Mouse?" Atwater chimed in from where he was raiding the refrigerator. Jay shook his head; his friends were the worst house guests, with the exception of Antonio.

"He was picking up Will and then coming over here." Jay craned his neck to see what Atwater was doing. "Kev, if you're drinking anything straight out of the carton again, Erin will kill you."

"It's gonna expire anyway while ya'll are gone on the honeymoon." Atwater raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively as Ruzek started to make noises and Antonio grinned.

"Children. You're all children." There was a knocked on the door and Jay got up to answer it, revealing Mouse and Will.

"Big day, man." Mouse hugged Jay, patting him on the back. He entered the apartment.

Will gave Jay a hug too and then looked at him weird. "Why is your face all red?"

Ruzek and Atwater howled with laughter. Jay just shook his head and moved aside so Will could come in. He closed the door behind him and prayed that the time would pass quickly so he could get to the church. All he wanted to do was get married to his girl.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

From the time she woke up that morning, Erin had been nervous. She didn't know why she had let Burgess and Gabby talk her into spending the night before the wedding away from Jay. All she wanted was to wake up with his arms around her and to have him reassure her.

There was not one little part of her that regretted saying yes to marrying him or to going through with the wedding. But she was nervous this regardless. She was scared that something would go wrong or something bad would happen and it was all she could think about. If Jay was here, she knew that he would have kissed her and held her and told her that everything was going to be perfect because it was them and now, it would always be the two of them.

But instead, she had woken up in her childhood bedroom in Voight's house to the smell of eggs and bacon because Burgess and Gabby had talked her into spending the night away from her fiancé. But she did wake up to a sweet good morning text from Jay where he said how excited he was to marry her and wake up next to her every morning for the rest of their lives, so that definitely made up for how cold she was from not having the extra body heat of another person lying next to her.

The morning had gone pretty smoothly. She and Hank had eaten breakfast together, and then she showered and they drove to the church. During this time, she was so grateful for her father figure. Erin didn't have a lot of girlfriends or a mom to be there, so Hank was really stepping up. He was going to spend the day with her while she got ready, and while he could drive her crazy sometimes, he was a blessing today.

"Who all is coming to the church to help you get ready?" Hank asked as he carried in the bag that contained her wedding dress. It was elegant but simple; Hank had said that it reminded him a lot of the dress Camille wore to their wedding.

"Gabby, Kim, and Sylvie will all be here in a little bit, and then the hair and makeup ladies. Olive will be here with Daniel soon too. I think Platt said she wanted to stop by and I told her I would like that."

"You're good to her, Erin. You know she thinks of you as family."

"I know." Erin nodded. "I think of her as family too. I don't really have a lot, so if she wants to come, then I would love it."

"I want to do this before everyone comes then." Hank pulled something out of his pocket. Erin saw that it was a white envelope and when he handed it to her, she immediately recognized Camille's loopy cursive on the front of it.

"What?" she practically whispered. "Hank…"

"When she was in the hospital, she wrote this letter for me to give to you on your wedding day. I've kept it in the safe all these years, waiting for this day. Erin, Camille would have loved Jay. I know that I gave you a hard time in the beginning of your relationship, but it was only because I didn't want you to end up with a broken heart. I just want you to know how proud I am of you and of the woman that you have become. When you were fifteen years old, I never would have thought that I would be standing here in front of the beautiful woman you are now and about to hand her off to one of the best men I know. I have completely faith that you and Halstead are gonna make this work, and I'm so glad that I've gotten to be a part of your life. If Camille were here, I know she would be saying the same thing. I know we were tough on you when you were younger, but it was just because we wanted you to be the best person that you could be. I truly believe that you've become that person. I love you, kiddo."

"I love you, too." Erin hugged him tightly as a tear slid down her cheek. She felt him kiss the side of her head and she squeezed him one more time before pulling back. She looked down at the letter in her hands. "Do you know what she wrote?"

"No, I never looked. I can give you some privacy…"

"I wanna read it together."

Erin and Hank sat down on the couch together. She carefully ripped open the seal of the envelope and pulled out the letter. Both of their breaths caught in their throats at the sight of her handwriting on the page.

 _Erin,_

 _Most people would say this is morbid, sitting here in a hospital bed and writing a letter to my daughter that she'll open one day on her wedding day. But I just want to be prepared in case something goes wrong. I know that you and Hank would understand though; you both are so much alike, especially in the way that your minds always go to worst case scenario._

 _I feel like I should begin this letter by saying I love you. If I'm gone, then it'll probably be a while since you've heard that, so Erin, I love you. Our family was just stumbling along, only part of the way complete until you came along. Now I know you always say that I didn't like you when you first came, and that is partly true. How would you feel if your husband brought home a mouthy teenager you've never met and told you she would be moving in? But you grew on me pretty quickly. You have a way of growing on people, you know. You're pretty easy to love. And after I fell in love with you, there was never a time I regretted it. I know you always felt guilty for little things, like when I spent my Christmas money to buy you new clothes, or when Justin got suspended from school to beat up that punk who hurt you, but that is what family does for each other, and Erin,_ _you are family_ _._

 _If you're reading this letter, then it means that this must be your wedding day! First of all, let me say congratulations. I know that he has to be a good guy or else Hank would have never let this happen. I'm proud of you, sweetheart. I'm proud that you have finally opened up your heart and let someone else in enough that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with him. Keep opening up your heart, okay? You can never share too much. If you are ashamed to share parts of yourself with this person, then they are not right for you. But I know that whoever you have chosen has fallen in love with every part of you, even the bad and the ugly, so just be you, Erin. Don't try and change or be someone you are not. If this is the man that I imagine he would be, then he won't try and change you anyway, but I just feel like that is something you need to hear._

 _I know that you are going to be the most beautiful bride in the world. Make sure you look at yourself in the mirror and you_ feel _beautiful. Be confident today. This is_ your _day. You are the most gorgeous woman that I have ever met, inside and out, and I want you to feel like you are too. I know you have struggled in the past with feeling like you are not beautiful, but Erin, you are going to look amazing. If you need your hair and makeup redone ten times today to feel like you look perfect, then do it. It's your day!_

 _I hope you know that no matter what, I am always with you. Say hello to Hank and Justin for me and let them know that I love them, and that they have my permission to hurt this man you're marrying if he ever hurts you. I love you so much, Erin, and I am so proud of you._

 _Camille_

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Hank felt a single tear fall from his eye as he finished reading the letter. He looked over and saw that Erin has tears pouring down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around him and he pulled her close as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I wish she was here." She cried.

"Me too. More than anything." Hank stroked her hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Justin…"

"I know." Hank rocked her gently back and forth. He could feel her shaking in his arms and knew that this was all of her pent up anxiety and nerves coming out along with her feelings about the letter. "Shhh, it's okay. Calm down, Erin."

He could feel her start to hyperventilate and knew she was having a panic attack now. "Take deep breaths, Erin. Come on. Breathe in and out." She was struggling. "Do you want me to call Jay?" she actually focused on his face at that, so he took that as a yes. "Keep breathing, nice and slow. I'm going to call Jay but you need to try and breathe."

Hank knew that Erin had been a real anxious teenager. She had a history of panic attacks, and he and Camille had talked her through plenty of them. She was a worrier and when she worried herself too much, it would get so bad that she wouldn't be able to breathe. Once she got older, they came less and less, which he was grateful for. He shook his head; _of course_ she would have one on her wedding day.

The last he knew of her having one was on the day she had been in New York with Antonio and the SVU team trying to catch Greg Yates. She had fallen and hurt herself, and then Jay talked to her on the phone and calmed her down. He shook his head; this was a happy day. He wasn't going to think about that monster today.

He grabbed his phone and selected the number he was looking for quickly and then turned his attention back to his daughter. Though he and Camille had never officially been able to adopt her because of Bunny, he considered her his daughter and a piece of paper wouldn't make their relationship any different.

"Halstead."

Hank watched Erin as the tears continued to pour down her cheeks, though he wasn't sure if it was from the letter or the fact that she couldn't breathe now. He didn't bother with pleasantries. "Erin's having a panic attack. Will you talk to her and try to calm her down?"

"Yeah, of course. What happened? Is she freaking out about the wedding? Do you need me to come there?"

"I think she was nervous already and then I gave her a letter Camille had written for me to give to her on her wedding day and that's what sent her over the edge. I'm putting you on speaker." Hank went over and sat next to Erin as he put the phone on speaker. "Hey, wanna talk to Jay? He's on the phone. She can hear you, Jay."

"Erin, take some deep breaths for me. I can hear how hard you're struggling over the phone. You're alright, baby. Everything is going to be okay. Do you know how excited I am to see you? I know that we were only apart for one night, but I miss you so much. I feel like it's been forever. And once we're finally together in a little bit, no one better think they're separating us because you're not leaving my arms for the rest of the day." Hank watched Erin's face as Halstead spoke and he could see that she was starting to breathe a little easier. It almost made him smile that Halstead wasn't scared to say all this when he knew that he was listening. "All the guys are here and they're driving me insane. If we ever decide to get married again, let's have a destination wedding somewhere far away that we know they can't afford to come to. Maybe we'll invite Antonio and Mouse, but that's it. The rest of them can stay home. How are you doing, baby? Can you breathe a little better?"

"Her face is actually a normal color again." Hank commented. "She's getting some air in now."

"Don't talk…about…me…like I'm…not…here…" Erin said between breaths.

"God, you scared me." Jay told her from over the phone. "Keep breathing, Erin. In and out."

Hank watched as she closed her eyes and continued to take deep breaths. Jay waited patiently on the line and he noted the quietness, realizing he must be in a different room than the other guys. He respected the fact that he put Erin first and immediately stopped what he was doing to talk to her.

Erin reached her hand out to him and Hank handed her the phone. "Jay?" she spoke.

"I'm here. Do you feel any better?"

"A lot better. My chest still hurts, but I can actually breathe. Thank you for talking to me."

"Hey, you don't ever have to thank me. Today, when I promise to spend the rest of my life with you, that will include talking you through panic attacks too. I think we need to have a talk though."

Hank was trying to act like he wasn't interested in their conversation, but that had definitely caught his attention. The phone was still on speaker too, so it wasn't like Erin was trying to hide was they were talking about.

"A talk about what?" she asked curiously.

"About how there is nothing to be nervous about."

"I'm not nervous." Erin deflected. Hank rolled his eyes.

"I know you, Erin Lindsay. I can hear it in your voice how nervous you are. I bet you're biting your lip and bouncing your leg right now." Hank studied her, noticing she was doing exactly as Halstead had said. She stopped bouncing her leg as soon as he called her out on it. "I'm going to ask you something and I don't want you to feel like you have to lie to me or say what you think I want to hear, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you want to get married today?"

Hank watched the tiny smile appear on his daughter's face. "Of course I do."

"Then what is there to be nervous about? It's me and you, Er. You're going to walk in that door and be the most beautiful bride ever and I'll stand up there looking like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. We'll say our vows, have a party, eat some great food, drink with all our friends, and then we're off to our honeymoon for a week. It's gonna be great."

"It sounds so simple when you say it."

"Because it is simple. Sure, there are things that could go wrong. But if they do, then we'll deal with it. I promise that if you fall, then I'll throw myself on the ground too." Erin laughed and if Hank hadn't already decided that Jay was the perfect guy for her, he would have in that moment.

"What if Bunny causes a scene?" Erin's voice was small and Hank knew then that that was the real reason she was so nervous. He heard Jay sigh. Erin had been pretty insistent on inviting her mother to the wedding. Jay had asked her numerous times leading up to the wedding if she was sure and she said that she was. Jay and Hank were both supportive of her decision to have Bunny there, but they both knew all the trouble that Bunny could cause and they didn't want her to make the day about her.

"Then I will personally grab her by the arm and kick her out." Jay said, leaving no room for arguments. "There is nothing that could happen that will make this day go badly, Erin. It's not possible. This is the first day of the rest of our lives together."

"I love you." Erin stated.

"I love you too, baby. Are you almost ready?"

"I haven't even started."

"What? Erin!" Jay groaned. "Start getting ready so we can get this thing started or else I might end up killing Ruzek."

Erin smiled. "Okay." Hank held out his hand to take the phone, gesturing that he wanted to talk. "Hank wants to talk to you."

"Hey Jay?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome?" Jay seemed a little confused on what he was thanking him for.

"If I had any doubts before this, I definitely don't now. There is no better man that I could find to marry my daughter."

"Thank you, Hank. That means a lot." Jay said, the sincerity clear in his voice.

"We'll see you when you get here." Hank ended the call. He looked at Erin, who had tears in her eyes again. "Don't go crying on me again. I've seen you cry enough today. When are your friends coming? I'm ready to see my girl get married."

Erin just stood and walked over to him. She hugged him tightly. "You are the best father I could have ever asked for, you know that?"

Hank kissed her head. "You didn't make it easy, but you were worth the trouble."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin looked over as the door opened to the bridal suite, revealing Antonio. She smiled involuntarily; that meant Jay was here. Her hair and makeup were completely done, but she was still dressed in a robe. Gabby, Sylvie, and Kim were drinking wine and chatting with Olive, who was actually getting involved in the conversation. Hank was sitting in the corner of the room with Daniel on his lap.

"How's it going in here?" he went to Erin. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks, Tonio." She hugged him. "How's Jay?"

"He's greeting guests. Ruzek, Atwater, and Will were trying to get him drunk before the wedding, but he wouldn't budge. He said he wanted to remember every little detail. I wanted to come in here and see you before you walked down that aisle so you know that you've got us in your corner too. We got stuck with Jay today doing all the guy stuff, but we love you too, Erin."

"That means a lot. Thank you." She hugged him again.

"The other guys wanted to come see you too, but I wasn't sure how close to ready you were and if you would want to deal with them. They've been driving Jay crazy all day."

She laughed. "I know, he told me." Erin looked at Hank. "Is Al here yet?"

"Should be."

She looked back to Antonio. "Can you get him too and bring them in here?" She knew that Alvin had ducked out of all the wedding preparations today. He didn't want to deal with Ruzek this morning, and she had offered to let him hang out with her and Hank, but he said he didn't want to intrude. But Alvin had been like an uncle and a second father to her for the second half of her life; she definitely wanted to see him before she walked down the aisle.

"Yeah, I'll be right back." Antonio excused himself and walked out of the room.

"Do you want to get your dress on and surprise them all with it?" Gabby suggested. Kim, Olive, and Sylvie had huge smiles on their faces at the idea. Their excitement was contagious and Erin nodded her head.

"I'll turn around." Hank turned towards the window, taking Daniel with him.

Erin let the other women help her into her dress as she faced the wall. She didn't want to see anything until she was completely ready. All she could think about was Jay. She hoped that he loved it.

"It's on!" Kim announced.

Hank faced her and Erin saw the tears immediately spring to his eyes. She had never imagined that he would be the kind of guy who would cry on his daughter's wedding day, but somehow, it didn't surprise her at all.

She smiled at him. "Will you zip me?"

Hank stepped forward and Olive took Daniel from his arms. Erin turned around and Hank grabbed the zipper on the back of the dress, bringing it all the way up. "There you go. You look beautiful, Erin."

"Thank you." She smiled. She went over to the mirror and looked at herself. For once, she really did believe it. Her makeup was perfect. Her hair was curled and twisted into an up do. Her dress was strapless and hugged her tightly from her breasts until her hips, but then was flowy at the bottom. The top had some designs and sparkle to it, but it wasn't over the top.

"I'll help you get your shoes on." Sylvie offered. She leaned down to help Erin step into her heels and then buckled them for her. As she was doing that, Kim put her jewelry on for her. They finished at the same time and that was it.

She was ready.

There was a knock on the door and then it opened. Antonio led in Ruzek, Atwater, Alvin, and Mouse and each of their mouths practically fell open. They all stopped and looked at her.

Alvin stepped forward first. "You clean up nicely."

Erin laughed. "Thanks, Al."

"You know, I still remember that scrawny street kid Hank brought in all those years ago. Used to steal anything you could get your hands on, would run away any chance you could get, always had a smart come back."

"Some things never change." Antonio chimed in, earning a laugh from the rest of the room.

"Anyway, I'm proud of you, Erin. You've really grown up and become someone that I know my girls look up to, especially Lexi. And I hope that Michelle sees you as an example of a person who came from a bad past but didn't use it as an excuse to have a bad future."

Erin hugged him. "Thank you. And thank you for always being there. I know there were times that you talked Hank down a little bit on my punishments."

Alvin shrugged. "He was always a little extreme on how long he was grounding you for."

Hank made an unimpressed sound. "No, you just fell for the dimples and the puppy dog eyes."

"Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay." Ruzek stepped forward as Alvin moved out of the way. "Are you sure that Halstead is really the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with? I think that there are other men who would be better for the job."

Erin raised an eyebrow at him. "Like who?"

Ruzek gestured towards himself. "Obviously you have other partners in Intelligence who are better looking…"

Antonio laughed. "You couldn't handle Erin."

"Really, man?" Ruzek turned to him.

"You're not smart enough." Alvin told him.

"Or interesting enough." Antonio added.

"And you're not good enough for her." Hank finished.

"But Halstead is?" Ruzek questioned. It took everything in Erin not to laugh at the look on his face. He had clearly been joking about wanting to be with her, but now his ego was bruised at the others implying that Jay was somehow better than him.

"Yeah." Hank answered.

"I feel like you guys are our parents and you're not supposed to pick favorites." Ruzek pouted, looking towards Hank and Alvin as he spoke.

"Erin is our favorite." Alvin stated. "I thought you all knew that."

Ruzek shook his head. "That's cold, Al."

"Man, just give her a hug, tell her she's pretty, and move on." Atwater said to his friend. He leaned down so that Erin didn't have to reached up much to hug him. "You look amazing, Lindsay."

"Thanks, Kev."

"I would bet money Jay will cry."

"I'll take that bet." Ruzek raised his hand. He hugged Erin tightly, nearly knocking her over from the force of it, causing everyone in the room to yell at him to be careful. "Seriously though, you look great."

"Thank you, Adam."

Mouse was the last one to step forward. He smiled at his best friend's fiancée. "You look beautiful. Jay is going to be speechless."

"You think so?"

"I know so. He actually told me to tell you that if you want, it's not too late to just run out of here and elope."

Erin smiled. "Tell him that would be incredibly rude, and that I don't think we should waste all of the money we've spent. And also let him know that I want to marry him in front of everyone we know so he's just going to have to wait a little while longer."

"I'll tell him." Mouse smiled. "I haven't gotten the chance to thank you yet. Jay has been the happiest that I've seen him in years and that's all because of you. I know that it's hard to get him to open up about some things, but you're patient with him and you let him tell you things on his own time."

Erin shrugged. "I know what it's like to have a past you don't like to talk about. Sometimes it's nice to just know that there's someone there to talk about it when you're ready that isn't going to push you. I try to be that person for Jay."

"You are that person." Mouse agreed. "I know there are things that you want to know, and he will open up to you. Thank you for being so good to him. I know that even though he didn't say anything, it meant a lot to Jay that Voight thanked him for being there for you. Since Will won't do it, I just want you to know that I, as Jay's best friend and honorary brother, appreciate you and welcome you to our family. It's not much; it's only Jay and me, and Will when he wants to be, but you are part of that now too."

Erin hugged him. "Thank you, Mouse. I can't wait to be a part of your family." She grabbed her phone. "Hey Burgess, can you take a picture of me and all my boys?"

"Of course."

Erin and the rest of the guys from Intelligence gathered around. Erin had never had much of a family, but she knew that Jay and Hank and Alvin and Antonio and Mouse and Ruzek and Atwater were all part of the new family that she had formed. As she looked down at the picture, she knew that it would be one that she would cherish forever.

"Is it time for me to get married yet?" Erin wondered, making the others laugh. She just wanted to see Jay and to be Mrs. Halstead.

"Actually, Jay and I have a surprise for you." Hank told her.

"What kind of surprise?" Erin asked. She didn't know what it could possibly be. She noticed Gabby slipping out of the room as Hank spoke and wondered what she was up to.

"I know that Daniel is your ring barrier and I think that he'll do the job just fine." Hank ruffled the two-year old's hair. "But we knew that you didn't have a flower girl and we didn't think that was right."

The door to the bridal suite opened again and Erin watched as Gabby reentered with a dark haired little girl in a beautiful white dress.

"ERIN!"

It only took her about a half a second to realize it was Maddie. She leaned down and held her arms out and hugged the child tightly to her, being joined a second later by Gavin. The two kids belonged to her former friend Sarah and Erin hadn't seen them in almost two months. They had been living in foster care for almost a year now since the death of their older sister, Allie, who had been killed after Sarah sold her to a drug dealer to pay off a debt. Gavin was six now and Maddie was five.

"Hi guys!" she kissed both of their foreheads. "I'm so happy you're here!"

"Erin, you're getting married!" Maddie said cheerfully. "Jay said I get to be the flower girl!"

"Did he?"

"Yeah! He came over last week and he took me shopping and we got this pretty dress and Gavin's tuxedo! Isn't that a cool word? Jay taught us it! Look at my twirly dress!" Maddie stepped back and spun around, making her dress twirl.

"That is so cool, Maddie! You look so pretty! And Gavin, you look so handsome! I can't believe you guys are here!" she hugged them again.

Gavin stared at Erin in shock. "Erin, you look beautiful!"

"Thank you, buddy." She ruffled his hair.

"Jay said that Gavin needs to walk with your baby nephew Daniel to bring the rings. He said Daniel is going to carry them, but he'll need some help walking all the way there by himself." Maddie informed her.

"I think that's a great idea." Erin agreed. She stood up and looked at Hank. "How did you get them here?"

"Jay and I went and talked to their foster parents. They knew that you had been planning the wedding and you had been busy, so they figured that was why you hadn't been over as often. They were willing to let us borrow the kids for the day. Their foster mom will be by the reception hall to pick them up at 8:00."

"Thank you." She smiled at him. "Alright, unless there are any more surprises, I'm ready to get married!"

Hank nodded his head. "Then let's get this show on the road, kid."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay stood up at the front of the alter, waiting anxiously to see his beautiful bride. He had waited his entire life for this, and it had felt like the longest day of his life. The wedding had been supposed to start at 4pm, and it was now 4:11. He was beyond ready.

Mouse was his best man and standing on his left side. Next to him was Will, and then Antonio. The three men were all probably getting sick of his bouncing, but he was antsy. It had now been about 24 hours since he had last seen Erin, and he was starting to think it was a little ridiculous that he missed her this much.

The music began and he took a deep breath in and calmed himself down. The doors at the back of the church opened and he watched as the bridal party filed in. Sylvie came down the aisle first and stood furthest to the side. Gabby was next and stood a little closer to where Jay was; it was a little weird that his ex-girlfriend was in his wedding, but he just smiled at the thought and shook his head. Kim had been chosen as Erin's maid of honor and she walked down next.

Then, Gavin came down with Daniel. The little boy was holding a box that contained their wedding bands. Jay couldn't help but smile at how cute the sight was. Daniel had the biggest grin on his face as Gavin held one of his hands, pointing up at where Jay was standing. Jay could see the proud smile on Olive's face as her little boy was the ring barrier in her aunt's wedding. Even though he hadn't liked Justin much, he wished that the man was here to see this. They got to the front and stood on the side with the men.

Maddie was next. She carried a white basket full of red and white rose petals. She dropped them gently to the ground, practically dancing down the aisle. Jay could tell she was happy to be there, and it made him even happier that he had had the idea to try and get Maddie and Gavin to come. He was honestly a little shocked their foster parents had said yes, but he knew Erin was probably just as happy as the two children. She finally reached the front of the church and smiled at him widely before standing with the rest of the women.

The music changed and everyone in the church stood. Jay felt his heart swell as Erin stood in the doorway with her arm wrapped in Hank's. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw him and Jay's vision blurred slightly; he realized he had tears in his eyes.

She was so beautiful.

Her dress wasn't too flashy, but it wasn't plain either. She wasn't wearing too much makeup and her hair wasn't overdone. She looked absolutely perfect and just so _Erin_. He sucked in a breath and their eyes locked onto each other as she started her walk down the aisle.

Hank and Erin stopped just before the three small steps that would bring her up to the stage the rest of them were standing on. The priest stepped forward. "Who gives this woman away?"

"Her father does." Hank said. Jay felt the smile on his own face at the man's words. Though it was unspoken, everyone knew Hank was Erin's dad and Jay was glad that he had worded it that way.

Erin hugged Hank and he kissed her cheek. Then, she turned to look at him. Jay reached his hand out and she took it and climbed those three steps. She stood across from him as they kept their hands linked.

"Hi." Jay mouthed as the priest began to talk.

"Hi." Erin mouthed back, the smile never leaving her face.

Jay just looked at her, taking in every detail of her beautiful face. He thought that she looked gorgeous every day, but today was something special. He wanted to remember this.

"…the couple has chosen to write their own vows. Jay, would you like to go first?" the priest questioned.

Jay smiled. "Erin, I've been pretty much in love with you since the day we met. I know that is so cliché to say, but it's true. I think anyone who knows you knows how hard it is not to fall in love with you. You are one of the most selfless and giving human beings I have ever met, almost to the point where you give too much of yourself to make other people happy. I promise you that I will never take too much of you. I will always be there to support you and tell you when enough is enough, and to give you some of myself too when you need it. I will always be there to give you that extra push too because I know that you have the hardest time being selfish. I promise that I will do my best to make all of your dreams come true and to check off all the items on our bucket lists. I want to add a few more to my list right now. I want to make sure I tell you that you are beautiful, and that I love you, and how much you mean to me every single day, because there is no one who deserves to know how important they are more than you, Erin. But most of all, I promise to be there. Plenty of people have left your life, but I won't be one of them. You are stuck with me forever, baby. Even on your days when you are frustrated from a tough case and you just wanna pick fights over stupid things like me always cleaning up after you, and on your days where you want to do nothing but lie in bed and talk about all the things you want to do in life. I'm there, one hundred percent, forever. I love you."

Erin had tears in her eyes as he finished talking. One fell down her cheek and Jay quickly reached out, wiping it with the pad of his thumb. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"I've been trying so hard to find the perfect thing to say to you that will let you know how much I love you, but it's hard when you always say all the right things." Everyone laughed. "Jay, I don't think there's ever been a person who has understood me the way that you do. From the first day we met, it seemed like you knew what I was going to do before I did and you always knew how to back me up, and it just seems like that has carried over into our personal lives. You always know the perfect thing to say for every possible situation. When I was dealing with Nadia's death, you were the one to pull me out of that hole. When I need someone to vent to or to talk about my past with, you are always there to listen and to reassure me that I'm not that person that I used to be. You don't judge me or let it change your opinion of me and I am thankful for that every single day. I want you to know that I will always be here too, ready to return the favor. You have taught me so much in the time that I have known you about relationships and love and myself. Because of you, I feel like I am worth being loved. Because of you, I feel beautiful. Because of you, I know that I don't deserve to just be used and treated badly and then passed on to the next guy. You were the first man to ever really take a chance on being in a relationship with me, and I want to thank you for that. I know that I come with a lot of baggage and scars that a lot of others wouldn't want to take on, but you do it so gracefully and make it look so easy and I love you so much for that. You make me feel like I don't have to hide who I am. You have made me feel so important, but I want you to know that you are the most important person in my life. I can't wait to go to all the places you want to go to, even Wisconsin, and watch hockey games and go fishing and any other things you want to drag me to because as your wife, we're a team now. Anything you want to do, I'm there, okay? But most of all, I can't wait to start the rest of our life together. I can't wait to buy a house and get a puppy and have your babies because I love you, Jay Halstead, and there is no one else in this world that I would rather spend the rest of my life with."

Jay's cheeks hurt from how much he had been smiling. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Erin's. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and heard her laughing.

"May I have the rings, please?"

Jay pulled back and watched as Gavin led Daniel over to them. He and Erin both leaned down to grab each other's rings.

"Good job, boys." Erin praised quietly, making Gavin beam proudly. He brought Daniel back to where they had been standing.

"Jay, put the ring on Erin's finger and say, 'with this ring, I thee wed'."

Jay slid the wedding band on until it touched her engagement ring. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"Erin, put the ring on Jay's finger and say, 'with this ring, I thee wed'."

Erin put his ring on his finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"By the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Jay leaned forward and kissed her. He took full advantage of the moment and pulled her into his arms, taking a second to deepen the kiss. He heard catcalling and cheering from the crowd and pulled back. Erin had a huge smile on her face. She threw herself into his arms for a hug.

"I love you." She whispered.

"Not as much as I love you."

Jay pulled back and grabbed her hand to help her down the stairs. He led her down the aisle and back to the bridal suite where the whole wedding party would be meeting up. He sat down on the couch and pulled her onto his lap, kissing her again.

"Mrs. Erin Halstead." He said. "Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"It sure does." She agreed. She would be changing her name legally, but they agreed that she would keep her last name for work. It could get a little confusing if they had two Detective Halsteads running around.

Everyone else filed into the room, but Erin and Jay were only focused on each other. No one was surprised though. That's the way it always was; the two of them were always off in their own little happy world.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

The wedding party had gone off with the photographer to do all of their pictures before coming to the wedding reception. It was filled mostly with police officers, fire fighters, and doctors, and even the SVU team had flown in from New York to attend the wedding.

Burgess and Mouse both gave speeches that made everyone laugh. When they finally got to eat, Erin almost cheered because of how hungry she was, which made Jay laugh.

On her way back to her table, Erin was stopped by Bunny and Teddy. She almost dropped her food in her excitement at seeing her brother, but luckily, Jay grabbed it from her hands. She hugged him tightly.

"You are a beautiful bride." Teddy told her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. He looked at Jay with the same hesitance that he always had around men, but Jay knew her boyfriend- _husband_ \- understood. "Jay, it's good to see you."

"You too, Teddy. I'm glad that you could make it."

"Well don't sound so excited to see me." Bunny chimed in.

Erin looked at Jay and she could see how hard he was clenching his jaw to avoid saying something to her mother. She stepped forward and hugged her.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hello, honey." She greeted. "It took forever for them to let us into the reception area. You should have had the bar open while they were setting up in here."

"Mom, let's go get food." Teddy suggested, grabbing Bunny's shoulders and turning her towards the door. "Congratulations, you guys."

"Thank you, Teddy. I'm so happy you're here. You'll come dance with me, right?" Erin asked.

"I wouldn't miss dancing with my sister on her wedding day for the world." He said.

Erin took her food from Jay's hand as they walked back up to their seats. Bunny hadn't said anything about how she looked, she hadn't congratulated her, she hadn't said she was happy for her, she hadn't said the wedding was nice, she hadn't…

"Hey." Jay interrupted her thoughts. "I don't know if I've said this yet today, but you look absolutely gorgeous, baby. I mean, you could have gotten married in a t-shirt and jeans and I would have been just as happy, but your dress is amazing. You look beautiful."

Sometimes, Erin wondered if Jay could read her mind.

She stopped walking. Jay stopped too, looking at her in confusion. She leaned up and kissed him quickly. "Thank you."

He smiled. "You're welcome. Don't let Bunny get to you, okay?"

"I'm not. This isn't about her. This is about us. And you look great in that tuxedo."

"Thanks." He gave her his charming smile and all the negative energy was forgotten as they went back up to their seats.

Once dinner ended, they decided to cut the cake. Erin put her hand on top of the knife and Jay put his hand on top of hers as they both pressed down to cut into it. They both picked up a bite and went to feed it to each other, but Jay smeared Erin's all across her mouth. Erin went to do the same thing, but missed and got it all over his cheek instead. They both laughed as they tried to clean it off of each other, but just ended up making more of a mess when Jay put more icing on Erin's nose.

"The couple will now share their first dance." Their DJ announced.

Erin let Jay lead her out to the dance floor. No one else around them mattered as they swayed to the beat of the music.

"Are you having fun?" he asked her.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. I can't wait until the real dancing starts. I wanna see you do the Macarena."

Erin rolled her eyes. "I'm not doing the Macarena."

"Oh, you will after you've had a couple shots."

"I won't."

Jay smiled. "You know, I didn't know it was possible for me to fall even more in love with you, but after today, I guess it is."

Erin knew exactly what he meant. "Today is pretty amazing, isn't it? Having everyone we love here and being able to kiss and say we love each other without having to worry about being professional is nice."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "You're right about that. It'll be even nicer when we're in Wisconsin for a week and we can do whatever we want for a week without having to worry about anyone watching."

Originally, they had been planning on going to the beach for their honeymoon, but then they had chosen to go to Jay's family's cabin instead. It was just unrealistic for them to go on a vacation to the beach right now. They were trying to save up money for a house right now and paying for the wedding, so they decided that they would go to the beach another time. Erin was genuinely excited to get away from everything and be with just Jay for a week, even if it was in Wisconsin.

"I can't wait." She leaned into him slightly. "These shoes are killing my feet."

Jay readjusted his arms so that he could take on more of her weight. Erin smiled at his thoughtfulness. She had married the best man ever.

The music ended and it was time for the father daughter dance. Jay kissed her cheek and then went to sit down. Hank came up to take his place. As the music started, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Don't think that you and Halstead can be all unprofessional now that you're married." She could see that joy in his eyes and hear the joking tone in his voice.

"It's funny that you said that since we were just talking about how it's nice to be able to touch each other in public without worrying about being professional." Erin said.

"Are you having a nice time?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm married to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. That's all I need."

"I saw you talking to Bunny. Did she give you a hard time?"

"No, she was just complaining."

"Did she tell you how beautiful you look?" Erin just looked down uncomfortably. "You do look beautiful, Erin."

"Everyone keeps saying that to me."

"But do you believe it?"

She thought about it for a second. "Yeah, I do. Just like I said earlier, Jay makes me feel beautiful." She felt a little weird talking about this with Hank, but she was confident in what she was saying and she knew he wouldn't judge her for saying it.

He nodded his head. "Good. Your vows were nice."

Erin laughed. "I just rambled the whole time. Jay's were better."

"He's good with words. But yours were meaningful. Jay looked pretty happy with them."

"I hope he was."

"Should we be expecting a honeymoon baby?"

Erin looked at him with a look of mild disgust. "Really?"

"Daniel needs a cousin."

"Not for a little while. We want to buy a house first and get settled in there."

"Smart." Hank nodded his head. "If you need help with some money to put down for a house…"

"Thank you, but I kind of want to do things on my own. Prove that I can stand on my own two feet, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Hank kissed the top of her head. "That's my girl."

Their dance ended and it was time for the normal wedding music to start playing. The open bar also began and Erin knew that the real party was about to begin. She pulled back from Hank and was almost immediately greeted by Maddie and Gavin.

"Erin! Will you dance with me?" Maddie asked.

Erin leaned down and picked her up. "Of course I will! Let's go get Jay and see if he'll dance with us too." She shifted Maddie to her right hip and grabbed Gavin's hand with her left and walked over to where Jay was talking to Will and a couple of other doctors from Med.

"Jay!" Maddie called out as they got closer. He turned his head when he saw her coming.

"Excuse me, guys." He said to the others. He came over to them. "What's going on here?"

"Maddie and Gavin want to know if we would like to dance with them."

"Are you kidding? Yeah we will!" He scooped up Gavin and led the way to the dance floor. He and Erin proceeded to make up names to funny dance moves, trying to make the kids laugh as hard as they could. Erin hadn't seen Gavin smile so much ever. Eventually, Daniel toddled over to them and she scooped him up, holding him as he watched Maddie and Gavin try to come up with their own moves.

Hank came over to them after a little while. "Erin, their foster mom is here." He whispered to her.

"Okay." She leaned down to their level. "Guys, Miss Tina is here to pick you up."

"No!" Maddie whined. She always had the hardest time with leaving, but even Gavin reached out and hugged her. "Can't we stay longer?"

"Guys, remember what I said? No tears." Jay told the kids. "We'll be over to visit with you again soon. It's a happy day, so no crying. The flower girl and chief ring barrier don't cry."

Maddie hugged Erin. "I wanna stay with you forever."

"I know, sweet girl, but that can't happen. But we'll see each other again really soon, okay? I'm so happy that the two of you were here today. As soon as I get pictures, I'll bring you some that you can keep. I'll walk you out to the car, come on." Erin stood and grabbed both of their hands. Jay followed after her as she brought them outside.

Their foster mom, Tina, was waiting outside. She smiled when she saw the four of them. "Congratulations, you two!"

"Thank you." Erin and Jay said in unison.

"Hey guys." She opened the backdoor of the car. "Did you have a good time?"

"Uh-huh." Maddie answered. She turned and hugged Erin again, and then Jay. Gavin repeated her action.

"I'll come see you soon, alright?"

"Okay." Gavin said. Maddie just nodded her head and they got into the car. Tina shut the door behind them.

"Did they behave?"

"Yeah, they were perfect. They're just a little upset about having to leave the party." Erin responded. "Is it okay if I call you soon to set up a time to come see them?"

"That's fine." Tina nodded her head. "Congratulations again!"

"Thank you so much for letting them come. It means a lot."

"It's no problem. Have a great rest of your night."

"You too." Jay said. He held Erin's hand in his as they walked inside. "You good?"

"I hate how upset they get when they leave. Thank you for getting them here. That was such an amazing surprise."

"You're welcome." Jay kissed her. "Let's get back in there. I'm sure the Macarena will come on soon."

Erin rolled her eyes as he practically dragged her inside. "I'm not doing the Macarena!"

Once they got back inside, Olive came over to them with a sleeping Daniel in her arms. "We're gonna go. Thank you so much for inviting us. You guys wore him out with all the dancing!"

"Thank you for coming." Erin hugged her. "How long are you staying in Chicago?"

"My plane leaves in two days, so I'll be gone before you're back from the honeymoon."

Erin nodded her head in understanding. "You should come visit more often. I had a lot of fun with you today, and I know Gabby, Kim, and Sylvie did too, and Hank and I love seeing Danny." She leaned forward and kissed her nephew's head. "I'll send you pictures from the wedding when I have them."

"Thank you." Olive smiled at Jay. "Congratulations. I know Danny is going to love his Uncle Jay."

Erin's heart could have burst at the smile on Jay's face. "And I will love being a part of his life. See you soon, Olive."

"Goodbye." She turned and left.

Erin and Jay joined everyone else, immediately being handed beers by Ruzek. After Erin had downed her second one, she was being given a shot by Burgess, and then a second one by Sylvie. Almost right after, the Macarena began.

"You have to!" Jay told her.

"No." Erin refused. She noticed everyone around her begin to do the hand motions, including Jay. She groaned at the awful music.

"Please?"

She gave in and started to do it, earning cheers from those around her. Jay leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. Once the dance ended, she broke away from the crowd with the intention of going to the bathroom.

"I'm going to head out." Hank told her as he came over to her. "I saw you out there doing the Macarena. Snapped a few pictures."

She gasped. "You did not!"

"Jay told me to have my camera ready when the song came on."

"I don't like the two of you teaming up on me."

Hank smiled. "Who is driving you home?"

"Casey. He hasn't been drinking anything; he has to stop and get Louie when he and Gabby are on their way home, so they are going to drop Jay and I off."

"And then you're driving to Wisconsin tomorrow morning?"

"Yep."

"Shoot me a text when you get there."

"I will." Erin promised. She hugged him. "Thank you for everything. Without you, none of this would have been possible."

"Hey, I may have pulled you out of that life, but changing the path you were on? That was all you." He kissed her forehead. "Have fun tonight, and have a good honeymoon. I'm so happy for you, Erin." He looked over and saw Bunny hanging around the bar. "I'll get her out of here on my way out."

"Thank you." Erin had been keeping an eye on her all night and she hadn't wanted to say anything, but she knew that she was most likely wasted. She didn't want her to make a huge scene, but she didn't know how else they were going to get her out of there.

"Get back out there and dance. Maybe you can do the electric slide next."

Erin laughed. "Goodnight, Hank."

"Night, kiddo."

Erin went back over to the group, but kept half of her focus on where Hank was. She noticed she had caught Jay's attention and he was coming over towards her to see what she was doing. She reached her just as Hank got to Bunny.

"What's he doing?"

"He's going home. He's getting Bunny out of here on his way out."

"His choice or yours?"

"Little bit of both."

"Did she say something to you?" she heard the defensiveness in his tone.

"No, but I can tell she's drunk and it's going to be hard to get her out of here. I want to have fun and not have to worry about that."

Jay wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the side of her head. Erin watched Hank say something to Bunny and she immediately stood up and started to yell at him. Hank's voice was low, like always, so she couldn't make out what he was saying, but she could hear Bunny and it wasn't pretty. She was screaming at him and telling him that he couldn't kick her out of her daughter's wedding.

Erin scoffed; she hadn't been _her_ daughter for a long time.

Jay gently rubbed his hands up and down her arms. She leaned back against him, letting out a deep sigh. Finally, Hank just grabbed Bunny's arm and started to lead her towards the door. Erin caught her eye as she was led way.

"Erin! You're going to let him treat your mother like this? Erin? ERIN!"

She turned away so she couldn't see her anymore. She rested her head against Jay's chest for a minute, taking a few deep breaths. She raised her head back up and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's go have fun with our friends."

"Okay." He kissed her gently and let her lead him back into the group, leaving Bunny and all of that pain behind. She wasn't important anymore.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It was after one in the morning when Erin and Jay finally stumbled off of the elevator and towards their apartment. They had both had their fair share of drinks and they were still pretty excited at the fact that they were officially married.

"Wait!" Jay called out. He had Erin's shoes in his left hand and the keys and his phone in his right hand. Erin was in front of him with just her phone and her purse, but she was slightly more intoxicated than he was. Jay scooped her up bridal style. He fumbled around with the keys, which was difficult because of Erin's dress, but he managed to unlock the door and carry her over the threshold. "Here we are, Mrs. Halstead." He dropped her shoes to the floor.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you be so messy. Marriage has changed you." Erin joked.

Jay rolled his eyes and put her down. He closed the door behind him, locked it, and then straightened out her shoes. Now it was Erin's turn to roll her eyes; of course he fixed her shoes.

When he stood back up, they both made eye contact and leaned forward, gently pressing their lips against each other. Jay shed his jacket, letting it fall to the ground. He reached around behind Erin and unzipped her wedding dress, though he did break the kiss to pick that up and drape it over the back of the chair. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he walked slowly towards the bedroom.

Jay knew they could take as long as they needed. After all, they had the rest of their lives to spend with each other.

 **Up Next…The A-Z Kids Story, which is still untitled! Not sure when it will be posted, but I am thinking January.**

 **Thank you to stagediva23 for the idea of having Camille write Erin a letter for her to open on her wedding day! It was seriously the perfect idea and I love how it turned out.**

 **If you have anything you want to see in A-Z Kids, even just one little scene, now is the time to let me know! I will try to include whatever I can!**

 **Please review and tell me what you thought about the wedding. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading Trust as much as I have enjoyed writing it, and I hope you will all read The A-Z Kids story. I will post a chapter here saying that the sequel is posted so you all get a notification, but I will post it as a separate chapter. Thank you all again for your support!**


	28. Sequel is Posted!

**The sequel to** _ **Trust**_ **is now posted!**

 **It is called** _ **Privilege**_ **and will follow the same format as** _ **Trust**_ **. It is an A-Z one shot series that will revolve around Erin and Jay's life as a married couple with children. I hope you all will give it a chance and that you enjoy it as much as you did** _ **Trust**_ **! The first chapter is posted and called A: Always.**

 **Please let me know your thoughts on it, and thank you again for all of your support on** _ **Trust**_ **!**


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